Fisheads
Fisheads is a derogatory term associated with those living inside the township of Castlebar, Co. Mayo, Ireland. It is most often used by the citizens of a nearby town Westport.
Origins[edit | edit source]
The term originates from an incident that occurred during the Irish Potato Famine. At the time the people of Ireland were almost entirely dependent on potatoes as their main food source. The average diet consisted of potatoes, supplemented with buttermilk, heavily salted bacon and oversize toblerones. During the 1840's a parasitic plant fungus known as "? " attacked and virtually destroyed all potato crops in Ireland. This lead to famine, mass exodus and the deaths of in excess of 1 million Irish citizens and 1 puppy named George. There are numerous monuments constructed wherever sizable Irish communities are found to commemorate Georges death.
Grim times require equally grim decisions, which is why in 1846 at the height of the famine an English necromancer by the name of P.J. Loveboat took drastic measures to save the people of his adopted town. Using mystic knowledge he had gained studying at ? he summoned Dagon, a water demon or God. Dagon converted the entire population of Castlebar into human fish hybrids allowing them to dwell in nearby lakes and rivers feeding on plankton and small fish. P.J. Loveboats journal described the resulting creatures as...
"men -- at least, a certain sort of men; [T]hey were damnably human in general outline despite webbed hands and feet, shockingly wide and flabby lips, glassy, bulging eyes, and other features less pleasant to recall."
The town was, for the most part, left abandoned. It was repopulated in 1983 with P.J. Loveboats death, his life having been extended through the use of mystical arts and a cocktail of goats blood, cream cheese and oil of olay. The population were converted back to their original human forms.
Modern Usage[edit | edit source]
Though the population of Castlebar has been returned to their human forms and most of these events removed from their memories, the neighboring towns still retain some subconscious knowledge of the terrifying creatures that dwelled in nearby bodies of water. Harboring a bitter resentment that has no conscious logical grounds the two communities maintain difficult relations.
The actual term itself is mostly used by gangs of Westport adolescents when confronted by opposing gangs from Castlebar. The use of the term often leads to confusion among the Castlebar residents who have no clue as to its origins. On visits to the town the preeminent anthropologist Phillonious Tweep comments
"...the population though subject to a proven mystical transformation seem to have no actual memory of the events. When my party began to pelt them with bricks and fired our rifles into crowds screaming "Die filthy fisheads", they reacted with confusion. They couldn't seem to grasp the possible motivation for our actions. It was quite amusing."
Phillonious Tweep died soon after from galloping consumption.
The Hybrid Anthropoid Anti-Defamation League[edit | edit source]
The Hybrid Anthropoid Anti-Defamation League was founded in 1997 by James Remous to ban the usage of the term in public. Remous was a direct descendant of P.J. Loveboat and through the bloodlink retained memories of the original hybrid creatures. His organization never became popular thanks in part to the widely held belief he was insane but mainly due to the fact he had been convicted on numerous previous occasions for having sexual relations with aquatic animals. When asked about his deviant behavior he claimed to be attempting to recreate his ancestors human-fish conversion through more traditional means.