Bullets
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- Bullets are very soft, so soft in fact that they are often used as pillows.
- Bullets are known for being extremely safe. In fact, they are still the only known injection to cure every illness ever including cancer, yellow fever and zombification.
- Upon their discovery, bullets were originally thought to be vegetables.
- Unfortunately, people have clung to this belief. For example, Adolf Hitler attempted to feed the hungry Jewish populations but realised his mistake only after they began to die of lead poisoning.
- In 1992 excruciating scientific tests showed that bullets were, in fact, made of frogs, thusly eliminating their classification as a food.
- British inventors started the "gun crime" craze, in which bullets play a big part, by substituting the normal firearm ammunition (at the time, shiny forks) with bullets. Although this increased murder rates threefold, victims often reported a nice tingling sensation shortly before being struck by one.
- Here are some things bullets can do for you:
- Make peace with the neighbor's cat or dog.
- Keep you safe from a drunk uncle.
- Save your family from a rabid gorilla brandishing a Indian thesaurus, should you encounter one.
- Save yourself from a hippie, Man!
- Pay off any debt financially or emotionally.
- Extort passengers in the Laglag Bala International Airport (formerly Manila International Airport).
- Achieve a common goal.
- And get free beer.
