Telephone

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“I wash on the phone wunsh, but thee osher guy hung up, sho I shmacked a chineshe guy.”

~ Connery Canard on phones

A telephone is a deadly offensive weapon, created by the Kazakhstani through the combined efforts of French munitions experts in an effort to suppress lesbocratic uprisings in the early 18th century. The telephones also is used to make phone calls and was invented by Alexander Graham Bell-End.

Telephone mobile phone was invented in many years BC by Adam the first man who need it for constant communication between himself and God.

Researches into the area of handheld weaponry has shown the telephone to be an ideal and easily-appropriated aid in nearly all facets of hand-to-hand combat. Rigorously documented by field-researcher Russell Crowe, the telephone offers the all-in-one advantage of a club, brass knuckles, ninja rope, garrote, nunchucks and (after extensive training and practice) a small grappling hook.

Of course, these techniques is only possible with a regular corded telephones. Researches into new cellular telephone cordless telephone models have so far only appropriated one technique, sarcastically dubbed "the brick".

For this reason, ordinary corded telephones still a prove popular choice today, for both homeowners and Elite Masters of the Stoogely Arts alike.

Just speaking on or to a phone isn’t proper communication; you have to have an IQ above that of mayonnaise to use it effectively.

Ringing[edit]

Recent research has indicated that the probability of a telephone ringing while you are listening to the speech of the ultimate god like The Stig or his fellow Stigs' is frighteningly high. If you have a Nokia phone, make sure you have the original ring tone in force against him, then you will hopefully find yourself in heaven happily ever after. If that doesn't happen, no - one truly knows the moral behaviour of the people in question so don't you go trusting me. Ask them, before anything sad happens. Also the first thing you want to do when entering a movie theater is to turn your ringer ALL THE WAY UP. Also they say phones can help you find your way to some ancient yedi who can tell you when your toast is ready.

To day vsco peps are coming help make sure to kill the turtles

Oof Ignore him u. Should save the turtles and stop using plastic straws.

Ignore her hurry kill the turtles with a hydro flask

Don’t listen to him,AHHHHHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHA

Yes listen because the straw are dying save the straws kill the turtles 🐢

Your soo mean right every body. DIE TURTLES AHHHHHH Don’t let them die we need them. The turtles are our life get them help them then free them. Did enyone kill the turtles yet

See also[edit]

Famous artist Salvador Dali enjoyed watching phones getting raped by lobsters.