Irish frontversal

“In Soviet Russia Alchohol drink YOU!!, In Republican Ireland Alchohol still drink YOU!!”

~ Alchoholic on contradicting Irish Frontversal

The Irish Frontversal (The bastard cousin of the Russian Reversal) is a correcting tool used by the Irish when having drunken arguments with each other, when one of said arguers who's still sober enough to recognize a mistake deploys this weapon to win an argument, resulting in resumed drinking. Archaeologists believe that the Irish frontversal originated around November 1911. Like its Russian cousin this technique was used to debate with self righteous English who can't stomach a beer increasing the value of Irish arguments in their fight for independence.

Essence of Irish Frontversal

Whereas the early Irish Frontversal was used to debate with the English, this later evolved into just taking a Russian reversal and making it into a realistic correction; hence the name frontversal. To begin to understand an Irish Frontversal one must understand its the opposite of a Russian Reversal. The typical Russian Reversal is taking something that a person generally does to something else then making it so that the object does it to you ("you" must be capitalized with two exclamation points at the end). An example being

• In Soviet Russia newspaper reads YOU!!

Now an Irish Frontversal would take the previous phrase and by adding on to it taking the You and the verb back into their proper places and replacing the article, creating a less funny but correct statement, the resulting statement looking along the lines of this

• In Soviet Russia Newspaper reads YOU!! In Republic Ireland you read the newspaper.

Examples of Irish Frontversal

• In Soviet Russia, France conquers YOU!!, In Republic Ireland you conquer France.
• In Soviet Russia, T.V. Watches YOU!!, In Republic Ireland you watch T.V.
• In Soviet Russia, Water drinks YOU!!, In Republic Ireland you drink water.
• In Soviet Russia, Toilet pees on YOU!!, In Republic Ireland you pee on the toilet.
• In Soviet Russia, Scissors cut YOU!!, In Republic Ireland you cut with scissors.
• In Soviet Russia, Floor mops YOU!!, In Republic Ireland you mop the floor.
• In Soviet Russia, Car drives YOU!!, In Republic Ireland you drive the car.
• In Soviet Russia, House lives in YOU!!, In Republic Ireland you live in the house.
• In Soviet Russia, Grill cooks YOU!!, In Republic Ireland you cook with grill.
• In Soviet Russia, bells jingle YOU!!, In Republic Ireland you jingle bells.
• In Soviet Russia,Noodle eats YOU!!, In Republic Ireland we don't know what noodle is."

Common modern use of Irish frontversal

Although the usage of the fronversal has changed much in its origins of debating with the English it is still used in some cases today. Whilst the use of the phrase has changed into debating with the soviets it can still be used to win an argument with someone who overly uses a Russian Reversal. This corrects the Reversal and as a result makes the user seem like a fool by harming their dignity. For this reason the Irish Frontversal is also sometimes known as the Verbal Bitch slap. An example of common usage would be as follows:

Frontversaler: Im going to go listen to the radio.

Reversaler: In Soviet Russia, radio listens to YOU!!

Frontversaler: This isn't fucking Soviet Russia. In Republic Ireland, I listen to the radio.

Notice the prelude to the actual frontversal. In some cases, this is necessary to establish the point or else you'd just br re-reversing the original phrase accomplishing nothing.

Historical cases of Irish frontversal

While archaeologists know that the fronversal was created around 1911 the first actual recorded use of a frontversal was in 1949 after then only a handful of actual recorded cases are in existence due to the lack of funniness compared to its Soviet cousin.

• April 1949: An Irishman and a Russian move to sit on the same chair on an immigration boat to America. The frontversal went as follows "In Soviet Russia, chair sits on YOU!! In Republic Ireland you sit on chair."

• July 1956: During a soccer game between Ireland and Russia two men argued with the following "In soviet Russia ball kicks YOU!!, In Republic Ireland you kick ball." This resulted in a misinterpretation following the Irishman receiving a swift kick in the balls.

• October 1967: During an international Cafeteria worker convention a Russian attendant remarked "In Soviet Russia, Lunch makes YOU!!" To which an Irish attendant replied "In Republic Ireland, you make lunch."

The last, and most well-recorded usage of an Irish frontversal occurred March 12, 2002:

• March 2002: During a UN meeting the Russian and Irish delegates were arguing over a late shipment of exported potatoes. The Russian delegate remarked "In Soviet Russia, Potato eats YOU!!" to which the Irish delegate quickly responded by declaring war on Russia.

About the author

At least prior to any future censorship to try to hide this truth, the version of this article at the time of this revelation makes it abundantly clear that this article was written by a CIA or MI6 agent pretending to be a Russian agent who no speaka too gooda the English. and who doesn't know that in the Republic of Ireland nobody except Russian agents ever says 'In Republic Ireland'.