User:Nacky
I have no idea how to align stuff on here. I've got places to go, people to see, and I've seen better days. At this point, we're just waiting for stupid Wormwood to make up its mind. It's rather frustrating. Armageddon just got ridiculous and we're all still pushing pencils. I don't know how to do stuff on here only the basics. I'm sure I'll get into some kind of trouble. Unless everyone is just as hyper as me, we'll all get along. I like stuff that mocks other stuff. I was involved in a lot of things that happened although I wasn't necessarily there. Can I go home now?
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I'm from a Jovian Planet. And we do have atmospheres. So there. I'm given tasks all over the solar system and at the moment I'm tending to a small moon that Mars has constructed, with an 81 mile diameter. It's been on the fritz and a sad deep gloom has engulfed it.
Random fly-bys are joyously carried out with the help of Gwax and sometimes I see Gwax on a cloud of nines. I like bubbles. I like baskets, buckets, ironing boards and vacuum cleaners. They help. I also like containers. Not the plastic ones so much, I like the glass ones. Sometimes ceramic ones. It just depends. I like Mhaille's Zodiak pic. He's also from another planet so we get along. I don't know who that other guy is. I would have mentioned him by name, but I can only refer to him as that other guy. There's not too many other guys by that same name so people should know who I'm referring to. BTW this is Gwax. Thanks for stopping by.
Some Satire, Historical Events and all round Meh[edit | edit source]
I was there. Then I wasn't there. I wanted to play the Medieval character that resembled a peasant princess who was an undercover ninja assassin. But for some reason that was undoable.
“In Smugville, you get squashed by Smugs”
“In Soviet Russia, Squash smugs YOU!!”
“Oh look at all these politicians! Time to break out the chainsaws!”
“In America you can break a chainsaw, in Soviet Russia, chainsaw breaks YOU!!”
Photo Manips & Submissions[edit | edit source]
At this point there are several uploads. It's a bowling ball rolling down the yellow brick road as if Emerald City were really a bunch of green, tubular pins, in case anyone was wondering wtf that was. Sometimes the simplistic is the funniest formula. It's still laziness, though. My first article Wizwang of Ooze is my own reflection on syrupy classics and therefore more of a review than an actual article. In no way offering any helpful advice. I've helped out with such articles as Galaxy, Munchkins, SCA, Trojan War and many others. I say helped but really I made them better because they annoyed me in their original state being messy and all.
These would be mine:
Zodiak
Cassandra
Catwoman
Apollo
Ares
Hercules
Perseus
Andromeda
(co-author)
Aragorn
Legolas
JFK Jr.
Ezra Conan Watnick
Chris Miller
Kash Patel (new)
Michael Flynn
Sidney Powell
Lin Wood
Hot Viking Guy
Austin Steinbart
Beetlejuice
(it had one sentence, so I took it over and glommed onto it)
The War of the Ring
(co-author)
Christopher Wray
The Castaways
Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla
Giant Goldfish of Doom
Mutant Mammoth of Mayhem
Grotesque Gator of Chaos
Downsized Dolphin of Disaster
Chameleon Cockroach of Calamity
Cast Iron Caldron of Catastrophe
The Government vs Cthulhu
The Crate
Chicken Duck Woman Thing
Big Fat Ass Floating Cupcake
Humongous Giant Tomato
Good One
Black Sea
Mount Olympus
R'lyeh
Isengard
Leprechaun Castle
The Puzzle States
Weird Ass Tennis
Druids
Heretic
An Emoji For How I Feel
The 4400
Smugkepe (it was the least I could do)
Stuff about Smugs & Maybe Locusts
Happy Thoughts (this was based on a challenge by someone who wanted to do a psychological evaluation on people who write for Uncyclodedia)
After many years of inactivity due to not being able to escape Earth the old-fashioned way, and begrudgingly accepting my horrible fate until I can hijack a stupid spaceship from Bob, I seem to be around again and causing all kinds of trouble. Anyway I'm determined to remain bitchy and unforgiving of the oligarchs of world domination, so, I've written up articles about Q peoples who are angering them. I've written the truth about them. Not the typical stuff you'd expect. For example it's a friggin military operation to take down the insane psychopaths who keep trying to kill me and send everyone's lunch money to a thug in the new Middle East of Europe. Fortunately for me I don't eat. Can't afford it. So there's Steinbart who just happens to be an expert at old 18-wheelers on dangerous roads. Flynn is a Q people. That kind of thing. Yep. I like it. Note that JFK Jr still seems to be in limbo, between worlds, but when he's doing the being alive thing, he goes by Kribs. Then it's off to Saturn. Kribs is his mafia persona. His mafia is kinda like the mafia but it's a weird mafia involving elements of Beetlejuice and a side of salad.
Greek, Viking, and the Classic Age mythology is something I'm really interested in. I could write up pages for miles on this stuff. Same with Lord of the Rings. I eat, sleep and breathe Tolkien. And Homer. In the land of Hyrule.
I once saw a voodoo witch doctor stirring the pot and the next thing anyone knew, the island's volcano erupted.
I just can't have nice things[edit | edit source]
Note: I may not be able to write those articles, after all. As of today I was basically told that if I did, they would be deleted. Was also informed that the creature features were unfunny and painful to read. Confidence level back to zero. So setting fire to a bale of hay isn't allowed. AND to make matters worse, I'm subjected to having to wear a broken hair accessory. Gawd!
And I disapprove and I complain. I went out of my way to create those gifs, those pics, making them to spruce up the pages like that. To make them extra. To be a laugh riot. And all I get for my creative spiel is how the admins have seen these as suspicious and veiled attacks against their reptilian agenda. I wasn't even there. And I wasn't turning anything into a handbag. It was a coarse vinyl! I am saddened. Bewildered even. Nobody understands. I grew up on Norman Leer and Blake Edwards. In syndication, but still. 😒 Just whatever.
Update: I can't prove it, but I do suspect that they are somehow out to get me. So I will disapprove and complain about this, too.
The French Cab Driver[edit | edit source]
The one from Curse of the Pink Panther. That one. Space Force pilots remind me of that guy. Doesn't speak English, but actually does. Just don't wanna help. So anyway. Forget that. I have all these stories. And they survived. Some I wish I was never involved in. But some things seem alright. Like the story I was involved in when Attila the Hun got drunk and wrecked Mongolia. It wasn't aliens that put that naval ship in the Gobi Desert. That was Attila. Mr. X is a really cool guy. Not at all like that French cab driver or Attila. But I suppose there's a little of those characters in all of us. Especially if we ever find ourselves driving upside down.
Gilligan's Sailor Hat[edit | edit source]
A hat made of white canvas and sturdy thread, his hat has been seaworthy and long-lasting. A typical hat style that has been worn by practically everyone who lives on or around ocean environments. Even some sharks have been known to wear the style of hat, but Gilligan made it a famous fashion statement. High winds and other incidents have cause him to loose his hat every now and then. I know how he feels.
Tom Bombadil's Beard[edit | edit source]
I mean, this guy is the most notorious hippy in Middle Earth. Some other old guys have beards too, but old Tom was just being over-the-top with it. He's married to Dingleberrry, or was that Goldberry? Anyway his beard is totally out of control. Went to his house the other day, basically asking for directions since I'm not too familiar with the Old Forest. After Fangorn, I've been wary of using thick wooded areas as a suitable hermit setting. Fucking Ents. Anyway, so he opens the door and starts welcoming me with some kind of chanting and singing about the lands. To help me better understand where I was. I guess a fucking map was out of the question. But his beard kept moving on its own. Like it had a life of its own. He offered me an ale. I don't know what the fuck was in it, but I swear that his beard turned into a miniature big foot and it started to growl! Then all of a sudden Bilbo, Frodo, and Gandalf came in. Then they all started to play this weird game where they all tried on this ring that Bilbo had. Eventually he would end up giving it to Frodo, but for the time being it was Bilbo's ring. But they were all trying it on and disappearing. Gandalf didn't try it on, he kept tossing it in Tom's fire pit. But Bilbo, Frodo, and Tom were playing hide and re-appear with it. The only one who was obviously not doing it right was Tom. Since he never vanished. But the other two did vanish when they put it on. I'm 99% positive that it was Tom's goddamned beard that hindered his skill at trying on the ring properly. I did see him wearing it, but he obviously had some issues, or was just retarded. I had to leave after that, I just couldn't take it anymore.
Atlantis[edit | edit source]
Gus, things are really weird here.
Stressing[edit | edit source]
I sure hope no one thinks I'm still there among the smugs. I'm not. I know it's come up lately, and I don't know why. I haven't had any run-ins with anyone (except Betty the Indian Fancier) but she was more into Pow-Wows than SCA. So that doesn't count. Walmart. It's the Walmart. Betty was there. We saw her. She glanced at us, and limped out into the parking lot. She seemed to be in a hurry. Don't know. Ain't gonna worry about it, either. So anyway, did I ever mention that I just adore Mr. X? But back to the SCA and the myriad of happenings. It's this little instance that involves a cauldron. I'm stressing over it. Now, sure I make stuff up for here, for good copy, for the laughs. But recently there was an issue with a vanity thing. And see, there are a lot of little tales within the big story about this Smuggish SCA thing. And one of the little situations I was barely involved in, involved a cauldron. So, shh, okay? I will tell you. So there was this old abandoned store, it was more like an old convenience store on a corner out in the middle of what is called "The Bottomlands" or "The Bottoms" which is a lot of (I guess) farming land in the more obscure parts of Van Buren. It's literally as out in the country as you'd imagine. You can hear nothing but nature out there. If you hear a car, you're in rush hour. You get the idea.
So this little store seemed to still have some activity going on in there, when I was last there. A Pepsi machine stood outside on its little deck, and there was an old counter inside that did have things scattered all over it. But no one was ever there, even when it was obviously open. The lights seemed to work. But in the back, against an old crumbling wall, there sat a cauldron. Big fucker, too. It was huge. When a discussion came up at a meeting, someone mentioned obtaining a cauldron for the next event. Some feast and war games, the usual. And another lady said we should really have a cauldron and even quipped that she would steal it if she had to. Then I smiled and remembered this old store. Years had passed since I was even there, so the chances of the cauldron still being there were very slim. But I told them all about it. So a few nights later, I found myself with some of the SCA peeps driving to this damned store. It was abandoned alright. The Pepsi machine was gone, and the inside was gutted. Even the door was rotted and barely stood in the door frame. No lights.
So one of the guys lit his torch up (flashlight, okay?) and we inched into this creepy little place. That fucking cauldron was still there! I couldn't believe it. So I suggested that we should try to steal it. Cobwebs were everywhere. But the cauldron was calling. We managed to get out the door with it, but there were a million bugs that were living in it. So we all ran. The brave men, knights in shining armor hauled that thing onto the back of their truck and we were all off. Following them while cheering and laughing that we got a cauldron. But the thing was obviously cursed. It was cleaned out, but nobody was going to make anything in there. The cast iron was restored, and it seemed okay. But there were too many of us who saw the condition it was in previously. We would watch in awe as someone (who wasn't there) actually go ahead and use it to boil water in, or make stew. And we watched in anticipation as the unwitting actually ate food cooked in that thing. To see if they would keel over. This caused some tensions. I, personally, didn't think it was funny but I laughed anyway. Maybe it was a nervous laugh? But those of us involved in the caper would sit around at events and sometimes talk about what could happen. What didn't happen. What was supposed to have happened. And how the cauldron became a sort of legend.
And that is why I am stressing, because it reminds me of this Gilligan's Island episode, where they got a hold of something and all hell breaks loose. Not to mention there were cauldrons in the show. In one show I think the natives were trying to cook Gilligan in one. I don't want anyone to think that the Cast Iron Cauldron of Catastrophe is a vanity page. Because I can drum up something so much more than this odd bit of history. But I think, that maybe, it will be seen as that especially if I link to any mention of the Smugs. I just have this story about it, that I can work into a parody of some kind.
It Bugs Me[edit | edit source]
There is very little Lord of the Rings stuff in this site. Examples;
Frodo (properly)
Gandalf (properly)
Boromir
Pippin
Samwise Gamgee
Arwen Evenstar
Elrond
Éowyn
Éomer
Théoden
Denethor
Moria
Helm's Deep
Fangorn Forest
Lothlórien
The Shire
Rivendell
Minas Tirith
Shelob
Grima Wormtongue
Gollum previously known as Smeagol
The One Ring
Mouth of Sauron
And so on.
Oh what I could do with this stuff...
Others
Rapunzel
The Demeter
Atlantic Ocean (properly)
Cthulhu[edit | edit source]
So I finished this medley I was working on. This Medley about Cthulhu and I happened to gain a few followers from it. I am on my way for sure. Mock mock mock, taunt taunt taunt. I am mocking and I am taunting. I know it's probably futile, but it makes me feel better. And well, meh. They look good, don't they? It works for me. Now that that's all done and out of the way, I can get back to writing stuff on here. Mock mock, taunt taunt, and more of the same. No one is ready, and everyone dies from the waiting to be ready. But it was never to be ready and they got everyone all worked up to be delivered unto some horrible sea monster. It's wrong, I know. Everything is all wrong. So I mock them. What else can I do? Mock mock, mockity mock. Taunt. Annoy. Aggravate. More mocking. It gets to be easier. No sense of eagerness, or anticipation. It comes down to just the mocking. I shall haunt them as a ghost and mock them from the lands of the dead. Yeah yeah being a cultist sucks. Although I wasn't always a cultist. I had a life once. A purpose. Now I'm being dragged to my death. Hahahaha! HAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHA!
Anyway[edit | edit source]
For a non-article-ish parody of The Phantom of the Opera just to see how I get when I'm totally bored. Also check out the UnProvise thing User:Orian57/UnProvise. I'm not sure where I was going with this The Right Stuff. I can't remember what brought that on. My puzzler hurts. Anyway, I like bubbles.
Note: Some pics are not mine but I've included them here because I felt like it. The Black Sea uploads are mine. I'm particularly proud of those. And it's not like it was hard to do, but my pride mostly comes from the fact that I didn't have to actually go out to the Black Sea and photograph all of that. Safety first! I was also given permission by the aliens to keep the photos and animated gifs that you see here, lest one of the moons in this solar system have its mining rights terminated. We don't want that now, do we?
This user helped create an UnProvisation which was merited on Uncyclopedia. |
This user helped create an UnProvisation which was merited on Uncyclopedia. |
