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Birds Aren't Real

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This page is or discusses a loony and/or nutty conspiracy theory of which Uncyclopedia vehemently denies knowledge and existence.
The black helicopters are not ^on their way.
AGH! Don't look directly at them!

Do you want to know something? The government is going to persue me for telling you this, but: Birds Aren't Real. It's the truth! Birds are not real animals. They are all drones, manufactured by the government to spy on us! And of course, you're probably thinking to yourself, "What kind of drugs is this conspiracy theorist on? Birds are real creatures!" NO THEY AREN'T! It's all lies! They are just collecting information on us! Don't believe me? Keep reading!

Birds Used To Be Real

Birds used to be real animals, with hopes dreams and feelings. But around 1950, or.. 1960, or uh I can't remember. Somewhere around there, the CIA approved a program that would use airborne bird poison to kill every bird! They did this so they could gather detailed information on it's citizens. In order for people to not figure out that something was wrong with the birds, they created hyper realistic bird robot models for every type of bird in North America (the Canadian and Mexican government were in on it), complete with speakers, microphones and cameras. The technology was so good, that even if you cut open the birds, you would see blood and organs and no traces of wires or mechanical parts. Wow! With this, they immediately released millions of robot birds into the North American skies.

How Birds Are Used

Birds are used to track citizens's behaviour (who they talk to, what kind of coffee they drink and to predict the early signs of potential toilet paper riots). They use synthetic "bird poop" to track an items, similar to an Airtag. Ever wonder why pigeons poop on our cars? Now you know! Birds are battery powered, and need to charge up, so they will sit on power lines to charge their battery. This will also spread the bird energy through our power systems!! DON'T YOU SEE HOW BIG OF A PROBLEM THIS IS??? The bird energy will enter our houses and control our electricity! This is almost as bad as COVID causing 5G!

What If I Have A Pet Bird?


Get rid of it, NOW. The reason why parrots can mimic speech is because they have a programming flaw where they play back a recording of you! The government is so brazen they do nothing about it, it's like they are taunting us. They send all the recordings to the NSA and have a bigger profile on you than Facebook does! If you own a parrot, you're inviting the government into your home. WHY DID YOU EVEN BUY A PARROT AS A COMPANION ANIMAL??? You should have bought a DOG! And as shitty as dogs are, at least they won't record your voice and send it back to FBI headquarters (at least not yet). Your pet bird is probably watching you read this article right now! QUICK! Get that parrot OUT OF YOUR HOUSE ASAP!! If it starts recording you reading this article, you're in big trouble. You don't wanna mess with the US Government.

The PROOF that Birds are being used to spy on us

Okay. You've read this far. But you need to be careful when viewing this information. This is unclassified documents that PROVE what we already knew. That birds aren't real creatures. So I'm going to need you to scroll down.. and you'll see all the info-


Blood Spatter.jpg

See also

Cream of the Crap
This article was one of the Uncyclopedia:Top 10 Articles of 2023
Top 10 articles of 2023
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