Perjordyrieshbanosraeliaq

“You just haven't seen Neo-Babylon until you've tried the McDonald's.”

– Tony Blair on Perjordyrieshbanosraeliaq

Islamizorojudaic Republic of Perjordyrieshbanosraeliaq Neo-Babylon
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "الשלוآزادیים" Al-Shalom-e-Azadi’im “Freedom and Peace”
Anthem: "هاתיקوالله" Hatīkvāllāh "Hope of G-d"
Capital	Jerusalem
Largest city	Dhaka
Demonym	Neo-Babylonian
Official language(s)	Arabic, Bengali, Farsi, Hebrew, Kurdish
Government	Semi-constitutional socialist republic under an Islamizorojudaic monarchy
‑ Supreme Leader	Donald Trump
‑ President	Tony Blair
‑ Honorary Emir(s)	Jared Kushner Steve Witkoff
Established	2026
Currency	UN-administered Qatari Shekel
Religion	Islam (33.3%), Judaism (33.3%), Zoroastrianism (33.3%)
Population	370,598,486 (2026)
Time Zone	UTC+0
Major exports	Oil
National dish	Brisket bagels
Internet TLD	.pjyshbiq
Calling code	+666
Drives on	Unfinished road

Perjordyrieshbanosraeliaq is point 21 of Tony Blair's 20-point plan for Gaza. A new country comprised of Persia, Jordan, Syria, Bangladesh, Lebanon, Israel and Iraq, it is situated in the middle of the Middle East, just north of Egypt, to the left of Israel and to the right of Kazakhstan. In short, it's somewhere, but also somewhere else at the same time. Its official religion is a mixture of socialism and Islam, Zoroastrianism, and hardcore Judaism with Pastafarian elements. Bangladesh is apparently involved, and the Kurds are also in there somewhere.

Origins

The idea for Perjordyrieshbanosraeliaq was birthed in a shed in Geneva. With Americans too knackered to deal with Middle Eastern issues for one second longer, they enlisted the help of Tony Blair to envision one giant area for the world's largest golf course. Blair was commissioned to sell the idea to Europe's leaders, who were similarly too knackered to deal with American issues for one second longer.

The plans were ultimately drawn up on a cocktail napkin. During this process, they accidentally circled Bangladesh - leading to widespread condemnation from Dhaka when they heard the news. Corporate lawyers from Washington and Whitehall regretfully informed Bangladesh that the napkin was legally binding.

Meanwhile, Kurdish fighters were technically granted an internationally recognized homeland. The outcome of discussions were odd, but the gist of it was - that any Ford Transit van parked within the nation's borders was technically Kurdistan.

Kurds responded to this by seeking to import millions of Ford Transit vans to the country.

International response

Allies and opponents were quickly drawn. China, heavily involved in every direction, issued a blistering statement declaring itself both an indispensable ally and a sworn enemy of differing zones within Perjordyrieshbanosraeliaq. Following a twenty-minute emergency session, President Xi Jinping amended China's constitution to recognize the Western half as a strategic trade partner, while the Eastern half was declared an indivisible, eternal territory of China. A "peaceful reunification" was tentatively scheduled within the next two decades.

Russia took a predictably aggressive stance. The Kremlin expressed grave concern for the safety of three Russian-speaking tourists allegedly trapped within Perjordyrieshbanosraeliaq’s borders. In response to this provocation, Moscow demanded exclusive oil drilling rights payable only in Rubles and threatened a nuclear winter if the new nation joined NATO.

The European Union convened a six-week emergency summit. Ultimately, Brussels responded by declaring Perjordyrieshbanosraeliaq an unfair regulatory haven, immediately fining the new sovereign state €3,000,000/day until its entire agricultural sector fully complies with all EU laws. This is impossible as Perjordyrieshbanosraeliaq has no agriculture.

Meanwhile, the United States preemptively deployed two aircraft carriers to the region. The White House held a prime-time press conference to declare the nation an existential threat to global democracy, and the Pentagon was three hours into drafting a regime-change strategy before a junior State Department staffer gently reminded the administration that they had created the country last Thursday.

Biblical response

The sudden, meteoric rise of a "Board of Peace" - promising an unprecedented era of unity between Arabs and Jews while attempting to synthesize multiple faiths into a single religion - sent immediate shockwaves through the Christian community. With Jewish newcomer Jared Kushner as the mastermind, Steve Witkoff at his side, and Palestinian factions literally calling for a seven-year truce, believers hastily began preparing for the imminent rapture and the prophesied rise of the Antichrist.

The eschatological fervor reached such a fever pitch that some churches even began erecting Doomsday clocks directly by the doors.

Culture

Perjordyrieshbanosraeliaq boasts one of the most fiercely egalitarian societies in existence. To guarantee that the population reflects a perfect 33.3% demographic split at all times, government officials mandate constant, randomized forced relocations. The borders are hermetically sealed, resulting in zero immigration or emigration, and any unauthorized newcomers face immediate deportation and/or death. Even casual wandering is heavily restricted to prevent upsetting the local demographic balance.

This obsessive quota system has resulted in numerous logistical headaches. It is not uncommon for citizens attending a wedding party, or even occupants of an entire shopping mall, to be abruptly corralled and forcibly relocated to the opposite side of the country because their specific demographic weight is 'currently required elsewhere.'

Perjordyrieshbanosraeliaq's national dish is a halal, kosher, pork-free bagel filled with brisket, that must be served with PG Tips and a chocolate digestive.

Don't ask me why.

Politics

The Perjordyrieshbanosraeliaq Commissionate, hosted here by Danish PM Mads Mikkelsen.

Donald Trump is Supreme Leader of Perjordyrieshbanosraeliaq. His first decree was to ensure that the borders of Perjordyrieshbanosraeliaq were made of solid gold, and that 'Mar-a-lago Part II' should be built there. It is expected to be complete in 2027.

Tony Blair acts as President & CEO and is the operation's driving force, using his considerable influence to repeatedly apologise to the United Nations and to simultaneously secure reparations for himself.

The parliament, officially titled 'The Perjordyrieshbanosraeliaq Commissionate' is an unmitigated disaster. In order to 'ensure order and stability', British and American leaders decided to force Islamic clerics, Jewish rabbis and Zoroastrian mobeds to share a single open plan office space in Jerusalem. This has resulted in a myriad of issues, and they have yet to agree on a single policy. In the space of just two weeks, 35,629 policies have been drafted, fiercely debated, and left entirely unresolved.

Eurovision

Perjordyrieshbanosraeliaq is a member of the Eurovision Song Contest for reasons as yet unknown. This has caused substantial controversy, as it is currently the third non-European country to be allowed to enter the contest (with Indonesia and Japan tipped as the next additions).

Economy

Nobody quite knows what to do. The official currency, the UN-administered Qatari Shekel, only exists on a technical level - as a cryptocurrency on a server in Texas. Locals are supplied with iPhones and told to buy milk with a buggy app that crashes every time the call to prayer is issued.

Construction has begun on an eight-lane American highway designed to connect Tehran directly to Jerusalem in a perfectly straight line. However, due to budget cuts the road stops dead in the middle of the desert. So far 13,295 people have been declared stranded. Officials have told them the road will be completed in a few years and to 'sit tight.'