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September 11: International Worst Inventions Ever Day
- 13800000000 BC Universe invented. Previous universe wiped out due to Large Hadron Collider collision.
- 3000 BC - Egyptians invent papyrus. Moments later, the paper cut is invented. Still some moments later, some pretty expressive swear words are invented.
- 33 - Judas invents the noose.
- 100 - Romans invent the wedgie to torment Christians.
- 911 - Nostradamus, having predicted 9/11, invents the telephone number 911.
- 1176 - Iron false teeth invented.
- 1628 - Glass false teeth invented.
- 1753 - An Oxford University student invents the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard.
- 1883 - Worst Invention of the Year is a toss-up between Islamic Fundamentalism (Middle East) and Christian Fundamentalism (United States).
- 1913 - External combustion engine invented.
- 1934 - Aviation pioneer Igor Sikorsky invents the helicopter ejection seat.
- 1939 - Inspired by an awful experience at summer camp, Hitler invents his own franchise of camps.
- 1945 - Morning After Pill not yet invented; George H.W. Bush and Barbara Bush invent George W.
- 1961 - Invention of the mullet (pictured).
- 1968 - The internet is developed.
- 1972 - Construction of the Trans-Amazonian Highway.
- 1973 - The cubicle is invented.
- 1981 - Road rage invented.
- 1986 - Fox Network invented. Cancellation invented by Fox.
- 1987 - CD packaging invented.
- 1992 - Al Qaeda invented.
- 1999 - Windows ME is invented.
- 2000 - First Segway goes on display in Paris. Rioting ensues.
- 2000 - Emperor Bush invents "The Decider"
- 2001 - Plane magnet is accidently turned on in Pentagon.
- 2001 - Osama Bin Laden invents the world's first airplane/building hybrid
- 2002 - Emo movement invented.
- 2002 - White House invents WMD.
- 2006 - Anti-Government Father spends day without turning on TV or Radio, insisting that he doesn't want to hear about what happened five years ago, but in truth, hasn't paid the electricity bill.
- 2008 Ralph Lauren destroys arch enemy Lacoste by hitting their crocodiles with polo bats