Hanso Foundation

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

The Hanso Foundation is a non-governmental organization dedicated to world domination. As such it is a legaly recognized 501(c) charity. It is owned and operated as a joint venture by the Microsoft Corporation and the Disney Corporation.

The Hanso Foundation’s Plan to Take Over the World[edit | edit source]


The Hanso Foundation's plan to take over the world can be found in the company's minutes, which they are more than happy to hand over to anyone that asks for them. The plan has five steps, as follows:

  • Step One: Confuse the hell out of everyone. Do this by airing a television show with an incomprehensible plot, an overwhelming number of characters, flashbacks that seem to be from an unrelated show, and just a bunch of stuff that happens for no reason. In an attempt to win an award for understatement they named it “Lost.” The Hanso Foundation's first attempt, called Twin Peaks, failed because audiences saw it for what it was: outtakes from porn movies edited by a blind chimp.
  • Step Two: Get everyone to watch it by showing Evangeline Lilly in her underwear.
  • Step Three: During the television program, air advertisements that aren't really advertisements. Direct them to websites that have no pictures of Evangeline Lilly.
  • Step Four: Have some actor yell at other actors during Comic-Con, because if you're trying to blur the line between fantasy and reality, Comic-Con is the place to do it.
  • Step Five: When public confusion reaches a critical mass, people won't be able to tell the difference between even the simplest things. The world will achieve a state called “Perfect Confusion.” Black will become white, wet will become dry, and perception will become reality. At this nexus, all things will reverse, and while there will be many results from this event, the one that the Hanso Foundation is most interested in is that Disneyland will become normal, and all non-Disney points in the universe will become Disneyland.

Hence, the ultimate goal of the Hanso Foundation is to turn the Earth into a giant Disneyland. The real tragedy, if this should occur, is that Disneyland does not allow pictures of Evangeline Lilly in her underwear.

Losticles[edit | edit source]

A cult-like fan group, who have dubbed themselves the “Losticles” are pivotal to the Hanso Foundation's plans. Even though they know that the show does not make one bit of sense, they keep on saying that there is some sort of logic, order, or at least a hot booty behind the show. Some go so far as to say “Lost” actually has a plot. Currently there are two separate organizations collectively known as Lostticles. One hangs down slightly lower than the other.

The seeds of truth[edit | edit source]

Most people believe that the hanso foundation does not exist. However, if you look at the subtle facts, you can see the obvious. Some examples are... beyond me at the moment.

The Valenzetti Equasion[edit | edit source]

The Valenzetti Equasion is the calculation of how long manking has left to live until we destroy ourselves via giant cochroaches created by a nuclear war eating us. The valenzetti equasion has been lost ever since the death of its creator, Enzo "I want to change my name" Valenzetti, however a small amount has been recovered:

... + 1939,1945(WWII) += ... variable(missing organs)/2 = X5 == [23] ... hydrog'en' ... Evangeline Lilly = variable(HOT) ...

As of yet, no interpretation has been given.