Nazium
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“Strength lies not in defence but in nazium.”
“We must not forget that when nazium was discovered no one knew that it would prove useful in death camps. The work was one of pure science. And this is a proof that scientific work must not be considered from the Nazi point of view of the direct usefulness of it. It must be done for itself, for the ugliness of science, and then there is always the chance that a scientific discovery may become like the nazium a benefit for humanity.”
Nazium is element number 32 on the Idiotic Table of the Elements, with the symbol SS. Although it is a solid at room temperature, it could blow up and become a liquid. It is so corrosive that if you pour it on someone, a reaction starts, and the resultant reaction can cause rigor mortis in the arms.
Discovery[edit | edit source]
Nazium was discovered by Hitler as he led his troops into Poland on September 1, 1939. There, with the help of Marie Curie, he found that the element was radioactive, and its rays can penetrate the skin of Jews. He immediately tried it on a Nazi Communist Jew, who immediately died. By the way, Curie died when she was "accidentally" arrested by the Nazi during their invasion of France. A strain of bacteria called Nazium poisonum living on Nazium infested her body, and she got cancer.
Use[edit | edit source]
It can be used to poison people in gas chambers. It's also found in a tub of I Can't Believe It's Not Hitler. There are rumors that if you eat it, you'll get so skinny that people think you came from a concentration camp. It has also been employed by the military.
Military use[edit | edit source]
The substance had been used by Osama bin Laden to bomb Iraq. Unfortunately, Hitler was making a speech in Iraq at that time, so the bomb blew up Hitler and his 1,000,000,000 listeners. At one time, Al Qaeda allegedly built an airplane out of Nazium, which they allegedly crashed into a crater on Mars, allegedly killing 2,000,000 aliens.
On February 11, 2006, Dick Cheney allegedly shot a lawyer allegedly called Harry Whittington with an alleged bullet made of an alloy of 10% Nazium, 40% Cheesium, and 50% Beeron. It is alleged that they were drinking large quantities of beer, but they allege that it was root beer. Some conspiracy theories allege that Dick Cheney is a descendent of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Hitler and wanted to destroy all "inferior" people such as old lawyers.
See also[edit | edit source]
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Make sure you memorize these for the test!
| 1H Hydrogen | 2He Helium | ||||||||||||||||
| 3Li Lithium | 4Be Beryllium | 5B Boron | 6C Carbon | 7N Nitrogen | 8O Oxygen | 9F Fluorine | 10Ne Neon | ||||||||||
| 11Na Sodium | 12 Mg Magnesium | 13Al Aluminum | 14 Si Silicon | 15 P Phosphorus | 16 S Sulfur | 17Cl Chlorine | 18Ar Argent | ||||||||||
| 19 K Potassium | 20 Ca Calcium | 21Sc Scandinavium | 22Ti Titanium | 23 V Vanadium | 24Cr Chromium | 25 Mn Manganese | 26Fe Iron | 27 Co Cobalt | 28Ni Nickel | 29 Cu Copper | 30 Zn Zinc | 31 Ga Gallium | 32 Ge Germanium | 33 As Arsenic | 34 Se Selenium | 35 Br Bromine | 36Kr Krypton |
| 37 Rb Rubidium | 38 Sr Strontium | 39 Y Yttrium | 40 Zr Zirconium | 41 Nb Niobium | 42 Mo Molybdenum | 43 Tc Technetium | 44 Ru Ruthenium | 45 Rh Rhodium | 46 Pd Palladium | 47Ag Silver | 48 Cd Cadmium | 49In Indium | 50Sn Tin | 51 Sb Antimony | 99Te Tedium | 53 I Iodine | 54Xe Xenon |
| 55 Cs Caesium | 56 Ba Barium | 57-71 La-Lu Lanthanides | 72 Hf Hafnium | 73 Ta Tantalum | 74 W Tungsten | 75 Re Rhenium | 76 Os Osmium | 77 Ir Iridium | 78Pt Platinum | 79Au Gold | 80Hg Mercury | 81 Tl Thallium | 82Pb Lead | 83Bi Bismuth | 84Po Polonium | 85 At Astatine | 86Rn Radon |
| 87 Fr Francium | 88 Ra Radium | 89-103 Ac-Lr Actinides | 104 Rf Rutherfordium | 105 Db Dubnium | 106 Sg Seaborgium | 107 Bh Bohrium | 108 Hs Hassium | 109 Mt Meitnerium | 110 Ds Darmstadtium | 111 Uuu Unununium | 112 Cn Copernicium | 113 Nh Nihonium | 114 Fl Flerovium | 115 Mc Moscovium | 116 Lv Livermorium | 117 Ts Tennessine | 118 Og Oganesson |
| 119Un Uncyclopedium | 120 Ub Unobtanium | 121 Aeo Awesomnium | 122Fa Fartium | 123St Stalinium | 124Ob Obamium | 125Sl Stalloneium | 126 Ad Adamantium | 127 Vb Vibranium | -1SuStupidium | 1/5Bm Brucium | 1/2*Ch Cheesium | 3/4Pl Plotonium | 4.5Op Opium | ∞Hu Homoerectium | |||
| 57 La Lanthanum | 58 Ce Cerium | 59Pr Praseodymium | 60 Nd Neodymium | 61 Pm Pentium | 62 Sm Samarium | 63 Eu Europium | 64 Gd Gadolinium | 65 Tb Terbium | 66 Dy Dysprosium | 67 Ho Holmium | 68 Er Erbium | 69 Tm Thulium | 70 Yb Ytterbium | 71 Lu Lutetium | |||
| 89 Ac Actinium | 90 Th Thorium | 91 Pa Protactinium | 92U Uranium | 93 Np Neptunium | 94Pu Plutonium | 95 Am Americium | 96 Cm Curium | 97 Bk Berkelium | 98 Cf Californium | 99 Es Einsteinium | 100 Fm Fermium | 101 Md Mendelevium | 102 No Nobelium | 103 Lr Lawrencium |
*Technically an atom of Cheesium has an atomic number of four (4), but that's only for the idiotic table.