Motorized Shopping Cart

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The way of the future...

Hello there, folks. I'm Howard Hughes. You might remember me from such films as The Aviator, The Crazy Paranoid Billionaire and Boobs in the Sky. Tonight I'm going to talk to you about how Motorized Shopping Carts are the way of the future. The way of the future. The way of the future.

The way of the future?[edit]

Yes. In the future, everybody will be driving in motorized shopping carts. Say goodbye to all your cars and airplanes. Motorized shopping carts are the way of the future! The way of the future. The way of the future.

When is this future?[edit]

The way of the future...

THE FUTURE IS NOW!!!! Motorized shopping carts are popping up everywhere in parking lots, supermarkets, even online. You can even steer them with your smartphone. You can drive your motorized shopping cart while checking out your online dating profiles. The way of the future. The way of the future.

But... why?[edit]

Don't you know anything about technology? Less is more! Why bother creating a huge complicated vehicle when you can just put an engine on a shopping cart and feel the air rush through your trousers! Motorized shopping carts are the way of the future! The way of the future. The way of the future.

Pff...What do you even know about the future?[edit]

Now you've done it, punk. You think you know better? Don't talk down to me! I'm Howard Hughes, goddammit! I said jet engines were the way of the future and I was fucking right! Hell, I'm so rich, I can make motorized shopping carts the way of the future! The way of the future! The way of the future!

The way of the future...

Hey, weren't you dead or something?[edit]

What? I'm fucking Howard Hughes! I'm freaking immortal, got it! Nobody can touch me! Not even those men in black that keep following me around! You hear me?! Motorized shopping carts are the way of the future! THE WAY OF THE FUTURE! THE WAY OF THE FUTURE!

Sure, I'll accept anything you say if it makes you stop repeating yourself.[edit]

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! THE WAY OF THE FUTURE!

I was on the cover of Time Magazine[edit]

At least once. People on the cover of magazines should be trusted to build dependable vehicles even if they are cheap metal frame shopping tools with a motor tied to it using cheap rope. Think it isn't safe? I tested one with my grandchildren inside. Would I do that if I wasn't absolutely sure? Why wait? Buy your shopping cart now. We save on costs by stealing shopping carts from super markets and buying old used Russian motors from decaying post-soviet cities. You'll save thousands each year by riding around the city in the vehicles of the future, the futurethe future...

Didn't you build airplanes[edit]

Those slow death machines pale in comparison with the convenience and speed of motorized shopping carts. So put on your bomber jacket, grow a sexy pencil line moustache, put grease in your hair, park your ass on the uncomfy metal floor of the cart and look forwards to the future. You don't even need a steering wheel. Onward ho to the future, the future the future the future the futurethe future...

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