Pneumatic Goat Launcher
“We tried the Grand Canyon but he didn't quite make the gap.”
The Pneumatic Goat Launcher (or PGL, closely related to the PGA, and licensed under the GPL) was invented in 1950 by two very bored people with an axe to grind. Stemming from a discussion about the origin of the phrase "to blow goats," it was quickly discovered to be a source of unparalleled humor.
Key Features[edit | edit source]
The immediate success of the Pneumatic Goat Launcher is widely accredited to the ability of the operator to mention "PGL" in an otherwise acronym-poor sentence. Other critics insist it's the goat factor that's to be blamed for its popularity, as well as the distinctive "THWOOOOMP. ... ... ... BAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" sound. Regardless of the cause, the PGL has become known as an overnight cultural sensation, and is increasingly becoming the center of every party.
Military Research and Development[edit | edit source]
Because the PGL was primarily developed for use as a weapon, it is currently being researched for a variety of military uses. The Pneumatic Barricade Destroyer (a la goats, of course) is the most common currently out on the battlefield. It's the exact same thing as a typical household PGL, simply targeted at any and all barricades. Developments presently under scrutiny are the PGL Hovercraft and hand PGLs for fast infantry. Although scientists over in Area 51 were unavailable for comment, an unnamed general was overheard shouting "Goat them from orbit; it's the only way to be sure!"
Global Warming Applications[edit | edit source]
It is suspected that Pneumatic Goat Launchers in association with Al Gore have a great potential to solve the global warming problem. The argument is for introducing a system of enormous Pneumatic Goat Launchers to send goats into the upper atmosphere, where they will freeze (see Pneumatic Frozen Goat Launcher) and return to Earth with their goaty coolness, thus cooling the atmosphere. Additionally, sufficiently powerful PGLs may be able to launch goats into orbit in sufficient quantities to obscure the sunlight and shield us from the sun's deadly rays. This has also been speculated to make a wonderful substitute for the Ozone Layer. The earth's orbit is a delicate balance of gravity and mass. The Pneumatic Goat Launcher can completely throw off this balance with the speed the goat is launched into the air (twice the speed of light). Do not worry, there have been some cases where the space time continuum has been damaged from the Pneumatic Goat Launcher.