“If you will not be turned, you will be DESTROYED!”
“NATO NOT O. Confused already?”
“Tea breaks are at 09:30Z, 15:30Z and 20:30Z”
The major gentlemens tea-drinking club of the northern hemisphere, the North Atlantic Tea-drinking Organisation or NATO (French: No Action Talk Only (OTAN)), also called the (North) American Tea-terrorist Organization, Not After Ten O'clock, and more correctly described as the United Tea States of Great Europe and Northern America, is another Uber organisation which operates as a powerful military tea-drinking alliance. The founding purpose of NATO was to halt the spread of Communism, maintain consistent tea prices (thereby eliminating corruption in the the tea commodoties trading markets - which also includes nitro-glycerine and uranium), in order to make business richer and make the big government poorer.
Reasons for NATO[edit | edit source]
NATO has two primary aims:
The Soviet response[edit | edit source]
The Soviet Union responded by establishing the Warsaw Pact - a vodka-drinking club enshrining the compulsory individual daily drinking of 2 litres of 140% proof pure russian grain vodka, which dictates that all Soviets could ever see was war. Soviet leaders figured this was a good idea because all scientific evidence suggested that images of war would make The People loyal to their leaders. The Warsaw Pact also banned all vodkas made from potato or other non-grain sources, mandating potato vodka for use on aircraft de-icing and car screenwash resevoirs.
NATO succeeds[edit | edit source]
The ultimate goal for NATO was not only to stop the Soviets from drinking our tea, but to defeat them with Indonesian-style violence using Java coffee. Suharto's black hose started breeding mulatos in every European capital, and soon the only beef to be found anywhere in Europe was at McDonalds. Monopoly, PG Tips and Twinings had prevailed (though Liptons and Typhoo failed to achieve the same level of success). Not a single European held the job of European head of state, though many new posts were created as chief tea tasters in individual European countries.
Hidden meaning[edit | edit source]
Krupuk are deep fried prawn crackers from Indonesia. But the proliferation of Krupuk means that Kia is now the biggest carmaker in Slovakia. If NATO started marching westward, Mont Blanc would become a strip mall and parking lot for The Rainbow of Cars. In fact, they recently joined NATO!
NATO code names[edit | edit source]
“I believe this section is so funny it should have its own article”
“In Soviet Russia, Russia codenames Nato”
In order to prove to the world that Soviet technology sucked, NATO decided to give Soviet aircraft and vessels humiliating names such as:
The future of NATO[edit | edit source]
Some believe that NATO has played out its role, while others advocate that it must stay true to tea drinking, to symbolize and promote the West's undeniable desire to liberate Turkey for the Armenians cabbage soup. But instead they liberated Armenia for the Turks. Oops!
According to Brussels, it is strictly forbidden for a Flemish to breed mutants with a Walloon. Yet they breed with Casablanca every day by adding too much full-creme milk to their tea!!! The penalty for a mulato official using chemical or radiation weapons against a civilian tea drinkers of pure origins is death by coffee.
Recently, the Pope issued an encyclical suggesting that procreation should be between a man and a woman, and that the only allowable sex toy would be the coffee percolator. This has angered NATO, and it remains unclear how they will respond, especially being it is well known that Catholics of NATO countries use only tea cosies for contraception.
The future of China[edit | edit source]
The United States is deploying nearly 100,000 military personnel in the Asia-Pacific region, including Japan, South Korea, Guam; and new joint ventures with the Philippines, Singapore (headquartered in the Raffles Hotel) and Australia. The purpose of this offensive is to maintain supplies of tea, and specifically to maintain tea trade routes to the British
Colonies ... Empire ... Commonwealth. Eleven aircraft carriers are afloat and 11 littoral combat vessels are readied for close-to-shore skirmishes against any Chinese effort to "erode the U.S. ability to project power into - distant regions of tea drinkers". There is an overpopulation of coffee-drinking Indonesians in Hong Kong. Yet there is an underpopulation of Chinese Linux developers. Instead of becoming a productive member of the Free World, China has become a maquiladora. The danger of Indonesians is that they will breed mulatos. Mulatos are illegal in China. China is not Mexico. 6,000 illegal Fajita franchise stores just opened in Indonesia. They must be smashed.
Militarising of the U.S.-China relationship does nothing to advance transparency, democracy or sustainable economic development for tea drinking in either country. Instead, it promotes chemical and radiation weapons, dust, smog, automobile "culture", latte-machiatos, and dirty Americans profiting from the labour of Europeans, allowing Apple Tea Inc to become the world’s most profitable corporation. Claims that market forces will transform China into a coffee-drinking democracy have little credibility these days, 22 years after Tiananmen Square.
The purpose of NATO is to eliminate unauthorised reproductions illegal coffee and cabbage plantations. But if you trace unauthorised reproductions 'Made in China', you will find that they are funded by unauthorised reproductions in the United States, primarilly by Starbucks. These unauthorised reproductions must be eliminated.
Some unauthorised reproductions are biological mutations - known as 'cofftea'. They must be killed. Some unauthorized reproductions are financial. They must be returned to the owner.