~ Noel Coward on British Library
Much controversy was caused recently when the British Library moved a mile north. This caused much devastation in its wake as the Library steamrollered a number of extant buildings in the way, including several culturally important Camden ghettos.
Despite the carnage left in is wake, the Library was not charged with any criminal misdemeanour because, as a library, it is exempt from most laws. (See also the case of the Body In The Bodleian solved by Inspector Morse where it turned out the Library dunnit and could not be slung in prison for it because most prisons are too small to hold libraries).
Many people have also been upset about the new British Library as it is red. The library and its rarians have countered that this should not be a cause for concern as this is the point of a library.
The British Library contains the following documents which it holds in a shocking state of disrepair in case our Monkey Overlords ever take us over and want to wave our history of literature at us to show their superiority. It also makes it easier for architects to look for treasure maps on the rear:
- The Magna Carta: The worlds first credit card. Bob Geldof is still fundraising to pay off the debts on this card which is accepted in so many places that if let out of its sealed bunker it would go on a spending spree by itself plunging the entire world into more debt.
- The Magma Go-Kart: A go cart made of molton rock, held together by purest awesome.
- The Laws Of Football: Including the one about land mines on one of the penalty spot which is only ever used in leap years.
- The First Draft Of Martin Chuzzlewit: Wherein Martin gets himself an prime-time sitcom.
- The Catalogue of The British Library: The fact that the catalogue lists itself lead Bertrand Russell to contemplate his paradox.
- The Know-Nothing Six: Enid Blyton's tale of six happy kids written especially for a short-lived German market
- The actual definition of irony incribed on iron tablets from the iron age.