Leprechaun Castle

The famous Leprechaun Castle in the afternoon. Or evening. Does it even matter? It's still so damned green!

“Out on a field of wavy green grasses and bright flowers in the thick growth about the hills, stands a castle of grand design flanked by emerald cylinder crystalline glass that sparkles in the sun by day and the moon by night. The Irish Moors of abundant soft colors of Irish Spring abound when the cold has finally drifted away. The golden filigree markings upon the castle walls shine with an intensity that can be seen from miles away. The palm trees flowing with their four-leaf clover adornments accentuate the golden pots forged by the craftiest of leprechaun hands, giving the land a proud setting. In this wondrous landscape you will find Leprechaun Castle, if you're lucky.”

~ Ireland's National Tourist Association

Leprechaun Castle (a.k.a. Caisleán na Leipreachán) is located somewhere in between Blarney Castle and Benbulben in Ireland, approximately 12 miles (19.3 km) from Dublin Town. It features masonry of leprechaunish skillsmanship, but is the only castle in the entire world to have been built by leprechauns with the help of the munchkins, a few Hobbits, and Yoda. At the edge of the 15th century (1500 A.D.), the Leprechauns emerged as a prosperous race having the ability to find rainbows, pots of gold filled with gold coins at the end of them, and sometimes plastic pails filled with rainbow skittles. The Vikings up north were busy slaughtering Saxons and Normans, and taking notice of the Roman legions who had mysteriously appeared out of nowhere. None of the Vikings or Leprechauns had ever been to Rome before so they chocked it up as a group of British monks who had finally gotten tired of wearing potato sacks and made suitable attire from the windows of Windsor Castle.

Not that any of this mattered. They would take those potato sacks and use them to catch grim fairies and pumpkin patch ghouls. It would give the moors an incredible backstory to freak out the tourists. All those echoes of mournful groaning and distant screams in the night. Grizzly silhouettes of what appeared to be wolves or chickens, depending on what angle you were looking at them. Finally after all the drama and superstitions that churned out by the wagon-loads, the funny little green men threw a tarp around the entire castle until everyone could pull themselves together and stop turning it into a circus. For a while things seemed okay. Things were nominal. Not too weird. Not too conspicuous. Except that it was very green. Very bright. Bright green. It could be spotted 100 miles away. Or 160.9344 kilometers away. Even when everything else was green, this still stood out. It was so obvious.

Construction

During the beginning stages of the construction of the castle only the leprechauns were involved. But soon they accepted the help of other inhabitants of the land and brought them on to help in the design of the structure. The munchkins were only too eager to help, but as the leprechauns soon realized, the munchkins had very different and drastic ideas on what a castle should look like. The leprechauns couldn't understand how in the flying monkey-fuck the munchkins could make large glass-like emerald tubes, let alone finding a way to hoist them up and have them function as a sort of primeval elevator shaft. But they did. The leprechauns, not to be outdone, used vast amounts of melted-down gold to decorate the walls inside and out. They also used exotic plants and trees to further spruce up the place. It wasn't until a spaceship had to make a crash landing near the castle that they incorporated the help of Yoda, the alien from the crashed spaceship.

When Yoda saw this monstrosity, he suggested that they needed string lights to adorn the edges of the highest parts of the castle. So the leprechauns asked to borrow the spaceship to go out and find the lights. They returned with sets of green lights. Yoda informed them that they should have gotten multi-colored lights, but the munchkins and the leprechauns were all about green and they explained to Yoda that was the way it was done in Ireland, laddie. Of course the green-colored Jedi couldn't argue with them and didn't try to use the The Force to blast them to smithereens. There was also catering during this time as provided by hobbits. They also helped in the construction of the castle's pantries which never seemed to stay well stocked until the hobbits returned to the Shire. Their Shire.

Folklore

When the castle was finally finished and they all celebrated, the neighboring people of the lands came and asked them to tell them all the folklore and tales of how they were able to make such a magnificent and magical castle. The Munchkins regaled the people with stories of a land called Oz and how they came to Ireland after a wicked witch and a stupid wizard were finally dethroned allowing them to travel, have fun, and build the grandest of castles they saw before them. Yoda spoke of escaping the wrath of a Sith Lord who attempted to destroy his spaceship by using laser blasts to bring it down, but he survived and landed in one piece on the Merry Isle O'Green.

Then the leprechauns had their turn telling their story. They began, in a deadpan stare of how they freaked out the locals in Dublin. Pulling out newspaper clippings with headlines reading Leprechauns Land in Spaceship, Buying Green Lights for Mythical Castle, and Alien Leprechauns Mysteriously Need Green Lights, and Spaceship Landing as Leprechauns Emerge to Demand Lights of Green, and they showed the people the blurry photographs in the articles that featured them being blinded by camera flashes. Everyone seemed to be quite satisfied with the outcome in general, but the leprechauns would have to go out to Arizona to obtain aloe-vera for their sore eyes.

Legacy

Today the castle still stands and has barely changed over the centuries. It was used as a home for many families in the past. It was also rumored to be a five star restaurant and a theme park. It offered protection in both world wars and a suitable environment for the musical artist Enya. Although there has been doubt of leprechauns still in existence, they can be seen occasionally at the castle during the summer months when Arizona's temperatures exceed the melting point of lead. Which is something the leprechauns have yet to adjust to, being closely related to gnomes of the garden variety.

Mad Paddy Land