Demi Lovato

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This is the generation's hero. Are you proud yet?

“I like mugs.”

~ Demi Lovato on her favourite thing

Demetria Devonne "Demi" Lovato (born August 20, 1992) is a wannabe Pop Star, actress, and lesbian from East Bumfuck, Texas, most famous for her pathetic work for Disney. Her most overrated role in her history was probably her worst, as she starred in Camp Cock and Camp Cock 2. Her fame started at a young age when her significantly more talented friend Selena Gomez signed her to Disney during their Barney and Fiends years, similar to how pointless and overrated Kim Kardashian got popular via pointless and overrated Paris Hilton.

Early Life[edit]

Demi first started off as the bitchy Angela on Barney and Friends in 2002. Ratings immediately dropped and the show was nearly cancelled. Demi was scrapped off from the main cast and was used as a male extra named Lenny. She later won her first Grammy Award for Best Pointless T.V Character, in which she accepted wearing her trademark Lenny baseball cap. In early 2003, Demi was fired from the show, and unfortunately, continued her acting career.


For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Demi Lovato.

Disney was forced to sign Demi Lovato when she entered the main headquarters in San Antonio, California with a handgun. Walt Disney refused any offers of shows or movies Demi could star in, but changed his mind after he received a swift kick into the genitalia.

Camp Cock and Sonny Has No Chance[edit]

Demi listens to one of her favorite dead baby jokes

It was announced in 2007 that Demi Lovato would star as Bitchie Torres in the critically acclaimed film Camp Cock. The plot is based around Bitchie and The Bonus Brothers visiting a decently nice Hindu Church Camp, attempting to murder anyone in an earshot of their horrendous singing voices. At the same time, Demi was dating Nick Jonas, possibly even Kevin... or was it Joe... Either way, fans rumored Demi was dating all three of the Jonas' at the same time when her album I Hate Foursomes came out in late 2007.

The release of Camp Cock brought Disney to an all time high of 6 year old viewers, officially starting the Helpless and Hopeless era for the company. To make matters even worse, Demi released her 2nd studio album Shit, Here We Go Again, coincidentally starring in a new shitty 6-year old show Sonny Has No Chance. The show is based around Sonny, a high strung, bipolar, and mentally unstable actress starring in a show-within-a-show paradox. The idea came from Walt with his own experience of hiring shitty actors for shitty shows, similar to Selena Gomez and Lizards of Waverly Place.

Relationship with Fez[edit]

Demi had broken up with Joe/Nick/Kevin Jonas and started experimenting with cast members outside of her age rating. It was announced by TMZ in 2008 that Demi was seeing That '70s Show character Fez (He doesn't have a real name in reality. It's just Fez). Fez immediately denied their relationship together, and desperately started sleeping with Jay Leno to cushion the embarrassment. Selena, being Demi's best friend, started an alliance with Nickelodeon stars Drake Hell, Josh Peck, and Amanda HIVs in a silent protest against Fez. The alliance did no damage, and Team Demi remained a failure.

Another God Damn Camp Cock and More Musical Torture[edit]

2009 came around for Disney and they soon got desperate for another movie. With a budget of $13 and a few Jelly beans, they scrapped together another plot for Camp Cock 2: The Final Ham. The story returns back to the Hindu Church Camp, but Alex Russo's Mom plays a much more significant part. As Bitchie and the Brothers go on their deafening killing spree, Alex Russo's Mom starts seeing manager of Camp Better-Than-Demi's-Shit-Music, Ringo Starr. The sudden turn cause the Jonas Brothers and Demi to leave, and ended the movie with them running off crying and joining the Bush Administration. The movie received outstanding views due to that.

With the release of the movie, more terrible music was made. She released her album UnUnbroken at the beginning of 2010. Such featured songs were Skyraper, Give Your Fans a Break, and Mistake (My Music Career) broke the U.S charts. Not in a good way though.

Batshit Crazy Stage[edit]

After Camp Cock 2 went horribly wrong for Demi and the Bonus Brothers, Walt Disney wanted to avenge his genitals. He kidnapped the cast and put them on a Delta plane during mid 2010. Worse than that, they were forced to perform a tour based on their Camp Cock adventures. Needless to say, the World wasn't too happy about it, and neither was Demi.

Even Demi has boundaries against Britney's stupidity

Demi felt a bit tensed after her Break Up with one of the Jonas Brothers, and Walt's unexpected kidnapping threw her off. On a plane out of Bahooga, British Columbia, people talked back and forth across the isles saying "Demi has a pretty dress". One girl sitting next to Demi thought it was a game of Telephone, and decided to derail the game and whisper in Demi's ear: "I will take your mother Dorothy Lovato out for a nice seafood dinner, and NEVER call her again."

The girl ended up with a black eye and a clear understanding that derailing fun games is a bitch. Demi completed her year of Anger management and How to Deal with Assholes sessions. Apparently she's "okay" now. So now she can make more music. Lucky for us, huh?

Disney Comes to Their Senses[edit]

Demi's freak out caught the attention of Disney, and they fired her for good. On a completely unrelated note, the amount of deaf children in the world dropped a whole 54%.

The X Fraction[edit]

2 very relaxing years went by for the music industry until Demi was released from Alcatraz in 2012. Board Directors of the The X Fraction wanted a new theme for the second season. It was quickly decided that the theme would be: Young singers who had either shaved their bald or dated one or more Jonas Brothers.

Amerika voted for Britney Spears and Demi to be the 2 new judges for the show, (the only ones who fit the fucking category) , alongside creator of the competition stupid Brit Simon Cowell and Los Angeles Reid. Demi was booted off the show after she voted for Rape Stevens the whole competition through. Future albums are in progress for the young star, and the earplugs industry is booming!

See also[edit]