The Dogs

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MR. PINK: "Like a Whore" is all about a man who digs a girl with a big dick. The whole song is a metaphor for big dicks.

MR. BLUE: No it's not. It's about a guy who is very vulnerable, and needs to be held by big strong arms.

JOE CABOT: (looking through an address book) Tobey Maguire.. who the fuck is Tobey Maguire?

MR. WHITE: (grabs the book out of his hand and pockets it) You're not getting this back until the plot says so.

MR. BROWN: Dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.

MR. ORANGE: How many dicks was that?

MR. BROWN: It's how many I've taken before.

[the fellas crack up]

JOE CABOT: Faggot.

[waitress comes over with the check]

WAITRESS: Can I get anybody more coffee?

MR. BROWN: Dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.

WAITRESS: Excuse me?

JOE CABOT: Faggot.

[Joe Cabot leaves the table to pay the meal, and tells the others to handle the tip]

MR. PINK: I don't tip. (everyone at the table applauds and everyone high-fives him)

JOE CABOT: Oh, when I come back, I want my book back.

MR. WHITE: Blow me.

MR. BROWN: Gladly.

JOE CABOT: Mr. Blonde, shoot this guy. Please!

[Mr. Blonde stands up and draws his handgun, empties entire magazine into Mr. Brown, the fellas crack up]

MR. WHITE: Let's go rob a jewelry store.

EVERYONE: (in unison) HELL YEAH!

THE WAREHOUSE[edit | edit source]

[Mr. Orange is laying in a warehouse, bleeding out profusely, Mr. White is pacing back and forth; screaming "YOU'RE GONNA BE OKAY!!!"]


[Mr. Pink storms into the warehouse, yelling]

MR. PINK: Was that a fucking set-up or what?

[Mr. Pink sees Mr. Orange laying on the floor]

MR. PINK: Oh fuck, Orange got tagged.


MR. PINK: Where's Brown?

MR. WHITE: Are you fucking retarded? Did you not see him get filled full of lead?

MR. ORANGE: i'm a cop...

MR. WHITE: You really think we were set up?

MR. PINK: Do you even doubt it? Where did all of those marshals come from, huh? No marshals before, but after the alarm? They're there! You think a convoy of them just so happened to be strolling along the street?

MR. WHITE: Oh fuck. You think they got Mr. Black?

MR. PINK: I don't know what to fuckin' think right now.

MR. WHITE: Let's go into the other room.

[Mr. White and Mr. Pink leave Mr. Orange bleeding out alone]

MR. WHITE: (about Mr. Orange) He's fucked.


MR. WHITE: Take a breather, splash some water on your face.

[Mr. Pink turns on a sink and nearly drowns splashing water on his face]

MR. WHITE: What happened with the Happy Meal? Did we fucking lose it?

MR. PINK: No, I managed to grab it and haul ass out of dodge. I stashed it.

MR. WHITE: Good man! How did you get out?

MR. PINK: I shot my way out, how do you think?

FLASHBACK TO EARLIER[edit | edit source]


PRESENT[edit | edit source]

[Mr. Blonde enters the room, eating a Happy Meal]

MR. WHITE: Is.. is that the Happy Meal we stole?


[Mr. White and Mr. Blonde start fighting]

MR. PINK: N******! N******! N******! N******!

[Mr. White and Mr. Blonde look at Mr. Pink in disbelief, Mr. Black walks into the room]

MR. BLACK: Motherfucking racist ass motherfucker!

[Mr. Pink points at Mr. Orange, stating that he said it]

MR. BLACK: Mothafucka!

[Mr. Black elbow-drops Mr. Orange, leaves the warehouse]

MR. BLONDE: What the fuck was that about?

ANOTHER FLASHBACK[edit | edit source]

[Everyone is gathered in a room, Joe Cabot assigns their aliases]

MR. PINK: Why do I get Mr. Pink? Isn't that a bit too close to Mr. Faggot?

MR. BROWN: Yeah, isn't Mr. Brown a little too close to Mr. Shit?

MR. BLACK: Isn't Mr. Black a little too close to Mr. N*****?

JOE CABOT: Yes to all of those.

MR. WHITE: Be quiet, Mr. Pink. It's just a name.

MR. PINK: Easy for you to say! You got a cool ass name.

MR. BLACK: Can I be Mr. Motherfucker?

YET ANOTHER FLASHBACK[edit | edit source]

[A random black guy and Mr. Orange/Freddy are talking in a McDonald's]

FREDDY: Finally got picked up by Nice Guy Eddie and met Joe and Mr. White.

BLACK GUY: Did you all get to talking?


BLACK GUY: What about?

FREDDY: Stuff.

[Black guy takes a big bite out of his burger and starts choking]

FLASHBACK[edit | edit source]

[Joe, Mr. Orange, Mr. White, and Nice Guy Eddie are all gathered at a table, Mr. Orange is telling them a fake story about a drug deal he did]

What the fuck is going on in there?!

MR. ORANGE: So I meet this guy I'm supposed to sell to, but I gotta take a shit real bad. So I run to the men's room real quick, still with all the weed on me. I walk in, and four motherfuckin' marshals are standing right there, with a damn dog and everything. The dog starts barking his head off and the marshals are all staring at me. I get into the stalls they're standing in front of, then I just start ripping some crazy ass. The marshals are talking about an embezzlement scandal while I'm in there, and my ass ripping deafens their story. I must've ripped ass for a solid 15 seconds straight, followed by dead silence. I could feel them staring at my fuckin' stall, dog and all. Oh man, it got worse. I started spewing shit all over the toilet and walls. Hell, some even hit the roof and the marshals could obviously see it. I was wiping for what felt like an eternity, I finally left the stall completely covered in feces and walked past the marshals, shooting me daggers with a horrified look on their faces. The dog was whimpering. I washed my hands and got the fuck out of there.


[Mr. Brown, Mr. White, and Mr. Orange are hauling ass in a car. Mr. Brown has survived the Mr. Blonde shooting is driving with a bullet in his head, he swerves the car into a parked truck.]

MR. WHITE: This is fucked!

MR. ORANGE: Hurry the fuck up, Brown!

[Mr. Brown gets out of the car and is obviously dazed and confused, and slowly jogs away. A cop car comes drifting around the corner and runs Mr. Brown over at high speeds.]

MR. WHITE: We gotta get the hell out of here!

[The two walk into a nearby road and stop a car, Mr. Black is driving it. They're all relieved.]

He fuckin' shot me, man....

MR. BLACK: Am I glad I found you motherfuckers!



[Mr. Black gets extremely angry and shoots Mr. Orange in the stomach, speeds off.]

THIRTY MINUTES LATER[edit | edit source]

NICE GUY EDDIE: What the fuck happened here?

[Joe Cabot walks into the warehouse, Eddie draws his gun on him]

NICE GUY EDDIE: Are you out of your fuckin' mind?

JOE CABOT: The fuck are you doin'? Put the gun down, son.

[multiple gunshots, everyone is dead except Mr. Pink, Mr. White, and Mr. Orange, Mr. Pink runs out of the warehouse and is hit by another car]

MR. ORANGE: I'm a McDonald's employee... I'm sorry...

MR. WHITE: (crying and screaming)


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