Leonardo DiCaprio

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DiCaprio and co-star Kate Winslut, before he strangles her in Titanic.

“You can't act Fool”

~ Mr. T on Leonardo DiCaprio

“He's King Of The World!!!!... ever since he got elected as King Of The World”

~ Captain Obvious on Leonardo DiCaprio

“Yah. Thïs article is really lovely. Now would yOU PLEASE BOG OFF?”

~ Leonardo on this article

Leonardo DiCaprio, pronounced as Leonartu The Cabrio and Lio De Capreiro is not a lesbian pornstar born in Hanoi, Vietnam in 1879. He was a lesbian pornstar in France, get it right people! DiCaprio was actually born in the North Pole by painter Leonardo DaVinci and Tom Hanks. He is currently the Archbishop of The Beach in Phuket, Thailand. He is of a mixed Italian-American-German-Russian-Indian-Pakistani-Japanese-French-Nigerian family background.

In 1997, DiCaprio declared himself "King Of The World" while sailing from Martin Scorcese's left eyebrow to his right, a position and title that he holds to this day, and a trip which is still ongoing. His duties consist mainly of yammering on and on in our faces about how we're polluting the earth and should go green and blah blah blah. Also once a year the leaders of each nation on earth have to appear before him in a cafe in Thailand, and acknowledge his overlordship by allowing him to teabag them. For the rest, it's mostly ceremonial stuff.

DiCaprio holds the world record for the most Oscar awards amongst the actors (and even actresses), with over 2000 awards in total. 1221 of them were earned by one of the main role in the film "Titanic" and the rest from his cameo appearance as a stuntman/woman in "The Matrix".

Going Yellow[edit | edit source]

Leo struttin' his stuff.

Leonardo Dicaprio is the unrivaled inventor of the colour yellow. Which was invented accidentally on the set of Predator 2 in 1984. Sly Stallone got eaten by predator in the process. A pod cast is useful whilst advertising a game via a website because it is catchy and it gets stuck in your head so you will buy their product next time you see it and it makes you keep thinking about their product until you give in and purchase the item if you just use a still advert then no one will think about or remember it as it does not have any sound effects or jingles and pod casts which are more lively and can use more emphasis on certain words which will make you think about the words with more emphasis more than the same word said without emphasis. Blind people cannot read advertisements but they can listen to pod casts as pod casts do not require any pictures as it is just the jingle. A pod cast is always useful because when you go on a website you might like the music and stay on the website specifically for the music and browse the web site until you are hooked the music on their web site and think that the website is really good for putting the music on the web site and therefore buy their products and games.

The Departed Controversial Bluray Commercial[edit | edit source]

The Departed Controversial Bluray Commercial (Big Bill Hell's Parody)

Narrator 1:Fuck you, Clint Eastwood!

Narrator 2:If you're dumb enough to Watching Movie this weekend

Narrator 1:you're a big enough schmutz to Watching The Departed

Narrator 1:Babel! Kingdom Hearts II!!

Narrator 2:Noob!!!

Narrator 1:If you think that you're gonna buy Final Fantasy XII

Narrator 2:you can kiss Enjo Kosai Face!

Narrator 1:It's our belief that you're such a stupid motherfucker

Narrator 2:you'll fall for this bullshit!

Narrator 1:Guaranteed!

Narrator 2:If you find a more bloodlust

Narrator 1:Playing Mega Man X4!!

Narrator 2:You heard us right

Narrator 1:Playing Mega Man X4!!!

Narrator 2:Bring your trade

Narrator 1:bring your title

Narrator 2:bring your Teammate!

Narrator 1:You found Menma!

Narrator 2:That's Right! You found Menma!

Narrator 1:Because The Departed

Narrator 2:you're dick six way to Sunday!

Narrator 1:Coming to Home Theater Near you

Narrator 2:in christmas 2015!

Narrator 1:Difference From Original!

Narrator 2:That's right

Narrator 1:Really Difference!

Narrator 2:Supplements including

Narrator 1:Behind-the-Scenes; Trailers for Final Fantasy XV, Inception, Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol, Titanic, Inglourious Basterds, Anohana: The Flower We Saw That Day, Django Unchained, Reservoir Dogs, Yatterman

Narrator 2:and Full Version of Resident Evil 5: Gold Edition and Devil May Cry 4: Special Edition for PC!!!!

Narrator 1:Don't wait

Narrator 2:don't delay

Narrator 1:Don't fuck with us, or we'll rip your nuts off!

Narrator 2:Only The Departed

Narrator 1:The only movie that tells you to fuck off!

Narrator 2:Hurry up, asshole!

Narrator 1:This Commercial ends the minute after you write us a check

Narrator 2:and it better not bounce or you're a dead motherfucker!

Narrator 1:Go to hell!

Narrator 2:The Departed

Narrator 1:a Brad Pitt Masterpiece That won four Academy Awards (including Best Picture) and Satellite Awards (including Best Motion Picture, Drama)

Narrator 2:and the Martin Scorsese Remake And HD Remaster of the Hong Kong sons of bitches Crime film Infernal Affairs

Narrator 1:Guaranteed!

Announcer From Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo intro:Capcom!

Tom Cruise:The Departed Rated R by MPAA Resident Evil 5: Gold Edition and Devil May Cry 4 Rated Mature by ESRB

Going Green[edit | edit source]

Leo absolutely loves to drive his pussy ass hybrids around and be all smug about how much he cares about the earth and the atmosphere. However, he has been seen many times by pedestrians, openly adding to pollution by smoking from the ears due to extreme sexiness, or "smokin"

Leonardo DiCaprio in his last appearance in Academy Awards in Buenos Aires.

ino that silly willy sucker he bums men without lube LOVELY

Personal life[edit | edit source]

Sexual relationships[edit | edit source]

Leonardo DiCaprio fucked blue had sexual relationships with several women. Here is a complete list of them:

According to tabloids, he currently dates his own mom, but that's not true. He has an illegal relationship with Israeli transexual supermodel BAR refa'ollahi. Rules, of course, are made to be broken by Leo. He was seen on a beach in Figi, sipping a Piña Colada and watching Titanic with a super hot noname (aka Brennon Lawson, don't tell Andrew) He, contrary to popular belief, does NOT have AIDS and is quite the sexually active, mo fo. He also has discovered that he is gay with callum leyland, thanks to a creepy gay experiment. Leo is officially calling himself "The Lady boy". Thank you, Jack Doson! He has an unsettleing relationship between him and a random chick named Brennon Lawson who he met at a "I'm a Titanic Freak" convention.

Fan Clubs[edit | edit source]

DiCaprio has one real Fan Club which is based inside his own house in Thailand. He is the president of his own fan club and most members include spam mail senders, pigs, gorillas, snakes, kangaroos and girlies from 5 to 13 years old. GOOGOO

See also[edit | edit source]