London School of Economics

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“Did you mean the London Stock Exchange?”

~ Google on LSE

“In Soviet Russia, LSE gets savaged by You!”

~ Russian reversal on the London School of Economics.

“Better to have him on the inside pissing out than on the outside pissing in.”

~ Oscar Wilde on LSE's founder, George Bernard Shaw
A Lassie
LSE in its usual intellectual springtime
MottoContraho totus Exulcero Perficio Collecting all ye embittered achievers
EstablishedDingo Ate My Baby Day, 1895
School typeSurreal
HeadPetie Mandelson Kicker of Puppies
LocationLondon, Middle-earth, England, UK
EnrollmentHalf of Malaysia
by last count
EndowmentSeveral inches[1]
Faculty1,303 and sometimes Y
MascotA wet beaver

The London School of Economics and Political Science is a school that teaches economics and political science in London. It is also a misnomer, as it is actually a university, and it also teaches other things if it feels like. Founded in a Churchill-induced rage by George Bernard Shaw and other less-famous Fabians in 1895, LSE is the most international collection of investment bankers, academics and hardened criminals in one room. Its peculiar student body smothers its rage towards Messrs Oxford and Cambridge into a pillow each morning, before celebrating their long-held superiority over the rest of England's universities and shantytowns by worshiping a ceramic Penguin. Not satisfied with perpetual third place, LSE has produced the strangest assortment of overachievers in the known galaxy, including some dozen Nobel laureates, massive players John F. Kennedy and Mick Jagger, a son of Mugabe, and several women. It routinely distracts common people by having every important person that ever lived come and speak about themselves at the university.

History[edit | edit source]

George "Bernard" Shaw at the time of LSE's intellectual conception.

Around the dawn of 1895, the Fabians, the Shaw-led socialist society (or ShawSocSoc), diabolically orchestrated the meeting and mating of Raquel Welch and a local pharmacy to produce the London School of Economics. To simplify, it is perhaps the snarky transatlantic cousin of Yale University, with more emphasis on bashful beavers than bold bulldogs. LSE temporarily closed in 1969 when a band of anarchist hippies nearly took it over and smoked it. It enjoys patronizing students from Malaysia and Vietnam. It is financed by the government of Libya, which suffered a hostile takeover bid by the Nicolas Sarkozy-led Allies when Muammar Gaddafi began downsizing his country in 2011. Mrs Sarkozy is a former girlfriend of LSE dropout Mick Jagger, but France denies this possible motive.

Relationships[edit | edit source]

LSE flirted outrageously with the University of Cambridge in the 1930s, but this soured when their respective scholars Hayek and Keynes violently differed over economics, rugby, and sex. Cambridge returned to its tawdry, masochistic ways with the University of Oxford, and a dejected LSE scuttled back to hold ruthless sway over London academia, rejecting advances by the too plebeian Imperial College. Another humiliating setback came many years later in 1999, when University College London, historically LSE’s local bitch, managed an upset victory at a dance-off competition. Stunned, LSE attempted to reassert itself by assisting UCL and Imperial in a group assault and hair-pulling of the disreputable and coquettish King’s College.

Life[edit | edit source]

Average salary rate of graduates. The inverse is true for their spiritual well-being.

LSE's graduates have sadly resigned themselves to minting billions or inheriting Third World governments. Both factors are lusty pluses for potential wives, and said wives are accumulated with fierce abandon (unless the grads are women, in which case they are are walking, talking, emasculating turnoffs).

See also[edit | edit source]

References[edit | edit source]