Scott Aukerman

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“Ayyyy boiiii let's get KFC then smoke some dank kush after”

~ Scott on wanting KFC and weed

Scott [middle name classified by the FBI] Aukerman, also known as Stop Tacoman, Shop Talkerman, Flop Chonkenton, Yacht Rockerman, Hot Saucerman, Shock Jockerman, Snot Bockerman, Stop Clockerman, Posh Nachoman, Hot Soccermom, Second Seasonman, Temp Namerman, Cop Swapperman, Blog Gawkerman, Flash Backerman, Crop Circleman, Flip Flopperman, Jesus Christ, Hurt Lockerman, Pop Fatherman, Off Broadwayman, Scott Arm-man, Bram Stokerman, Strike Outerman, Font Jokerman, Sliding Doorman, Stock Photoman, Spock Trekkiefan, Lights Downerman, Bing Crosbyman, Meet Thefockerman, Scarf Knitterman, Homeofthe Whopperman, Joe Cockerman, After Shockerman, Khaki Dockerman, Scott Aukerman, Dead Walkerman, Avoid Noiderman, F. Scott Fitzaukerman, Not Letterman, Allah, Wayne Campbell, Binge Watcherman, Biological Clockerman, Got Tryptophan?, Great Fostermom, Writer's Blockerman, Doc Clockerman, Yule Loggerman, Sky Walkerman, Scout's Honorman, Stop Gapperman, Slapshot Puckerman, Ed Hardyman, Heart Breakerman, Sony Walkman, Stale Raisinbran, Mauve Sweaterman, God, Two Andahalfmen, Koosh Rubberstrand, Flat Circleman, Hans Zimmerman, Ridley Scott's Alien, The Pope, Spam Blockerman, Bad Farmerstan, M. Scott Shyamalan, Groot Rocketman, Dodge Caravan, Settler of Catan, See Kazakhstan, Top Secret Plan, TaB Sodacan, The Brothers Solomon, Shot Unbrokenman, Quote Anchorman, Prop Comedian, Y tu Mamá También, Weird Alkerman, Sprint Family Plan, Not Mikita, Stan, Shock and Aukerman, Dr. Frank-N-Furter, Steve Miller Band, Sag Aftraman, Scotch Taperman, Ska Checkeredvans, Stock Ingstufferman, Reggie Watts, Kid Cudi or "Weird Al" Yankovic, is a stoner who lives in Stonertown, MA born on Mensemcheekinandoz 69th, 420. He is infamous for creating a stand-up comedy show that got turned into a podcast and got turned into a TV show on IFC (the initials stand for "I FANTASTIC CHEESE" for those who don't know) whom co-host is currently a mentally insane, autistic, nonidentical clone of himself (Alfred Matthew "Weird Al" Yankovic, apparently), whom's only words are "va-va-va-voo" and "EAT IT" as a result of being abused as a young clone by a drinking and weed-smoking Aukerman.

History and Life[edit]

Scott was born at 4:20am on the dot on the aforementioned date to Mama and Papa Oakerman (Scott changed his name to Aukerman while drunk and high because he thought it was the wrong spelling. Go figure.), whom disappeared shortly after his birth. Scott spent his life growing up on his own in a caveman like condition and usually fatally whacked people with wrecking balls to try and get a new home. At the age of 7 he found his longtime drug dealer 420steve who provided him with all the beautiful drugs you could ever imagine. At 11 he ended up sneaking into a high school (ok, you get the script, he was high.) and finally got an education and family at 15.

At 6, Scott made three clones of himself - Reggie Watts, Kid Cudi and Alfred Yankovic. All of them were treated like slaves and bashed by a drug-taking Scott, which results in their awkward behaviour as they co-host "Comedy Death-Ray: The Anime for hard-core comedy Otaku". The one who had the most drugs injected was current Comedy Death-Ray TV series co-host Alfred, who later got diagnosed with autism and ADHD and can only say two phrases. He dresses weirdly and goes on the show to relieve his suicidal thoughts and as therapy to learn that Scott is now "a friendly man" (as mentioned in his special social story on the subject). He still wears diapers and has no sense of danger; which has caused recent controversy with the police. The arrest reasons on his criminal record include urinating on policemen and jumping in front of a police car to get run over.

He attended Stonertown College, where he studied stand-up comedy. He went off to some local place nearby to start his stand-up show Comedy Bang! Bang! (which later got renamed Comedy Death-Ray as is the entire franchise today) and began praying to Snoop Dog everyday to thank him for helping him to stop doing drugs.

Also, remember kids, drugs are bad, if you do them you go to hell before you die. It's simple.

Comedy Death-Ray (Formerly "Comedy Bang! Bang!")[edit]

This is Scott's terrible, drug-filled franchise that sends chills and thrills down fan's spines. No more to be said about it.