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9 out of 10

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Paul Revere wonders if this tea kettle even exists.

9 out of 10 (better known by its stage name, 9/10) is the probability of everything in the entire universe. This is in close relation to 42, but of course, there's only a 9/10 chance that it's true. 9/10 has been studied by many scientists and philosophers, but no one has ever really figured it out. The common element to the 9/10 theory is that everything, (including you) has a 9/10 probability. No matter what happens, your hypothesis will always be correct. If it's what you expected you can say "Well yeah, it was a 9/10 chance, of course I'm right," and if it's not you say "Well yeah, it was a 1/10 chance. I'm pretty fucking smart." This has been argued by many losers who can't understand math, but what do they know? They have only a 9/10 chance of being right.


During the early 1900s, America was on the fast track to the Industrial Revolutionary War. With the invention of the light bulb and many scientists wanting to be cool, Paul Revere, a self claimed expert at things, took a shot at science. He used metaphors like the famous Albert Einstein, except he didn't hit his head on an apple like a fucking idiot.

1918 hit, and the aspiring scientist felt it was the right time to do something "spectacular", which would allegedly be the last contribution to science before the Boston Molasses Disaster. Paul went to his local market (in current day Ikea) and bought ten of nearly everything. Claimed by other witnesses, he was seen walking out of the store with ten hookers, with 9/10 chance of one of them being a transsexual.

Paul had brought home all the items he had stolen purchased and organized them by ugliest color vertically and alphabetically horizontally. Along with the other junk he bought, he purchased Criss Angel, who attempted to make all the objects fly. If Paul's hypothesis was right, then nine of the ten objects would float, with only a nine out of ten chance that it would happen. Sure enough, none of the objects floated, meaning Paul's hypothesis was correct. Many people assumed this was stupid and was an act of voodoo. Paul later published in an academic journal the formula for 9/10:

Where "WankaWonk" = Criss Angel.

9/10 is the reason you may want to look outside right now.

Other theories

Many other scientists didn't necessarily disagree with Paul, but wanted to be better and try to see if their hypothesis was right. This resulted in a lot of confusion on who is right, and the problem of the odds of someone being right.

Stephen Hawking

World class scientist Stephen Hawking's opinion on the matter was that there was no matter. 9/10 simply distinguishes whether we exist or not in a 9/10 chance. He depicted it as ten universes, nine of them capable of being seen. The other one, however, is a pigment of our imagination, and thus doesn't exist. This was argued by conspiracy theorists, but most of them were too scared of the opinion.

Paul quickly argued this, saying that if that was proven to be true, the spacemans would've found of them by now. Stephen easily won the first round of the argument, but Paul won the entire debate by saying space didn't even exist and that moon travel was a myth, leaving Stephen's hypothesis unpopular by the science community.

Marilyn Manson

Hit rock artist and scary person, Marilyn Manson, released an album on the theory called 9/10 in early 1990, arguing over the existence of 9/10 and all of us as a whole. He believed that believing in 9/10 was like believing in Santa Claus and is very true. Similar to Hawking, Marilyn believed that 9/10 resembled whether we exist or not. He said if you don't believe in 9/10, you were either a faggot or white.

This brought many rock artists and bands, such as ZZ Top, Demi Lovato, Al Pacino, and John Lennon to organize a 9/10 Colony in northwest Oregon to practice their form of 9/10. This subsequently made many people anguish the rock genre, and listened to different music, such as Gangnam Style.

Albert Einstein

Similar to his findings of gravity and the "you have two cows" philosophy, Albert Einstein hit his head with another apple, questioning if the apple's probability of falling. He quickly went back to his lab in Manhattan (where his Manhattan Project was nearly finished for his son's show-and-tell) and cloned himself nine times. He then walked back into the park where the apple hit his head, and placed each of his subjects underneath an apple tree, including himself.

You can never be too sure! Look outside now!

He waited for the apples to fall, but none of them did. They waited three hours, until one of the clones chopped down a tree using an olive fork in sheer anger. Albert, in an attempt to scrap together an algorithm, ripped out a previous equation from his book of devious plans and used it as his 9/10 theory.

Where there are no numbers and the letters don't matter.

Of course, everyone argued the new hypothesis was a simple copy of his speed of thought theory. Although this was completely true, he denied it, along with the entire Confederate state of 9/10.

Mickey Mouse

Mickey Mouse indirectly supported Paul Revere's theory in an interview with Bill O'Reilly regarding the hypothesis. Right when Bill was about to say "fuck it" due to Mickey's not responding to the question, he yelled "Oh boy!" This was plastered all over news bulletins, and the words "oh boy" were plastered onto the end of the equation without the rodent's consent.

Al Pacino

Al Pacino thinks he has a hypothesis, but really just yells "9/10!" every once and a while. However, its popularity has grown to the point where it's the new catchphrase for the Al Pacino Academy of Shouting.

In popular culture

9/10 in a diamond

For some reason, 9/10 reached a very popular crowd of people, most of whom were either bullies or cool nerds. The controversies that came along with the hypothesis quickly grabbed the media's attention.

In television

Popular comedy sitcom, The Big Bang Theory, mentioned the 9/10 theory after the gang argued if Penny was a man or not in the sixth season due to her appearance increasingly looking like Sophia Loren. However, Raj later misused the term after saying Penny's breasts were "9/10". This caused no one to care and not effecting the show whatsoever.

9/10 is often used in commercials as something to mock when companies say you can "do whatever you want". Coca-Cola uses 9/10 the most with the polar bear dressed as Paul Revere saying "9/10" like a fucking moron. This is probably more stupid than The Big Bang Theory incident.

In music

Besides Marilyn Manson's 9/10 album, many other songs directly refer to the theory. Some of the more famous ones are Britney Spears' Ten me Baby one more Nine which did horrid in the U.S charts. Another version was Jimi Hendrix's Let me stand next to your probability, which was the inspiration to The Who's Won't Get Fooled Again after stating they won't get fooled again by listening to that song.


People often mistake 9/10 as a date, which they are sadly wrong. September 10 showed no significance in any year. Some may argue that it is the day before 9/11, but that's important only for Christmas and New Year's Eve. Just because I'm standing behind Kim Kardashian doesn't mean I show any significance. Although anyone would have a good time standing behind Kim Kardashian, no one would care.

People also assume that 9/10 is a rating after The Big Bang Theory incident. Even if 9/10 was a rating system, no one would use it. We rate everything by stars now, and up until recently, we started using the three-star system instead of the five-star system. These people are just making excuses because they don't want to understand 9/10's awesomeness and want to stick to irrelevant topics, like gravity.

See also

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