User:Fish on skates/Noo engilsh

noo engilsh iss teh moest noowist laehngoowihj on teh plannit eksepped maeby mokasninan

teh baesiks

noo engilsh as uhbawht rehdoosing evrythngi to itsts moest baesik proenounseeation tehre is no grahmmars teh ohtoecorruhct iss teh moest bihguhst rievuhl oof noo engilsh foour tsi seke ith to currhruhct noo engilsh. coomas and cwoetashuhn mareks r reeplaesed wthi pearrehnthuhsees (lieke thsi)

teh hissdaree

noo engilsh wuz innbentid bye phish no sgaytes n ColonelKurtz (hiz naym iss teh olnle tihng sbeled currhruhctly inn teh laengoohwihj)

wy yue shuhld speeake noo engilsh

1. it ssrimpuhl ot leerahn
2. u wlil b toedalleeigh lawssed iph yue dot
3. mene garhrehntee ti
4. mene wlil uhlsoe sui yu
5. mene garhrehntee it

teh proenounseeation

(Warning: basic English is going to be written here but only because its a pain in the ass to write noo engilsh and not have the autocorrect correct)

1. K should be pronounced like C, as C is pronounced like S, except wherefore a E should occupy the last place or directly proceed the K, then K will be pronounced like it originally is.
2. C should be pronounced as C originally is, unless there is a K (as in Cked) then it forms the pronounciation of the letter X, or 'cks'
3. R is originally silent in all cases, except wherefore Cked should precede the R, then it gains the role of the Norse letter AE (as in Ainur, not anus)