Labubu
| Labubu | |
|---|---|
 How hideous. | |
| Scientific classification | |
| Domain | Eukaryota |
| Kingdom | Animalia |
| Phylum | Chordata |
| Class | Mammalia |
| Order | Labubia |
| Family | Labubi |
| Genus | Labubu |
| Species | L. Labubu |
| Binomial name | |
| Labubu labubu | |
| Diversity | |
| Habitat | China, Utah |
| Specifications | |
| Power supply | N/A |
| Strength | 0 |
| Intelligence | -5 |
| Length | Not that much |
| Special attack | Being inescapable from it on the internet |
| Conservation status | |
| Endangered (wild), Domesticated (non-wild) | |
 | NOT SAFE FOR BRAIN The article you are looking at may not be brain safe! If your mind or personality notices this article, claim that it was spam and blame a virus. Otherwise, continue to read it until you spork out your own frontal lobes. | ඞ |
“Labubu, Labu-labu, Labubu!”
“What is this hideous-looking Stitch-wannabe?”
“It looks very cute and handsome! I want it as a pet!”
“No it’s not!!”
The labubu (Labubu labubu) is an endangered and semi-sapient species of Stitch-wannabe imps, native to China and Lehi, Utah (home of Benson Boone), that has become extremely popular in the pet trade, which has nearly brought the species to their extinction. However, populations are slowly increasing again due to breeders, which desire for the "perfect" rare variants, releasing reject Labubus back into the wild.
Description[edit | edit source]
A Labubu is a semi-sapient mammalian species from the genus Labubu. Labubus are short and chubby, with a huge head, a plump body, a stubby tail, and small arms and legs. Labubus' fur can come in a wide variety of colors, from natural (white, cream, gray, tan, brown, black), to erm, natural (pink, red, blue, etc.). The same can also be said for their eye colors, coming in a wide variety of colors, commonly brown or green, though other natural colors are also seen in populations. The Labubu's most prominent feature is its hideous face, which is one area that isn't covered with fur, along with its hands, feet, and the inside of their ears. Its hideous face consists of huge eyes, a small nose, a wide shark-toothed grin, and large bunny ears. Though the fur colors vary, all Labubus have the same skin tone, for they are a racist species that mostly prefer ABGs. As for movement, the Labubu adopts a bipedal and plantigrade stance, walking and running similarly to humans. A small-medium species, the Labubu, on average, can grow to 18 inches (50 cm) tall, and can weigh up to 33 pounds (15 kg). The species is not sexually dimorphic, meaning there are no visible differences between opposite sexes.
Habitat and distribution[edit | edit source]
Labubus, in their wild state, are highly adaptable, and are native to China's various natural and urban landscapes, as well in neighboring nations. Populations can be found in the Himalayas, the Gobi Desert, and the Yangtze Basin, among others. Though they are an adaptable species, the Labubu prefers places with enough food sources and no extreme temperatures. In recent years, feral Labubus, either from the wild or released by breeders, have started to populate cities like Beijing, Shanghai, Macao, and Hong Kong. However, due to the pet trade, Labubus can now be seen in most parts of the world, mainly in and around human settlements.
Diet[edit | edit source]
Labubus are opportuninstic omnivores, meaning they can eat whatever is available in their habitat. Their general diet is similar to humans, and can consume anything fit for human consumption, though Labubus can go beyond human limits (including rotting food), due to having stronger digestive systems than humans.
Reproduction and life cycle[edit | edit source]
The Labubu, unlike humans, have three genders: male, female, and non-binary. Reproduction can be done sexually (male to female, male to non-binary, female to nonb-binary, and non-binary to non-binary) or asexually (by a single non-binary). Labubus give birth viviparously after a gestation period of 2.5 months. The babies, called Labublets, are born with a soft and thin layer of fur, and can only move at all fours. Newborn Labublets, on average are 3 inches (7.6) tall and weigh 0.25 lbs (110 grams). By a month, Labublets can already walk on two legs and eat solid food, but still drink milk from their mothers. And by 4 months, Labublets stop drinking their mother's milk, and are now called Juvie Labubus. In this stage, their fur has grown to its full thickness, and continuously grow to adult size. Juvie Labubus still live in their parents' nest/den and go with their parents, as they only leave once they reach sexual maturity at 1 year. Labubus can actively reproduce until they reach the age of 8, though they can still live beyond that point. The average lifespan of a Labubu is around 12 in the wild, and 15 in captivity.
Labubu culture[edit | edit source]
As a semi-sapient species, Labubus have also been seen doing actions that can be seen in human behavior. As a tribe, the species are generally just called the Labubu.
Social structure[edit | edit source]
Labubu social structures are incredibly diverse, some Labubus prefer to be in groups, while some Labubu prefer to be alone (except if they want to participate in mating). In group dynamics, the Labubu tribe is led by an alpha female, whose status is seen by her heart-shaped nose. Under the alpha female are the other females in the tribe, the alpha (more like beta) male is under the females, with the other males underneath. The non-binary Labubus are usually solitary, but if they are part of the group, they are at the same level as the alpha female.
Language[edit | edit source]
The Labubu have their own language, Labubese (Heh heh. La Boobies.), which only consist of them saying their own species' name, which is why they are called "Labubu" in the first place. The language does not have a written script (They can only say their name, so why bother?), and is only passed down orally. This makes the Labubu illiterate. However, songs and chants are part of their oral culture, with this sacred song as an example:
Relationship with humans[edit | edit source]
The Labubu have been interacting with humans for millennia, even before they became popular pets.
Before discovery[edit | edit source]
The Labubu, before scientists discovered them, were known to be very elusive creatures, only seen by a select few, but their claims of seeing a Labubu were only dismissed as tall tales and hallucinations through usage of opium. As the use of opium increased after it was legalized, sightings of Labubus apparently became more common, thus spreading the tale across the entire territory of China. When the kingdom's trade of opium reached neighboring kindoms, so did the sightings of the Labubu, with relics and paintings being created in their likeness.
Discovery[edit | edit source]
During the Opium Boom, when opium was started to be sold outside Asia, an envoy from China told scientists in Europe about the horrendous creature, also telling them that the Emperor is now being called an opiumbrain due to claiming that he had seen one without the effects of opium. They initially dismissied it as mere opium hallucinations, but intrigued by the creature, they decided to embark on a scientific expedition to China, where they met the Emperor, who gave them opium to test if his claims are true. After being given the task, the scientists, along with a few local explorers, set off to hunt for the strange creature. They decided that some of them take opium, while the others remain sober, to see if they are actually real. They camped in the forest for a few days, and after a some of them got really high, they heard the sacred song from a nearby bush. The members that were high quickly told the sober ones to follow them, and they too, heard them. And the Labubu who were singing, sensing their presence, ran away, with all of them seeing the creature. They returned back to the Emperor to report that the Labubus are indeed real, and the Emperor started bragging that he was correct, with the servants dismissing his and the expedition team's claims as mere opium hallucinations, and maybe they will believe them more if they actually catch a live Labubu, which gave the Emperor and the expedition team the idea to try and catch one. They all returned and set camp once more, none of them using the stuff, they laid traps and placed bait around the area where they heard the chanting, and they let the traps do their thing. They decided to sleep for the night, and once they woke up, they heard the sounds of Labubus singing, and to their astonishment, all traps caught at least one Labubu. The team was astonished upon the sight, but once they got close, they were instantly horrified and disgusted by the sight, save for one weird woman who found them cute. So they brought the Labubus to the Emperor, proving everyone who called him a crackhead wrong, and thus, starting the rest of the history of Human-Labubu interactions.
The pet trade[edit | edit source]
Following the Emperor keeping the captured Labubus as pets, even though he found them hideous, other nobles, wanting to be like the Emperor, started to get Labubus despite not liking their appearance. Eventually, people would start to find something cute about this hideous creature (I don't know how and why. Don't even ask me.). And breeders would start to breed Labubus to find rare varieties and for the "perfect" Labubu, still making profits from rejects that he hasn't released, bought by commoners, and the released rejects contributing to repopulation, which saved the Labubu from extinction (I wish they just killed the rejects...Anyways, yaaaay.). Eventually, Labubus were now also exported overseas, though they've only grown fond of ABGs.
The fur trade[edit | edit source]
Not only were they used as pets, wild Labubus were also hunted and killed for their furs, a prized material in the broader fur trade. Trappers from all across China hunted extensively throughout the land, trapping and killing every single one they find. Though their fur was valuable, the trappers can't bear to look at the horrendous creatures, so they skinned them as soon as possible, once seeing the furless Labubu, they were horrified even more, throwing it away instantly to rot. Their hunting practices almost led the Labubu to extinction, until Labubu fur was outlawed upon learning that said fur, when exposed to a spark, can instantly set an explosion, which led to nobles and traders tosurrender their coats to be used for the Empire's artillery. Until today, some Labubus are still being skinned for their fur, to be sold in the black market, commonly bought by terrorists to create their bombs.
The slave trade[edit | edit source]
Though rare, there were records of Labubus being sold as part of the slave trade, due to their lower sapience level compared to humans, but were not as successful as the OogaBoogas, as they were bigger and stronger than the Labubu, and were quick to retaliate to attacks. Though in the modern day, where there is no slavery, Labubus are secretly being used by corporate companies like Temu, Shein, etc., to be hired as slaves, being quicker and more efficient than the free workers, who in reality are lazy slaves who can't do their jobs properly in corporate or industrial settings.
Feral populations[edit | edit source]
Due to the pet trade, there have been feral Labubus seen roaming the cities, making nests in dumps and in the sewers. It is said that these Labubus were either breeder "rejects", or pet Labubus that have been abandoned due to their owners not liking them anymore due to how hideous they are. These Labubus are considered urban pests, for they steal food, wreak havoc, spread disease, and attack people. Though some have been tamed via sedation and brought into shelters to be sold, or adopted as pets, or as free workers, or as slaves to the extremely rich.
Cultural and religious significance[edit | edit source]
Despite being viewed as scum by most cultures, Labubus also hold significance in some cultures, here are instances:
- Thailand: Labubus are considered sacred and bring good luck to whoever owns one, has a tattoo or amulet of one. Labubus are also said to be the vassals of Buddha himself.
- Floptropica: Labubus are sacred, as their duty is to protect the citizens of Floptropica and their Queen Jiafei against their enemies, the Gooners.
- Labubuddhism: In Labubuddhism, Labubus are generally benevolent spirits that serve a higher being that no one knows about.
- Mormonism: The religion of consumerists, most Christian Labubu are identified as Mormon because of Benson Boone's influences and impacts of Mormonism.
Conspiracy theories (probably true)[edit | edit source]
Labubus, like all other things on Earth, have been a subject of multiple conspiracy theories.
The plague[edit | edit source]
It was believed that the fleas carried by the Labubu was the actual cause of the Bubonic Plague (should be called the Labubunic Plague). The Labubus' fleas were spread to rats due to their tendencies of bestiality, spreading their fleas inside and outside the rats, thus making them carry the disease. It is also believed that they were also responsible for the COVID-19 pandemic by spreading the disease to bats and other pets.
Witch familiars[edit | edit source]
A more popular conspiracy theory, it is stated that Labubus are witch familiars sent by Asmodeus to wreak havoc by brainwashing people to become little witches for his dark Empire. It is also said that the Labubus' sacred chant is actually an occult ritual chant, or a spell to destroy people, particularly Jews, when translated into human language.
Here's the translation:
