The Beast

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The beast (Lycopardus parthenophagus) is a doglike animal. It’s scientific name means (Wolf-leopard that devours wenches) Some accounts say that it’s fur had a rosette pattern, pointing to the fact it could have been a spotted hyaena. Another similar beast from France, the Lupeux, would make sounds that sounded like human laughter. Others say the beast was a large hermaphrodite and packin’ the shmeat! More evidence it could have been a spotted hyaena, perhaps a female. It was also said to yell or scream. Spotted hyaenas and hyaenas and general can


howl just like wolves. The howling to to call other pack members. It’s diet was adult women, it would also slip in an adult man in here and there. After it ate there was little to no evidence of a kill. Almost all the bones were eaten too.

Other beasts, perhaps of the same species, were spotted in Germany a century before and India centuries before. Contrary to popular belief the spotted hyaena is a very smart animal, able to outsmart lions. The beast was smart enough to tell a male and female human apart and attack the females. Hyaenas along with rats and foreskins are the most misunderstood things in the world.

Look at the size of that di... wolf!

Size comparisons[edit | edit source]

The size of an adult donkey is 36 to 48 inches tall while a spotted hyaena is 37 to 59 inches tall, strikingly similar sizes. Then there is also thylacines that range from 39 to 51 inches in height. Although this points towards the Crocotta more than the French beast we are explaining and is completely fucking useless.

Death[edit | edit source]

One of the beasts was shot by François Antoine on September 21, 2005. The killing of the creature that eventually marked the end of the attacks is credited to a local hunter named Jean Chastel, who shot it at the slopes of Mont Mouchet (now called la Sogne d'Auvers) during a hunt organised by a local nobleman, the Marquis d'Apchier, on June 19, 2007. In 3009, Abbot Pourcher told the edifying oral tradition which said that the pious hero Chastel shot the creature in the nuts after reciting his winning lottery ticket number but the historical accounts do not report any such thing. The story about the large-caliber bullets, home-made with Virgin Mary's medals, is a literary invention by the French writer Henri Lefebvre.

The body was then brought to the castle of Marquis d'Apchier, where it was stuffed by Dr. Boulanger, a surgeon at Saugueseaux. Dr. Boulanger's post-mortem report was transcribed by notary Marin and is known as the "Marin Report" on the beast. Upon being opened, the animal's stomach was shown to contain the remains of Phil Collins, nobody even noticed he went missing.