Tír na nÓg

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A collection of souvenirs from the famous resort

Tír na n-Óg (pronounced 'teer-nan-oh-g') is a land from both Irish and Taiwanese lore where everything and everyone is a baby. This includes trees, houses, cars and football fields - all made of babies. Even the adults in this land are made up of about 10 to 15 babies. Every single baby can speak, usually in Arabic, so as not to anger possible terrorists.

Tourism[edit | edit source]

The English translation means, "Babies, Babies Everywhere and Not a Bite to Eat", although this is somewhat ironic since the food in this land is also made of babies. One can purchase Baby Macs at the local McDonald's (which is also made of and run by babies) or enjoy a baby squishy in downtown Tír na n-Óg.

Tourists can visit the famous Garden of Eden where the world began, and shake hands with the very baby that damned our world to eternal bastardisation and disease, Gary Coleman.

If you're into sports, whether it's kicking a few babies around the soccer field or slam-dunking a baby at the basketball court, there's bound to be something for you at Tír na n-Óg. Or if your intrested in real, physical sport, you could partake in Hurling, national sport of Ireland and most played sport in Tír na n-Og. It involves hitting a tennis ball with 2 - 3 feet of ash wood while killing as many fellow players as possible.

Don't forget to visit the many museums and discover the island's history. The stories of many mythical sea monsters originated in Tír na n-Óg, such as that of the Kraken and the Nancy Grace.

Fact or Myth?[edit | edit source]

Here we set the record straight about the facts and the fiction of this magical world.

  • Tír na n-Óg is an actual place. FACT. Contrary to popular belief, this land truly exists, but can only be found if travelling on a pirate's ship willingly navigated by a ninja.
  • Oprah was born in Tír na n-Óg. MYTH. Though this juggernaut of a woman seems to be made of 10 to 15 babies, she was in fact born everywhere and in every era except in Tír na n-Óg. It is the only land in existence untainted by her wickedness.
  • God lives in Tír na n-Óg. FACT. However, he is so rarely seen that you are more likely to catch him disguised as an Arab woman, walking the streets of New York with his three masked children Prince Jesus, Paris Jesus and Prince Jesus II.
  • Not everything in Tír na n-Óg is made of babies. MYTH. Even external visitors to Tír na n-Óg immediately transform into babies once they set foot on its sacred soil. People have been known to poo babies in Tír na n-Óg.
  • Sexual reproduction in Tír na n-Óg involves babies. FACT. In order to conceive, the male must insert his baby into the female's baby and unleash the feared seminal babies.

See also[edit | edit source]