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- 13 CE - Jesus becomes the first athiest after killing God and being told that Santa isn't real.
- 1914 - The last passenger pigeon dies in captivity in the Cincinnati Zoo. The taxi pigeon and the bus pigeon promptly file for bankruptcy.
- 1939 - Adolf Hitler plays a dirty trick on Poland.
- 1982 - Lovers of chocolate enjoy life. Chocolate related disease increases.
- 1986 - Santa has a gift for you in his pocket...
- 1989 - Wendy's begins to serve fairies to the masses. They are quickly determined "too salty" and discontinued.
- 1990 - The single lightbulb inside of the Grease Hut begins to flicker periodically. This the extent of the restaurant's Christmas decorations.
- 1992 - The first NFL game of a new era: The England Patriots at the The Dubai Colts (Attendance: 111,223). Emperor George Bush Sr. is angered that all the American sports teams (not basketball) left America for Bill Clinton's Eurasia.
- 1994 - The United Nations pass a resolution to prevent the Christmas shopping season from starting prior to the 1st of September. Retailers declare war on UN.
- 1995 - You killed a monkey at the zoo with poisoned bananas then you laughed uncontrollably. How dare you.
- 1995 - A midget was stolen from the North Pole and raised as an Australian.
- 1996 - Gobber the mathemagician convinces millions that 2+2 does actually equal five.
- 2003 - Bill Gates buys the Andromeda galaxy for his wife and Alpha Centauri for his son.
- 2004 - It is proven that penguins are the smartest creatures in the universe, but the paperwork proving this was used to mop up some spilt coffee and they couldn't be bothered to print it out again.
- 2007 - Halls are decked early this year to the dismay of masons everywhere.