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- 10,000 B.C. - Armed with sticks, rocks, and clods of dirt, first primitive Germanic people invade France. 15 minutes later, the white flag is invented.
- 355 - Claudius Silvanus, Roman usurper, dies. No more usurping from that guy.
- 1911 - The first bean bag chair goes on display in Paris. Rioting ensues.
- 1914 - Germany invades Austria, Belgium, France, Serbia, Armenia, Norway, Zaire and South Dakota.
- 1940 - The Blitz: the German Luftwaffe begins to rain bombs down on London. The Blitz is followed by the Blintz, in which the Luftwaffe rains pastries down on London, including the deadly Luftwaffle.
- 1945 - Winston Churchill goes snowboarding in Palestine, taking his first holiday after victory in Europe.
- 1960 - Strange spikes in household electricity use are observed throughout California.
- 1980 - Mr. Spears invades Mrs. Spears' pants; finds more than he expected.
- 1992 - Princess Anne is released back into the wild in Africa from captivity.
- 1996 - Tupac is assassinated by that punkass, Biggie Fats. Country music fans rejoice.
- 2001 - Luxembourg floated on the New York Stock Exchange. Germany attempts a hostile takeover.
- 2003 - Parents send their children to invade Michael Jackson's bed, later Sue. And Jane also.
- 2015 - US invades its own borders claiming the existence of weapons of mass destruction.