Cameroon
Cameroon Republic of Cameroon Camerooooon | |||||
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| Motto: Please Conquer Us! | |||||
| Anthem: Let Us Salute Our Flag as it Waves Gallantly in the Blue Sky Symbolizing Something or Other | |||||
| Capital | Yaoundé | ||||
| Largest city | Douala | ||||
| Official language(s) | English, French, Gibberish | ||||
| Government | Probably changed in the last hour | ||||
| Warlord | Paul Biya | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Roger Moore | ||||
| Currency | AC (50 cycle, 240 volt) | ||||
| Religion | food worship | ||||
| Major exports | All the world's fruits | ||||
| Major imports | Asians | ||||
| Hours of operation | Closed for renovation | ||||
Cameroon is a country so obscure and uninteresting (for lack of warfare and economic turmoil, like most of its African counterparts) that it might as well not exist. However, since the United Nations says it does, everyone has to waste their time learning about it.
Cameroon is proud to host its own unique strain of HIV.
History[edit | edit source]
Cameroon has a long and proud history. Or at least it will after another hundred years.
German rule[edit | edit source]
The Germans ruled for the most brutal ten minutes of Camaroonian history until the British took Cameroon from them.
British rule[edit | edit source]
The British revolutionized Cameroon by building solid gold cities and giving every citizen a sportscar and one million pounds. They also installed the best health care system ever and put porn on every channel. Eventually the British decided to sell Cameroon to the French for the sheer hell of it.
French rule[edit | edit source]
The French, in all their Frenchy hatred of the British, burned all of the new buildings and undid all the reforms to turn Cameroon back into a hellhole. They then sold it back to the British.
North Korean rule[edit | edit source]
(This portion of the article approved by the KCNA.) Glorious immortal President Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il liberated the Cameroonian proletarians from the imperialist "democracy", instilling a true tribute to the will of the people in the government. Our art squad also added a glorious Juche star to the flag to symbolize the undying love of the people to Kim Il Sung. Until the wretched Cameroonian traitors hickuped while we were saluting Kim Jong Il. These disgusting actions were put under fire as Kim Jong Il in his infinite wisdom turned ownership of Cameroon over to Cambodia. Cameroon would be well advised that their imperialist intestinal gas will not stand with the heroic people's vanguard of the DPRK!
Cameroon today[edit | edit source]
Paul Biya has transformed Cameroon into one of the wealthiest nations on earth. He accomplished this by slashing and burning all the rainforests and selling most of the country.
Living conditions[edit | edit source]
Cameroonians enjoy many luxuries given to them by the government. They enjoy such things as stone tools, fire, holes to shit in, and a lofty life expectancy of two years.
If Cameroonians ever have a problem, they simply go to their local chief who then contacts the Planeteers, the meaningless government body that holds no power whatsoever that was set up by Chancellor Planet so he didn't have to deal with any of the people's problems. The Planeteers each had specific pointless jobs in the Cameroonian government (?)
- Fire Minister in charge of war making and of torching slave labor oil fields in case UN inspectors get too nosey.
- Water Minister in charge of making paper boats for use in the Cameroonian navy
- Air Minister in charge of the air force and of fooling people into buying an Ionic Breeze from the Sharper Image
- Earth Minister in charge of (destroying) the environment
- Heart Minister NA, Heart was banished because their element is for wimps
Language[edit | edit source]
For those thinking of traveling to Cameroon, here are some useful phrases.
- Please for the love of god feed me!-!em deef dog fo evol eht rof esaelP
- Help! I've been stabbed!-!debbats neeb ev'I !pleH
- How much for your sister?-?retsis ruoy rof hcum woH
- Don't kill me! I'm not a rebel!-!leber a ton m'I !em llik t'onD
- There is flesh eating bacteria in the local well.-.llew lacol eht ni aeretcab gnitae hself si erehT
- How do I get out of this country?-?yrtnuoc siht fo tuo teg I od woH
See also[edit | edit source]
| North Africa |
Algeria · Assyria · Egypt · Morocco · Sudan · Western Sahara |
| West Africa |
Burkina Faso · Ghana · Liberia · Mauritania · Niger · Nigeria |
| Central Africa |
Angola · Cameroon · Belgium · Chad · Democratic Republic of the Congo · Republic of the Congo · Equatorial Guinea |
| East Africa |
Afwirka · Burundi · Djibouti · Ethiopia · Kenya · Madagascar · Malawi · Mauritius · Mozambique · Rhodesia · Rwanda · Somalia · South Sudan · Tanzania · Uganda · West Kenya · Zambia |
| Southern Africa |
Botswana · Donkey Kong Island · Empire of the Four Squares · Eswatini · Lesotho · People's Glorious Republic of Uukumbamabahalarata · South Africa · Zululand |
