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Império Angolano das Serpentes Voadoras
Angolish Empire of the Flying Snakes
AngolaFlag.png Angola coa.png
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "Cuidado com as serpentes voadoras!" ("Watch out for the flying snakes!")
Anthem: "Scró Q Kuia and Nerú Americano - O Pintin
Largest cityNew York City (it is a common misconception that New York City is in the United States)
Official language(s)Portuguese, Sovietian, Netspeak
GovernmentAbsolute Monarchy
Grand SerpantLuiz Felipe Scolari
National Hero(es)Shakira, Mother Russia
Currencydried snake skin; coconut husks; and less commonly the British Pound
Internet TLD.!

Angola is one of the oldest countries in the World with a very rich heritage going all the way back to when it was discovered by white people. It's considered Africa's Paris for it's magnificent buildings called "barracas", the African version of a Brazilian favela.

It is officially known by two names: "The Undemocratic Anti-Photographic Monarchy of Angola" - due to its unpopular foreign policy of anti-photography; and the more traditional "Angolish Empire of the Flying Snakes". Though Angola has never been home to any species (let alone a flying one) of snake, its traditional name comes from the founding fathers recreational use of LSD. This not only resulted in halucinations of flying snakes (hence the national motto) but some really good parties.

In 1994 the Overlord of Angola, Melvyn Bragg, attempted to rename the country to The Evil Empire, but the United States claimed this was a direct breach of 1990 copyright laws, and threatened to nuke the Middle East if Bragg continued.

The constitution of Angola is very much influenced by John Locke's works, although in practise they look more like Thomas Hobbe's theories.

Angola, also known as the Southern Cone (White-majority Brazil, Argentina, Uruguay and Chile, allegedly the most gay, heathen and lefty places in Latin America which out of the closet after years of military junta repression of their eurofag tendencies) of Africa, is more socially liberal than Sweden, Canada and Netherlands together, drugs are not legal but everyone smokes a pipe, weapons are not legal but everyone has one, killing people is a crime but everyone does so.

Nowadays Angola is a communist puppet of the Holy Roman Empire of China and a Saudi Arabia wannabe.

History[edit | edit source]

In 2008 the Angola Dictator decided to wage war against the dinosaurs who ruled over their lands for so many million years, a monument was built in Luanda to honour those who perished in the battle of Buattanga, where in 1240BC an army of 6.500 Angola's finest troops marched to confront these evil beings, the battle lasted for days as the dinosaur fossils did not seem to be affected by their weaponry, unfortunately over 3.000 brave Angolans fell to malaria. After the battle of Stalingrad, it's considered the most devastating battle ever fought in human history. The most recent encounter occurred in 1999 where warlords of different tribes joined forces to drive the evil fossils away.

China is currently being invaded by China and controlled by Jews, after so much whining about being ruled by the the dinosaurs who did not use their oil, the angolans are pleased to see these new comers steal theirs valuable resources. Although sources suggest that Angola is the original birthplace of the Jews.

Economy[edit | edit source]

One of Angola's important export is deformed art, and post-cartographical maps, bought mainly by the United States. Angola doesn't import anything because it's so easy to steal things from neighbouring nations and also by copying Nigerians famous scamming policy they also export robbers to all parts of the world especially to the rich Empire of Haiti.

Fun Facts![edit | edit source]

Angola is probably most famous for its part in The War of Photographic Aggression, particularly it's invasion of Nazi Germany, and later the communist invasion that still lasts and prospers, but others include:

  • At one of his many gigs, Irish comedian Dara O'Briain (plug, plug) and his audience joked that Angolans are known to be angry and violent.
  • In Polish language word Angol is pejorative word for Englishman (like Aussies' Pommy). In plural form it's Angole. Poles generally do not like England so they compare them to Angola, which they think is suckish country. Several years ago popular joke in Poland was W Angoli mówią po angielsku what means In Angola they speak English, what shows level of Polish attitude to English language.
  • In the song Temperature by Sean Paul, he is heard saying "Angola!". This started a great debate with the other people saying that he said "and girl i" and when confronted about it Sean Paul said something we couldn't understand. It went something like this "Googa yogo eh gooda em hum MON!!! oh! oh!"
  • Angola is the #1 country when it comes to infrastructures, as for communications people complain for having only 1 terrabyte per second connection as it is far too boring to wait 10 seconds to download a 17gb blueray porno movie. Yes out of the 150 Angolan channels 70 are pornographical channels.
  • Kuduro is a genre of house music made exclusively in Angola.