Maldives

The Land of The Twisted

Motto: "In Satan We trust, Fuck everyone who ever worshiped a swine called GOD" "In nomine Domini Dei nostri Satanae Luciferi Excelsi, Amen.!"
Anthem: God Save Maumoon
Languages	Dhivehi, A load of crap (national language) and English
Capital	Monkey Tongue City
Government	Despotism
President	Shamin
Established	20th century BC
Currency	Sanitary Napkins
Religion	Satanism+Islam

“ God's Days are Numbered ... Come out from where ever you are ”

~ Satan on Maldives

“ You pesky bastards need a shower! ”

~ Tsunami on Maldives

“ Only Male are living in the capital city of Maldives ”

~ A old male in Male on Maldives

The Maldives is an island nation consisting of about 1200 islands located somewhere in the Indian Ocean, or perhaps on Mars, the locals aren't too sure neither is NASA. Tourism, Prostitution, and Drugs are the mainstay of the Maldivian economy.

According to the drunk NASA research, Maldives should have been underwater the moment those bored Indians stepped on the soil but the money hoarding and the size of their ego is somehow supporting the country from being Atlantis 2.

Founded by Mr. Sergy Brin and Larry Page. Maldives was inspired by Google. The country tried to name itself after Dmitry Medvedev, but because of copyright issues ended up with "Maldives".

History

When India got bored to trading slaves with Africa, they decided to run away into the ocean hoping that the gods would throw them an island. This betrayal from everyone else in India made them the first ever degenerates, introverts and social deviants in recorded history. Rather than getting one single island to hard reset their lives, the gods accidentally threw it a bit too hard and now there were 1200 pieces of it everywhere. Eventually they got bored going around these island and wanted to chill at one island. The island was named Male' since some Indian bitch decided to jump right into a reef thinking it would give him the power of immortality but instead gave everyone an immortal joke. That weird comma thing near Male' was also in the record books due to the constant laughter everyone would have from that story and would accidentally poke the name with a dot.

For around few thousand years after the drowning of the Indian bitch, Maldives was pretty fucking boring and even God almost cancelled it until the Portuguese was desperate to get some subscribers from the surrounding countries. So, these madmen decided to gain some quick clout by switching the religion from the superior Satan ass licking to the bullshit Christianity. Their mission was really successful using up all their barrels of wine. But it was quickly cancelled when the anime character the Maldivians so called Bodu Thakurufaanu no scoped the captain of the mission Andhiri Andhiri using a gun made out of the ego of all Maldivians.

Wild Life

Maldives is a country which happens to have 2 (two) dogs protecting the island and that too in HULHULE. It doesn't really need wildlife (according to the rest of the world defined as exotic animals) since the people here have evolved so much ahead of all other humans that they can stare right into the sea bed and get the fish they want and they continue doing during the morning, afternoon and night. There are other living shit always around some island but the ancestors would whoop their arse if they touch something other than fish. Also it is noteworthy that criticizing any sea life other than fish would make automatically make you the dictator of the country.

Politics

The country has a fully functioning, and widely envied model dictatorial system. In reality, no is too sure! Recently Justin Chan in 7f2 thinks that this stupid country suck like hell has just bought the already drowned islands but not the people because they have been told to go fishing and comeback whenever they can reach Mars.

Elections

The wildly popular dictator has been elected year after year with over 101% of the total -21 votes polled. The dictator is the longest serving ruler in the Milky Way. In fact, there are rumors that he might be the legendary Prince Koimala himself.

Elections are conducted by the President, for the President, with the President, against the people. He has never failed to win the Presidency, never will he!

In recent times, however, Christian missionaries have caused major political upheavals in this predominantly hippie nation.

Religion

There are many 'beliefs' in Maldives although the open practice of any belief other than Islamic fundamentalism or Satanism or both is severely prohibited. The Maldivian Constitution claims every fucking Maldivian should be Muslim. Fundamentalists and Extremists regularly teach the art of Slamming Planes into Buildings, 5 times a day or more in the country's many Flight schools (mosques).

"The religion of peace" is headed by the Homosexuality awareness foundation aka Islamic Ministry which consists of mostly supporters of pedophilia and terrorism. Their main aim is to legalize pedophilia in Maldives.

In May 2010, during the question-and-answer period after a speech by the public speaker of comparative religion and Terrorism Advocate Dr Zakir Naik of the Islamic Research Foundation, or Pedophilia Is A Good Thing Foundation based in Mumbai, India, an audience member, Mohamed Nazim, declared he was "Maldivian and not a Muslim," and challenged Naik to respond. The locals in the large audience tried to attack Nazim, who was removed under police protection and detained. Other reports stated that Nazim was attacked, and arrested. Local newspapers called for him to return to the 'RELIGION OF PEACE' or be put to death.

Opposition

No one in Maldives knew the meaning of “opposition”. It sounded more like those fancy names NASA used to call on new found galaxies. And on one fine day, after 30 years, the regime was shaken by a poor chap being beaten in the jail; namely Evan Naseem. For god sake that chap is dead, let him rest in peace! Instead of his funeral, the whole Maldives burnt. And from the ashes there rose the great opposition leader, Anni. Let it be, naturally the first reaction was to peacefully oppose the regime. However, the dictator wasn’t too happy about a little rat named Anni trying to steal the cheese. So the big cat – Ex President Dr Doom instead hired big fat soldiers and commanded to hammer this little rat every time he utters a word.

No wonder, its pure Monarchistic in Maldives. Tight rules were implemented by the regime to mitigate this opposition movements. The government announced that no three man could stand in hundred square feet, its considered as violent strikes. News media should always address the president with “His excellency”, if not, its against the law. And, bearded man is fundamentalist. No one is still too sure of this democracy existed.

Name Etymology

Several beliefs regarding "Maldives" etymology coexist violence. Most prominent ones are:

• "Maldives" is an anagram of MaeLsdiV which is what United Nations (UN) computers spat out after a short circuit at the time when nations name was being printed onto the official UN papers. Yet locals didn't like that one so they anagramed it into something more fancy.
• Nation's name is an abbreviation for "Mal"functioning "Dives" which is what all tourists mainly do apart from hopelessly trying to get laid.
• The Theory of Ever Looping Explanation states that it is proved by infinite looping that "Maldives" stands for "Maldives" which stands for "Maldives" which stands for "Maldives"...
• "Maldives" was the next available name after "Barbados".
• "Maldives" is an Alpha Centauri word meaning "he who is next to the one beside him". This belief is being taken quite seriously by NASA.
• "Maldives" don't really exist but it's just a Marketing trick to sell more sun glasses to tourists.
• "Maldives" actually is a good place for satanists.

Future

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