M16 rifle

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Official U.S. Army M16A2 line drawing. Now in glorious TechniColour.

"You can tell it's Mattel, pal!"

~ Disgruntled soldier on M16

“The M16 rifle is the greatest battle implement ever devised.”

~ General George S. Patton on the M16

“This is my rifle. This is my gun. This is for fighting. This is for fun.”

~ Gunnary Sergent Hartman on the M16

“A poodle shooter.”

~ Col Jeff Cooper on the M16

The M16 rifle is an magazine fed, air cooled, direct gas impengment powered plastic toy gun designed by Eugene Stoner, Howard Johnson and the Mattel Toy Corporation in the late 1950. It was famously used by the Tuskegee Airmen to shoot down South_Australian jet fighters that were bombing Pearl Harbor. The M16 was John Wayne's weapon of choice during his time fighting the South Vietnamese King Kong when he was a Green Beret during the Vietnam War. The M16 is one of the most recognizable guns in the world after the Kalashnikov. The modern civilian version of the M16 series is known as the AR-15. The AR-15 is a popular favorite amoungst angry incel virgin school shooters. The M16 is America's most favorite weapon of all times. Use of the M16 rifle gives you +75 style points.

Known for its exceptionally low recoil and great range, the gun excels with people with weak womanly arms who can't aim.

History[edit | edit source]

Development[edit | edit source]

The M16 was originally called the AR15. It was the 15th gun model created by Treyarch gun designers Eugene Stoner and Howard Johnson. Infinity Ward was originally contracted to develop the rifle, but their investor Activision kiled over 2/3 of their staff with an IED planted inside of one of the janitors that worked in the building after a disagreement between the companies. The division of Treyarch that Stoner and Johnson worked in was called ArmaLite. ArmaLite was tasked with developing small arms using the technology that parent company Treyarch had access to.

The "AR" designation stands for "Awesome Rifle," which is a much cooler name than Avtomat Kalashnikova. It was based on Buck Rogers' space rifle. Treyarch's 10th gun model, the AR10, was the direct predecessor to the AR15. The main difference is that the AR10 was chambered in .308 WIN and the AR15 was chambered in .223 Remington Fireball. The .308 WIN cartridge is much bigger than the .223 Rem Fireball, thus the AR15 is a smaller rifle.

Early ArmaLite AR10 .308 WIN rifle.

The original design parameters for the AR15 were for a rifle with a 20" barrel, a 40" overall length, a weight of no more than 2 pounds loaded, a spring loaded stock for recoil absorption, an accurate range of 1000 cubits, and a magazine of 20 rounds. The barrel rifling was originally 1-14 twist, as this was the same rate of twist found on the .219 Donaldson Wasp.

Early ArmaLite AR15 Prototype Rifle.

Military Adoption[edit | edit source]

U.S. Army issue Chainsaw Bayonet mounted on AR carbine.

The AR15 was an orphan until the U.S. Army adopted it in 1957. The Army renamed the AR15 the M16 because it was two points cooler than the M14, which was the old wooden rifle they used before. The Army originally did not want the M16, due to the fact that it was chambered for such a small calibre and that it was far too modern for the U.S. Army to use.

Once the Air Force adopted the AR15, the Army was embarrassed that the AF had a cooler rifle then they did. So the Army adopted the AR15 as well. ArmaLite was just a R&D firm, and Treyarch did not have the kind of manufacturing capabilities needed to produce thousands of rifles for the military. So Treyarch sold the rights of the AR15 to Colt Firearms, who produced it for the military.

The construction of the M16 was primarily Aluminum, Steel, and Plastic. Many made fun of the M16 as being a "Toy Gun." This was not helped by the fact that the Mattel toy company manufactured the plastics for the M16, and eventually made aluminum forgings as well, which were marked "Mattel." Many other manufacturers manufactured a later model of the M16, called the M16A1.

The controversy surrounding the use of plastics in a firearm led to the great AK47 vs M16 debates. The M16 eventually won, and a treaty was signed. This is why the AK47 is not allowed to have very many accessories, but the M16 can have so many accessories, such as laser sights, ACOG sights, grenade launchers, chainsaw bayonets, and heart beat sensors. Perks that greatly enhance the effectiveness of the M16 series are Stopping Power, Warlord, Marathon, and Sleight of Hand. Despite what COD: Black Ops tells you, the most popular M16 attachments are Grenade Launcher, Extended Mag, and Variable Zoom Scope.

Colombian Black Ops carrying M16 rifle with Grenade launcher, extended magazine, and variable zoom scope.

Early Issues[edit | edit source]

The early models of M16s were plagued by operation issues such as 404 errors and the dreaded "blue screen" due to using an unregistered version of Windows 98. The 6 volt system was powered by a bulky lead-acid battery, which proved too weak to fire the 55 grain M193 cartridge in freezing temperatures. The pewter and styrofoam construction was criticized as "Too fragile for hard combat use" by President Woody Allen. Another criticism was that all the markings on the M16 were in Gaelic, which very few American solders could read. This led to the adoption of the improved M16 A1 rifle.

An American girl shooting M16A1 with M203 Grenade Launcher.

The A1[edit | edit source]

Major upgrades for the M16A1 were chrome plating of the barrel, an upgrade to a 12 volt Nickle-cadmium battery, and a forward assist lever. The chrome plating made the bullet faster due to decreased friction. The rifling twist of the bore was increased to 1-12" twist to stabalize laser-guided tracer rounds. This allowed the M16 to achieve an IPSC Mountain Major power factor of 900, making it more powerful than the famed .45 pistol. The Ni-Cad battery allowed for more power and a tripled battery life. The battery was also lead-free, which helped the Army's image as "a kinder, gentler machine gun hand," following New Age Psychology. The forward assist allowed the user to force dirty or out of spec ammo into a dirty or corroded chamber. This led to great profits. Dirty ammo is much deadlier to Viet Kong. Minor upgrades included a change of all rollmarks into English in Times New Roman font.

GMC Hydramatic M16A1.

Eventually, the numbers of rifles demanded by the military for the escalating Vietnam War exceeded even Colt's manufacturing abilities. Colt then subcontracted the production to several other companies, including Harrington & Richardson, GM Hydramatic Corp, Coca Cola, and Mattel.

Mattel M16A1.

Product Improvement Program[edit | edit source]

Top to bottom: M16A1, M16A2, M4A1 Carbine, M16A4.

The M16A1E1[edit | edit source]

In 1991, the Internet was invented and many users demanded updates for the aging M16A1 rifle. The man responsible for the majority of these product improvements and redesigns was U.S. Army General John T. Mediocrates. With the fall of the Soviet Union many in the Army wanted a cooler rifle. The first major changes were a heavier barrel with a faster rifling twist and more complicated sights. Windows 2000 was adopted as the weapon's primary operating system, though it proved to no more reliable than Windows 98. These changes led to the M16A2.

The A2[edit | edit source]

The M16A1E1 was adopted as the M16A2 with a few additional "improvements." The M16A2 was enhanced by the Windows XP Tactical Professional operating system, which has proved to be a massive improvement. The barrel rifling twist was increased again to 1-7" twist to stabilize the Swiss SS109 62 grain Green Tip bullet. This finally overstabilized the projectile so that it no longer buzzsaw tumbles through the air, but instead flies like a tiny guided missile. A step backwards with the M16A2 was the burst fire restriction. The M16A1 had a selector switch for either semi or fully automatic rates of fire, but the M16A2 had semi automatic and three round burst. The three round burst mechanism is complicated by the need for three hammers, which is triple the amount found in the M16A1.

M16A2 three round burst mechanism.

The A3[edit | edit source]

The M16A3 is rumored to have used Windows Vista, and was subsequently erased from existence by the Space Pope in 3001.

The A4[edit | edit source]

The current M16A4 uses Linux, though some experimental versions use Windows 7 on a trial basis, and it has had some issues in the field. The M16A4 has a detachable carrying handle, which can be replaced with an ACOCK sight, variable zoom scope, IR Scope, Night Vision scope, HoloGraphic Sight, Reflex Sight, or red dot sight. The railed aluminum foregrip allows mounting of all kinds of lasers, flashlights, and other accessories. The A4 uses 4 3volt Lithium-Ion batteries for power. The Lithium batteries allow a ten year shelf life and a constant use of up to 3 months, an improvement of 300% over the Ni-Cad battery of the M16A1. The Lithium battery also grants special abilities to the shooter and to the bullet. Wounds from the M16A4 rifle often immediately turn Septic.

Ammunition[edit | edit source]

Early Ammunition[edit | edit source]

The original cartridge for the M16 was the .222 Remington Fireball. This round had a distinct advantage over the .222 Winchester because of the cooler name. This round was modified to become the .223 Remington. It used the deadly lead core bullet originally designed for the .219 Donaldson Wasp cartridge, and later adapted for the .257 Roberts Nitro Express. The .223 Remington became the National Automatic Teller Organization (NATO) 5.56x45mm cartridge. When loaded with a 55 grain Black Metal Overcoat spitzer bullet, it was classified by the U.S. as the M193. Problems were encountered in the field by soldiers due to the rivalry between Winchester and Remington ammunition companies. As a prank, Winchester switched the Remington KleenBore! gun powder with commercial flammable cheese. This lead to the death of many soldiers and caused great controversy during the 1960s, and directly caused the Hippie Movement.

Target from a M16 showing "keyhole" bullet holes due to tumbling of bullet.

Early Ammunition Effectiveness[edit | edit source]

The M16 was originally designed to tumble the bullet through the air. This made the bullet much more effective than could normally be attained by a .22 caliber bullet. When the M16A1's chrome lined bore was introduced, this enhanced the speed of the bullet so greatly that it literately became a buzzsaw of death. The chrome also made the bullet more accurate at ranges up to 1700 Arshins. The tumbling effect of the bullet can be seen dramatically on paper targets due to the "keyhole" shaped hole the bullet leaves cut in the paper.

Later Ammunition[edit | edit source]

The Army later wanted a bullet that had more stopping power and greater depth of penetration in Commie helmets. A special Light Armor Piercing bullet was developed for the Army by the Swiss which was called the SS109. This bullet was adopted in the M855 Cartridge. The M855 is recognized by the special green tip, which enables the M16A2 to fire completely through a school building, achieving a 87% headshot rate, on average. Preliminary independent studies suggest that the round is much more accurate against children and hippies. The Army cautions soldier not to remove the green tip from the bullet, however. The green tip has been known to attack children up to 75 metres away, as if powered by Evil Magnets. The M855 round has an effective range of 87 quarter-kilometers when fired from the M16A2. The M855 cannot be fired in the M16A1 rifle due to the lack of compatability between sulfides and Teflon. The M16A1 will explode if an M855 round is fired from the rifle. DO NOT FIRE M855 FROM AN M16A1!

M16 rifle that exploded from firing M855.

Variants[edit | edit source]

There are many variants of the M16

  • M16
  • XM16E1
  • M16A1
  • M16A1E1
  • M16A2
  • M16A3
  • M16A4
  • M16A5
  • M16 Hello Kitty edition
  • M16 grenade launcher
  • M16 Half Track with Quad .50s
  • AR-15 Kyle Rittenhouse NRA Limited Edition (with bonus grey backwards hat)
  • AR-15 Uvalde School Shooter Mexican Emo Edition (With bonus My Chemical Romance Shirt)
hello kitty
Hello Kitty Variant of the M16A4 carbine.
M16 quad .50 Half Track

Latest Developments[edit | edit source]

The M16A4E4 is rumored to fire Tachyon particles as the primary projectile. It is believed that the recoil buffer is replaced with magnets and this is powered by Dark Matter, thus making the M16A4E4 one of the first man portable, shoulder fired Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Cinema[edit | edit source]

The M16 rifle is a favorite for use in cinema. Hollywood seems to love the M16 as it has been used in more than nine million movies.

Notable Users[edit | edit source]

Martin Sheen with an M16A1.
Al Gore with an M16A1.