Biffy Clyro
Biffy Clyro | |
|---|---|
.jpg) Okay, seriously, who are these guys? | |
| Background information | |
| Also known as | The Fish Screwers |
| Genres |
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| Discography | who even cares |
| Years active | 1995–present (which means they might read this article) |
| Members |
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Biffy Clyro is a Scottish rock band from Scotland. As well as being Scottish, nobody outside of the rainy isles has heard of them. The band is composed of one Scottish guy, and two other Scottish guys who are for some reason twins, even though they look nothing alike. During concerts, the trio are joined by musicians Mike Vennart and Dick "99% of Gamblers Quit Before They Win it Big" Ingram. Currently signed to 14th Floor Records, they have released at least six albums. Following the first three, their maybe-existent fan base grew to slightly larger numbers. As for who they actually are, I'm still not sure. I'm pretty sure they're a band, however. As well as being from Scotland, they are apparently very popular in the UK, which is not a place I've visited. As for their music ... I'm not sure that exists either.
Biffstory[edit | edit source]
1995–2000[edit | edit source]
The first version of the "Biffs" was formed in 1995, when a small child named Simon Neil started playing some random songs he wrote with his buddy Boyan Chowdhury. They later recruited Ben Johnston, and his brother James, even though he "didn't wanna be in Bennie's lame ass band". Regardless of his whining, James was forced to be in the band by the boys' mother. When the four played their first gig, they went by the name "Simon and the Fish Screwers" which is an awful name (even the unfunnified version of it is bad). They played as an opener for a band called Pink Kross, another Scottish band no one's ever heard of. After Chowdhury got sick of the twins' shit and left, the now-trio moved to Glasgow. Neil, the main man, went to the aptly named University of Glasgow, and the twins went to Stow College.
After playing a fuckton of gigs around Glasgow and getting some positive reactions, the band was spotted by a man by the name of D-Ball, who sounds like he is a pedophile, and the man became their manager.
2001–2005[edit | edit source]
You know, why the hell are we doing this per five years? screw it.
2001–right now[edit | edit source]
In 2006 Clyro and the Biffs left the place they were at and actually became popular, if by popular you mean ten whole people came to their shows. They then did a whole bunch of other shit that, to be perfectly honest, I really don't care about. On 21 May 2025, the band played a secret show under their old awful name, and debuted two songs. As for what a "secret show" is, apparently it's a British thing where they simply do a show somewhere random with zero warning. also, they announced that James wouldn't be on the next tour because he did a bunch of drugs. Fun.
Okay, what the hell does the name mean?[edit | edit source]
The band never actually said where the name came from, and Simon said it was a "stupid name" (actual quote), and that it was quite "awkward" to explain what the hell it meant to fans. In an interview, they said that they simply make up stories about how the name was invented because they are simply bored of being asked the same question. The high success rate of getting people to shrug and forget has led high-profile criminals to employ similar methods when being asked similarly annoying questions.
But who is Biffy Clyro?[edit | edit source]
After at least one hour of research, I still don't actually know who or what Biffy Clyro is. Are they a band? A person? Three Scotsmen that have been combined into one horrible monstrosity? Nobody knows. Except maybe Chuck Norris, because he knows everything. Or God? Please tell me if you figure it out. I've been staring at these words and they just simply don't make sense. Nothing about this makes sense. It tells me that they are a band, but then my screen flickers into other, worse things. The only things left are the screen, my mouse, my keyboard, and the void. Not a dark void, or a white void, but a ... a Biffy void. Is that what Biffy Clyro is? Everything? Or is nothing Biffy Clyro? Am I Biffy Clyro? Are you Biffy Clyro? Are we Biffy Clyro? I don't ... understand anymore. Send help.