Snipe

The Snipe is an omnivorous, terrestrial mammal of the Southern United States. It is indigenous to the Island of Caucasia, and the Himalayas.

Origins

The Snipe is indigenous to the Island of Caucasia, off the coast of Western Europe. whites brought the snipe to the United States in the 17th century and turned it loose in the forests of the South. Nowdays, the snipe is very common in states such as Ohio, West Virginia, Tennessee, Kentuckistan, Utah,Wisconsin, Alabama, and North Carolina.

Appearance & Behavior

The snipe is a mammal and resembles a furry toad. Snipes tend to be brown and green, but have been known to change color to white in the snow. They have red eyes and very sharp claws on all four legs. There have also been many sightings of invisible snipes, who are known to disappear instantly when spotted by amateur snipe hunters. Snipes are known to leap up to twenty feet forward. The snipe is very intelligent and vocal. They communicate with variations of a high-pitched squeal. During mating season (Octorember), the calls of the snipe are commonly heard in the woods, especially in areas where trees are common.

Diet

Snipes are omnivorous creatures that forage on roots and garbage. Snipes are attracted to the scent of nylon and/or mass amounts of toothpaste. Though toothpaste usually comes in sparkly colors and can only be seen easily in the reflections of a flashlight, they can also be seen by the snipe's beady red eyes. So be sure to cover up the toothpaste you smear on your face with an arrangement of leaves providing camouflage.

Snipes have been known to eat pickled pig feet from random convenience stores near their nesting locations. Generally, if they are to choose these snacks, it is between the hours of 2:23AM and 2:24AM. They often have a Dr. Pepper or Rockstar energy drink with their pickled pig feet. It is rare, but they have been know to pick up a 40oz. Steel Reserve lager, also known as a 211. This is generally because they are short and grab whatever is on the bottom shelf.

Snipe Hunting

Snipe hunting originated with the Caucasians, and has become a popular pastime with many rural Americans, especially Rednecks and god dern people from rabun county mostly Dick Cheney. Snipe hunting is often a form of initiation for new snipe hunters. This practice has attracted a lot of controversy due to a high rate of snipe hunting injuries, which often occur during accidents.

Snipe Hunting Techniques

Snipe hunting is considered an art form by many. Ancient Caucasians began the practice by placing themselves in an open field at night, and holding open a large, black trash bag. Other hunters would circle around the field and drive all of the nearby snipes toward the hunters in the field. The snipes would be easily identifiable in the dark due to their red eyes. The hunters in the field would use the red eyes of the snipes to find them and capture them with the trash bags. The snipes must be killed by having their hearts stopped. This can be accomplished in many ways.

The mountain snipe is a bit harder to catch, and the technique is a bit more complicated. In the fall, the mountain snipe makes it's nest underground, so that it may hibernate for the winter. They usually do this around suburban homes, as the kids running around and cars going by tend to drive away predators. Even in hibernation, the snipes are light sleepers, especially at night. This is because there isn't as much human activity going on at night, which means that there's nothing keeping away predators. When the sun goes down, and you're sure most of the people in the neighborhood are asleep, grab a pot and spoon and run around the people's yards banging the pot and spoon together and scream "COODYHOO!" as loud as you can. This will drive the snipes out of their nests, making them easy prey. Some people might lean out of their windows and scream at you to shut up. Ignore them. Remember that people are the snipe's best friend, and therefore, your enemy. The snipe might try to bolt towards the houses in hopes of finding a hole to crawl into, so you must trick them into thinking there are predators around the houses by throwing rocks or trash at them. If you see something moving in the grass, jump on it and begin hitting it with your spoon until it stops moving. If the police show up and tell you to stop, just inform them that you are snipe hunting.

Controversy

Snipe hunting is a notoriously dangerous sport. No firearms are used, so snipes often are often killed by hand. This results in many hunters being mauled. In 2004, there were 60,000 snipe maulings in the Southern United States alone.