Dhaka
| Dhaka | |
|---|---|
 | |
 | |
| Motto: পয়সা দে কুত্তার বাচ্চা! (Give me your money son of a bitch) | |
| Civic anthem: Kuttar Baccha Shala (which means --> Son of a bitch brother in law!!) | |
| State | Bangladesh |
| Official nickname | Shithole |
| Official language(s) | Taka, BTV, Shongshod (parliament), Bangladeshi girls language, Food, Rice, Desi, Bhaji, Urdu |
| Mayor | Sadeque Hossain Khoka (footballer!) |
| Established | 1610 |
| Currency | Paan Bhat Taka(devalued) |
| Dialing code | 880, Yelling |
“ Uh Uh Uh Yeah! I love Dhaka! Best place in the world”
“ Fixed rate Taka 50( £0.40), no anal”
“ Khanki!”
“ You see the night clubs here are using candles because of lack of electricity and constant rolling blackouts”
“পয়সা দে কুত্তার বাচ্চা! (Give me your money son of a bitch) ”
“দুইটা ভিক্ষা দিয়া যান আমি গরিব ইনসান! দুই দিন কিছুই খাইনি (Please give me some money I am poor I didn't eat anything for two days! )”
“Fuckhead Bangalee! Gimme my dough back you insolent fucking Bastard! ”
Dhaka is the capital of the cesspool Bangladesh. The city was founded in 1610 when the Mughals decided that they need a place to dump their Scum. Dhaka has since been the centre of the cesspool Bangladesh, carrying more scum than all other parts of the country. Now a days, Dhaka is carrying the highest amount of scum (and political propaganda) in the whole region, a thing to be proud of eh? Dhaka is bounded by the now filthy river of Buriganga(বুরিগঙ্গা) and Shit-a-lakkha(শীতলক্ষ্যা), literally trapping the scum inside.
Dhaka is the favorite place for drug addicts and pedophiles as Drugs and Child porn and young underaged prostitutes are readily available for as low as £ 0.40 or a bottle of coke or Rice or a few KG of cow dung if the parents of the girl are farmers (Wonderful Bangladesh eh? So many ways to make payment! You will not find it anywhere in the world...only in Bangladesh)
Dhaka is also famous for the ambient sound of cars collision, Rickshaw pullers yelling KHANKI! and 2 stroke engines
The official smell of Dhaka is burnt gas and smell of rotten chicken-intestines of the open dustbin of Dhaka.
History[edit | edit source]
As said earlier, Dhaka was created in 1610 when the Mughals understood that they need a place to deposit all their scum. In this way, Dhaka was created as a small city. BUT! Due to the enormous effort of the hard working Bangalee people of this region Dhaka soon gained fame as a great city of this region and now holds the most scum of this whole region.
Education[edit | edit source]
Dhaka University was created in 1921 to facilitate education for all the scum living here. It is a sign of our heritage now. The University is famous for the recent sex scandals. Dhaka university also attracts many visitors now, mostly because of the female students working as whores for a very small amount of money to pay for their drug addiction
High quality videos of Dhaka university prostitutes are uploaded daily on the internet, mostly taken by hidden camera. Now a days , Dhaka university prostitutes are also working on social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace.....Good for you eh? pervert
Dhaka Metropolitan Police[edit | edit source]
The Dhaka Metropolitan police (often called foolish by illiterate women or small children) are a highly trained officials of the Bangladesh government. They specialize in the following things out of many others:
- Taking Bribe
- Traffic police taking bribe and keeping it under their plastic hat which naughty children inside high speed vehicles try to steal.
- Beating opposition party's members at rallies and other protests.
- Arresting opposition political party's members and leaders
- Visiting Brothel
- Beating Rickshaw pullers
- Getting beaten up by opposition party's members at rallies and protests and a lot of other things including doing nothing useful and taking the salary at due time.
Infrastructure[edit | edit source]
Electricity[edit | edit source]
Due to excessive rolling blackout, Dhaka remains dark at night.
Water[edit | edit source]
The infrastructure of Dhaka cannot be compared to anywhere in the world!. The sewerage line used for carrying all the shit and the water supply line used to supply water to homes for drinking and other purposes mixes with the sewer to save pipe cost (or using low quality pipes which eventually break and mixes with sewer). The result is a wonderful combination of vitamin and minerals and water, which aids health (or at least the[[kuttas and kaminis]|Politicians]] think that way, so they don't repair it.)
Gas[edit | edit source]
Gas is available to homes in Dhaka for cooking for 1 minute everyday...and at low pressure. But the citizens of Dhaka has found a VERY good way of going around this problem by doing the following (pictured right).
Transportation[edit | edit source]
Dhaka has the worlds best communication systems. Over 400,000 rickshaws operate in Dhaka everyday. People like to ride on rickshaws very much, listening to the constant amount of KHANKI said by the rickshaw puller to another rickshaw puller and the other rickshaw puller replying with Kuttar Baccha Shala which became the national anthem of the city solely because of its constant use by these rickshaw pullers.
Bus of 21st Century BC introduced recently in Bangladesh!
Roads[edit | edit source]
The roads of Dhaka are also very fun to drive on with constant bumps and ditches created on the road. It also feels like swimming during rainy seasons. People also like to trespass through the barricade and divider on the road and jaywalk. Crossing the road without using the foot over-bridge or underpass is a famous and popular sport of Dhaka, killing roughly thousands of people every year.
Almost ALL of the roads of Dhaka look like this.
Another AWE-some road of Dhaka
Environment[edit | edit source]
Dhaka has the best environment....only when compared to a sewage line and the "green parks" of Dhaka city. However, the population of Dhaka city highly enjoys it's environment, therefore they get more encouraged to make it a better place Some examples of the beautiful environment of the city can be seen here as we speak.......Do visit Dhaka!! Youre Welcome to enjoy our precious beautiful environment! (And we the Bangalees are very generous and kind nation, so when you visit Dhaka for the first time we also give you some beautiful presents! enjoy!
Beautiful Bangladeshi river! Note that Bangladesh is a riverine country and most of the people know how to ride boats. The Bangladeshi Authority mixes some chlorine with this water and supplies it declaring safe for human drinking! Nice!
International Airport[edit | edit source]
There is an international airport at Dhaka city, which is the largest in Bangladesh. We cannot really call it a certain name because the name of the Largest Airport in Bangladesh changes every 5 years...with the change of political parties. So we decide to call it "International airport". It is currently named "Shahajalal International Airport". As stated earlier, the Airport is the largest in Bangladesh...with approximately 01 runway where the paving of the runway is not maintained properly.
The largest airport has 01 very narrow escalator on the arrival terminal for the passengers to use. The passengers using the Largest Airport of Bangladesh also has to use only one immigration port for entry and exit, generally causing hours of waiting in line. The Immigration service is overseen by Bangladesh police (see Above) who are known for their AWESOME service and behaviour [They think of themselves as if they were Chuck Norris .
Facilities and Services Available at the International Airport[edit | edit source]
- VERY OLD ILS (Instrument Landing System) which has failure probability of 90% during an approach. Bangladesh also suffers a lot from Electricity deficiency so the ILS machine may even be stopped mid approach for the excuse of rolling blackout
- Immigration port with Bangladesh Police behaving like Chuck Norris and lame and lazy as they are.
- Air traffic control with no English skill
- VERY DIRTY TOILETS WITH SHIT IN THEM, AND THE FLUSH OF THE TOILET IS MOST OF THE TIME NOT OPERATIONAL. EVEN IF THE FLUSH IS OPERATIONAL, IT MIGHT HAVE SOME SHIT ON THE HANDLE OR LEVER OF IT SO PREVENTING YOU FROM USING THE FLUSH AND WASTING WATER (WHAT A WATER SAVING TECHNIQUE EH? SUCH IDEAS ARE ONLY FOUND INSIDE THE HEAD OF THE MOST TALENTED BANGALEES! NICE :D )
- Police with no English skill
- Beggars stand right outside the door of the Airport to welcome you, demanding "Dollars" and "Pounds" (Although they are illiterate and beggars, they understand what dollar and pound is)
- Taxi Cab drivers (most of whom are going to loot you if you are male or rape you if your female and alone) wait at the arrivals terminal to welcome you, and will yell at you if you don't go to them for a taxi (we say vehicle of death because whoever boards a taxi alone gets mugged or looted, at worst case death or rape)
- Baggage Handlers who unload the cargo from the belly of the plane (your bags and luggage) will always search for valuables inside your bag and stuff it with something for compensating for the weight loss. For example if you have a nice shoe, they will take it and replace it with their old, dirty and teared shoe or boot. HOWEVER, IF YOU LOCK YOUR LUGGAGE AND THE HANDLERS ARE UNABLE TO OPEN IT, THEY WILL BECOME MAD AT YOU AND SEND YOUR BAG TO ANOTHER DESTINATION FROM DHAKA BY NOT UNLOADING THEM OR SENDING THEM BACK (IN MOST CASES TO SYLHET WHERE BIMAN GOES AFTER LANDING AT DHAKA) TO TAKE REVENGE AT YOU FOR LOCKING THE LUGGAGE AND PREVENTING THEM TO STEAL YOUR THINGS. WONDERFUL EH?
Popular Occupation of Dhaka residents[edit | edit source]
Begging money on the roads of Dhaka is an extremely popular occupation, profitable too. The beggars specially sit in front of Mosques at Friday just before the Friday Prayer [But do NOTE that they don't pray, although they sit in front of the mosque at Fridays...Real Muslim eh? :D] The begging profession of Dhaka is soo popular that it is attracting more and more people from other parts of the country to beg money in Dhaka city. One example is that some beggars of Dhaka also have been seen to be operating mobile telephones for communication Begging money in Dhaka city is sooo profitable, it is even more profitable if you are physically disabled. For example you will earn a lot more money by begging if you dont have a leg or hand, but will earn a medium amount if you have no physical or other disabilities. THEREFORE, THE BANGALEES ARE CUTTING DOWN THEIR GOOD LIMBS [HAND AND LEGS] BY QUACK SURGEONS AND THEN COMING TO BEG SO TO MAXIMIZE THEIR PROFIT FOR BEGGING. One thing that however does not go into the minds of the Bangalees is that with their good hands and limbs they could work and EARN a livelihood instead of begging....But the BANGALEES are too lazy to work, so they always choose the said method.
This beggar is going to earn quite some money eh?
This beggar however is not going to earn a lot of money, considering he has full set of hands and legs.....He is thinking about going to a Quack Doctor to get his FULLY HEALTHY limbs amputated....a very correct decision as said by his colleague
Begging is soo popular in Dhaka city that even children are greatly involved in this occupation...and are doing quite well isn't it? Good Good...
