Hogwash
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“What a total load of poppycock!”
Hogwash is one of the most abundant elements in the known Universe. It is third in line of prevalence behind crap and tedium and before the fourth most common element poppycock. While similar in structure (some consider it isometric with poppycock), it is not to be confused with either of the above, nor is it to be categorized with the universal elements Fluffiness, Holiness, and Evilness. The term hogwash has a very rich etymological history, owing its frequent inclusion as a catch phrase in popular culture and dialogue to its overpowering presence on Earth, the Moon, and several orbiting comets in our Solar System. It was first isolated in 1502AD by the 53rd incarnation of the Bhudda, but in more modern history has been produced with industrial capacity by reducing a solution of humor and wit in a solvent rich in the potent element human stupidity. While it is most often used in conversation, it can also represent the natural phenomenon also known as pig rain, in which pigs, which until recently have been flying due to someone's overuse of crap, collect to form a cloud and fall back to the earth. From an alternate application of the term, Hogwash has also been connected with the popular phrase "sh** hitting the fan" due to the close relationship between swine and their general lack of sanitation, as well as the actual process of washing a pig for the same reason.
Etymology[edit | edit source]
The term Hogwash is derived from the English words hog, a slang term for a large member of the Suidae family, and wash, a term used to describe the frequent ritual cleanings practiced by Druidic monks for sacrifices at Stonehenge. The word gained particular popularity among the lower-middle classes in the Southern United States around the time of the Civil War, when it was used to humorously describe the conditions of the personal hygiene of most Southerners at the time. The sentence, "You look like you've been a-hogwashin'!" was the most common use of the term.
Practical Uses[edit | edit source]
Hogwash can be used in a myriad of ways to accomplish a great many negative or reduction reactions. First, it can be used in substitution of humor or wit in reactions involving joculation and/or descriptions of extraordinary events. Accusations of a person or persons spouting "pure" or "total" hogwash have been used to describe a situation in which the events declared by said person(s) are known to be superfluous or untrue. In these cases, the term hogwash is used to make an association between the declaration and the byproduct of a manual/mechanized hog washing, which is normally water laced with swine fecal material and the conglomerate compound mud. It can be inferred that the slang hogwash can thus be equated to a "mound of crap", but again, the make-up of hogwash is distinct from simple crap.
Other Uses[edit | edit source]
As stated above, the term hogwash can alternatively be used to describe the physical practice of washing a pig. While the actual routine has been largely mechanized to curb charges of certain pig farmers using child labor to accomplish adequate swine hygiene, manual washings do still occur in isolated areas of the United States and the Middle East, where mechanization is still considered a futuristic dream.