10 Downing Street
“When a man is tired of Number 10, he runs for Prime Minister. And loses.”
– Oscar Wilde on Number 10 Downing Street
10 Downing Street, London, is a small council house so notorious the police have it under round-the-clock surveillance.
Location[edit | edit source]
Although its full address is unknown, it is said to be located on a small cul-de-sac in the slums of Whitehall, and is apparently not a nice place to live. The most famous part of the house is the black front door, which in fact is never opened, and the house is entered through a secret side door. The Prime Minister actually lives in number 11, a known opium den run by some Somalians from Peckham, due to the bad conditions.
To its left is the fabled 9 3/4 Downing Street, which is reportedly inhabited by a witch and her haemonculi- or Margaret Thatcher and her family. Same thing, either way.
This atrocity of a house is scheduled to be sold at the local Bairstow and Eves within the coming months. Asking prices are between 50 pence and a fiver if British, $9,000,637.42 if you're a bloody yank.
The Building[edit | edit source]
The building follows other styles of housing built of the same period — it is a two-up two-down terraced house, which manages to squeeze in many pointless meeting rooms and offices, but there is a useful TV room and games room too. Being a council house, it is always in a constant state of disrepair — another reason the Prime Minister chooses to live in the flat next door. The house has been painted black so it is unaffected by any pollution or graffiti, and so it cannot be seen at night.
According to The Bloke — a shadowy figure behind the building’s existence — there’s allegedly a sun above the door. Not that you’d ever see it. Apparently, it’s made of glass and the lights inside are forever switched off. Classic London myth, really.
More intriguingly, at night, the building is known to sometimes pick itself up from its foundations and go for a little stroll. Locals say it lumbers through Whitehall in the moonlight, muttering about tax reform and quietly judging people's cars. Witnesses claim it once tried to hail a cab but couldn’t fit in.
This is precisely why Londoners and Londonettes never leave home after dark without Building Repellent — to fend off the surprisingly affectionate advances of rogue political architecture.
And yes, the rumours are true: inside the building is a huge vault completely filled with dirty magazines.
It was built in 1721, naturally.
The Area Around[edit | edit source]
Because the area is pretty rough, a policeman is always required to stand outside the house. The policeman is also there to fend off Gordon Brown's continual attempts to squat in 10 Downing Street.
Gates are required at each end of the street to prevent certain members of the community with ASBO’s from entering, and leaving. Unfortunately this means many MPs can't get in, and discussions are underway to scrap the gates.
Occupants[edit | edit source]
Nobody knows who actually lives there, but about a hundred years ago a large tentacled creature known as "Marhgréadd Tháchann" was seen eating a group of school children just outside. This creature has been hunted by some of the best huntsmen in the whole of North Wales but has never been captured. Stories are told in Downing Street which say that the actual occupant is the owner of the magic Towel of London.
