UnPoetia:Charles Bronson

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Unpoetia logo.jpg Poetry for people who hate poetry
Charles Bronson.

Daddy, I already counted till infinite twice!

Charles Bronson: A Poem

Charles Bronson had a firearm

That flooded streets with gore

And everywhere that Bronson went

He killed, then killed some more

Charles Bronson was an architect

The world will sorely miss

He made the three great pyramids

To look just like his fist

The first three knuckles turned out well,

Til Moses came to whine

His "Let my people go" soon stopped

When Charles ripped out his spine

Charles once bench-pressed a sperm whale

One hundred times his mass

He then bit off the fish's head

Moby Dick, my ass.

Charles Bronson beat up college kids

For their stupid-looking hair

He once made fifty kids combust

With a single, manly stare

Charles Bronson made beef jerky,

Atomic bombs, and fists

He made the world a better place

Gorillas in the mist

For target practice, Bronson kicked

A baby into space

Before it left the Milky Way

He shot it in the face

Charles Bronson hated hippies

Like hippies hate being clean

He shot them all right through the teeth

To teach them good hygiene

Bronson's very early years

Were truly times of doom

Young Bronson tore off hippie heads

While in his mother's womb

Charles Bronson went on eBay

When beef jerky stocks were hit

He bought Tutankhamun's mummy

And ate him, bit by bit

Keeping Charles is very hard

His needs are quite unique

He must be let outside to kill

At least five times each week

When Charles Bronson is aroused

He bites off women's heads

It should be unsurprising

That his girlfriends are all dead

He hates men as well as girls

He only loves dogs

Everytime he sees a cat he hurls

The same happens when he sees frogs

Charles does not always use a gun

Although he likes it best

When he runs out of bullets

He'll just punch through people's chests

A dying widow left her child

On Bronson's porch one night

Charles took him in and, gently,

Ate him in one bite

Charles Bronson in his later years.

"What you don't know can't hurt you"

Is bad advice to give

While you might not know Bronson

HE knows where you live

When manliness is lacking

And hippies rule the Earth

We will see a second coming:

Charles Bronson's grand rebirth

The mountains will be leveled,

The populace will scream

It's when there are none left to rule

That Bronson rules supreme.

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