UnNews:RFK Jr. fat-shames Annoying Orange
Friday, January 16, 2026
UNITED STATES — While on a podcast with Katie Miller, wife of the bald dude that looks funny who works for Homeland Security, Robert Fuckass Francis Kennedy Junior was questioned who had the most "unhinged eating habits", to which he replied in his slow and painfully raspy voice, "the president".
RFK Jr. then proceeded to list the fatass' diet of McDonald's, pizza, and Diet Coke. While it's not confirmed, there have been rumors of Donald Trump's choice of drink being to make him feel less like a glutton, like the fat fucking chud he is. A brave UnNews field reporter had attempted to interview the president to which they were met with hostility. Trump had labeled the reporter as a bearer of fake news while eating a Big Mac. The reporter is still recovering as crumbs get picked from his face.
"If you travel with him, you get this idea he is pumping himself full of poison all day long and you don't know how he's walking around, much less being the most energetic person any of us have ever met," Kennedy probably stated, his voice was raspy putting me to sleep waiting on him to get the words. This is supposedly because of the brain eating worm in his head.
Last April, Trump's physician told reporters that he was in good health. However, an UnNews whistle-blower within RFK Jr.'s staff states that the Secretary of Health has stated Diet Coke causes autism. This may be why Trump has an obsession with Greenland.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Mike Stunson "RFK Jr. On Trump’s Diet: ‘I Don’t Know How He’s Alive’" Forbes, January 14, 2026