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Not cool enough to be baboon.

Baboon never won Oscar. Baboon was in two best movies ever. But he was never even nominated. For Oscar.

Acting career

Baboon was in David Cronenberg's The Fly. And also in Elton John's The Lion King. But baboon is not popular enough. To win Oscar. How come? Baboon in cool. Maybe Oscars are not popular enough. For baboon to win them. That's more logical. Baboon can't eat Oscars anyway. Baboon prefers bananas. Bananas are sweet and tender. Oscar is hard and retarded. Maybe Oscar should have special category. For cool movies. With baboons in them. Baboon is cool. Tom Cruise is cool. Oscars are not cool.

If Oscars want to be cool they need more comedies. To win Oscar. For best movie. Like Tropic Thunder. But Tropic Thunder made fun of Oscars. Oscars don't like that. Cool means to laugh at you. Oscars can't laugh at Oscars. Why is cool cool? Cool means not hot. But most hot people are considered cool. Why? Cool people are not hot at all. They admit they are not hot. And that what makes them hot. And cool.


Bananas are cool. They are yellow. Just like Oscars. But they are cool. Some people like to fry bananas in caramel. Make them not cool. It's a special category. Of uncool bananas. Maybe Oscars should have it also. Special category. For uncool movies. Like, movies no one has ever seen. And will never see in the future. And give the Oscar to cool movies. Like Kickboxer 1. That was a good movie. I could just eat that movie. It was more a banana than a movie. But not in gay porn kind of way.


Baboon will never win Oscar. Baboon too cool for Oscars. Baboon prefers writing Uncylopedia articles. And eat bananas.

Non-acting career

Not cool enough to be banana.

Baboon also recorded the best song. Ever recorded. It is called Tutti Frutti. When baboon was asked to do the song, he didn't accept. Because he knew he couldn't do it better than Little Richard. But eventually he did the song. Baboon used his stage name, Pat Boone. To record Tutti Frutti. Then Elvis Presley did it again. Only a lot faster. It sounded even crappier than my version. So it didn't matter.

I also made sure to sing my name. At the end of the song. So that people will know it's not Little Richard's version. And not the Elvis version.

That song is a lot like a banana. Because it is fruity. Second, it is sweet. And it shows how much black singers are better. Than white ones.

Banana eating career

As mentioned before, baboon likes eating bananas. Not many know, but black bananas are better. Than yellow ones. Baboon knows. Now you do too.

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