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Ev'nin' Guvnor, cast yer mincepies at Uncyclopædia Britannica, the content-free encyclopedia that any Tom, Dick or 'Arry can edit. Northern translation:Ey up luv! Get yers arse on t' Uncyclopedia, before Tom, Dick or Arry do or ye gunner get a thrapin'! Good Queen Bess has inspired us to work on 40,679 articles since opening in January 2005. Jolly well, old chaps. Before editing, please read the Beginner's Guide and browse the Big Five, if you will. Colonisations for the week include Canada, Newfoundland, Australia and New Zealand. Rule Britannia! Politics | Games | Computers | People | Quaint | Coherent Most Popular | Alphabetical Index | Other Categories...

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On the telly tonight Such woe, my bladder filled right to the brim, If but perchance I sought to take a leak Yet now my pantaloons now stainèd swim In urine which now dribbles down my feet! If only to the loo I'd gone posthaste, Such musings are the act of lesser men; My fav'rite pair of leggings would not waste, But truth be told, I'll piss my pants again. I never learned to listen to 'ol Blad My colon wretches yet I never poo Now brown and yellow mix with tidings glad, Instead of me relaxing on the loo. (Full article...) Recently featured: UnPoetia:The Poop Sonnets Lawrencium Rule of Thumb Europan hookmouth Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote for your favourite Pop Idol to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Britannica Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Lest we forget September 18: God's Birthday. Happy birthday, God! Infinity B.C. - God is born. Exactly how this happens remains of of the great mysteries of time, especially since the date is known with precision. 4004 B.C. - God receives the universe as a birthday present, but loses interest when He discovers that it is infested with parasites 3200 B.C. - S'dhkai, a canaanite, is struck down by lightning when he forgets God's birthday. 1300 B.C. - God decrees to his peoples that the holiest Number shall be 91. When griping ensues, God relents and changes to the much easier to remember 7. 854 A.D. - God creates Hell once the most wicked neighborhoods of Heaven reach capacity. 2001 - God gets drunk at His birthday party and passes out in Buddha´s bathroom. 2005 - God is found passed out drunk in a dumpster behind a Denny's. God is forced to attend rehab. Ye Royal Archives	Paddington Blair's word for today is procrastination Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.
	edit Auntie Beeb reports: Well, that says a lot... Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland (Pictured) Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year Some mega pop star and her boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay. NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes Trump presents new science project to Cabinet Uncyclopedia introduces AI Age Guesser™, petition nears 100,000 signatures Trump fires Zakk Wylde Trump sends condolences to "Ozzie Nelson," "Paul Hogan," "Luigi Mangione" Epstein list predictions Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • SNL cast exodus • K-pop: The Movie • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys Recent deaths: Ozzy Osbourne • Chuck Mangione • Hulk Hogan • Resident Alien • Down syndrome • Tom Lehrer • The system • FUBAR • Cartoon Network on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3) • Trump's pet sloth • Joe Burrow's toe • Robert Redford Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger (in jail) • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Dallas Cowboys' and Cincinnati Bengals' seasons • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump • Windows 10 More Current Events at Beeb News edit Did you chaps know... ... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo? Do you blimey care... ... that Alexander isn't really that Great? Care to read more?
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United Empire Loyalist of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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