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“When you need someone you just turn around and I, I will be there.

When you're feeling low Baby let me know

And I, I will be there.”
~ Britney Spears on there


~ Oscar Wilde on there

“We started from the bottom now we here”

~ Drake on there
There, Iowa.png
If you look closely, you can see that one place that I'm talking about. It's right there, I swear to God. It's
Motto: We're actually over Here.
Civic anthem: That Song that Goes "Hmmm"
Settlement typeCity/Town/Village/Uninhabited Forest
Official nicknameThat Place
Official language(s)Foreign
MayorHim. Or Her, I forget.
EstablishedA while ago
Hours of OperationRegular business hours
PopulationAbout as big as can be expected

According to that one guide I bought at that one place, There is located over there. The population is either very large or very small, depending upon what the population is. The city itself either covers an area the size of a football field or an area the size of the moon, depending on the day of the week and the wind chill factor. Yeah. Seriously. I read that somewhere about this place. (Not to be confused with Their or They're)

History of That One Place That This Article Is About[edit | edit source]

There was founded when he asked where he was. They answered "There." He went there to find somebody and yelled "I found There". Afterwards, he named that place There after that event. Pretty cut and dry, right? I think that about sums it up. I could stop There, but I wouldn't want to. Look at all the words left in this article? I can't stop, now. It has a pretty fascinating history if you would just sit down and shut up. It has all sorta history n' shit. ...I think. Look, it's all very confusing.

It was first discovered by Sir Anthon McMustigo in 1843. When he came there he became very satisfied with himself and said "I'm there!", which he was not, since there is a place and not a person.Scientists have recently argued that he was in fact mad even before he set out to go there. (Readers' Disgust, August, 2010)

A Strange Phenomenon of There[edit | edit source]

Due to recent extensive work by physicists the locals of There have been made apparent of a strange phenomenon ocurring only to them. It seems that people There are always There to outsiders but to each other they are in fact "here" (the name given to such a state by its discoverers). This has led to much confusion among the simple-minded, many of whom have died trying to get back to "There" from "Here", a feat which is truly impossible except for three people, Chuck Norris (recently shaved beard), Roxasneo (recently ceased to exist), and Billy Mays (recently deceased).

That One Time That Something Exciting Happened[edit | edit source]

This one time, right, some dude burned down some big ol' house over There, which made the citizens call for some kind of action similar to revenge. They started a war (or something) and he (or she... or they...) asked the other guy questions pertaining to the building. The suspect replied that he didn't know what was going on, or that he didn't care, or that he denied ever knowing the building, and was promptly hung by the citizens of There, I think. I'm not sure, but I think that's what happened. I'm kinda tipsy right now. Ask me later.

I think that was Their version of the Civil War. Yeah. That one dude represented that one group and that one other guy and his cronies or whatever represented that Empire. It was a big ol' battle n' shit: It was fuckin' crazy, according to one of these old people who actually saw it. Well, okay, he didn't actually see it, but he heard about it. I don't remember what happened, but yeah, it was nuts. I'm not sure, but it says right here in the "Guide to There" that some event occurred there. I'm not saying it has a commemorative plaque or anything, it's just that it's almost interesting. What was I talking about?

Those People[edit | edit source]

There are all sorta people who come from There. Famous people from There include... Oh you know, that one guy? Remember? With the red hair? Also, that one lady with the nice floral pattern dress that always visited your mother? You recall, the one... the one with the, uh, dress... Look, There are lots of great people that come from that place. Look, here: I'll show you. See? That's my sister. Yeah. Are you saying my sister isn't great?... well what about that guy over there! He's famous look at him! Hey you there say something! "I'm here" no you're there!

The Festival In That One Locale I Mentioned[edit | edit source]

Yeah, I think there's some kinda thingy they do every year, some kinda festival. I think that there's probably some kind of eating and drinking contest. I believe that many people attend, like the president. ...of the local motor club. Yeah, he's there. Probably judging the pumpkins or some shit like that. What a horrible little town, right? Well, it gets worse. It's probably not a real "festival" at all. It's basically just a little shit festival without even a pony ride. I love pony rides! Why doesn't anyone fuckin' listen to me???

Geography of That Place[edit | edit source]

For those without comedic tastes, the guys over there have an article about There.

Where is There, you ask? There is located over There. It is not here unless you live there, in which it is here. There is not somewhere, it is specifically located over there. There is not somewhere, definitely not everywhere, not nowhere. There is fucking there!! Honestly guys, you should know better. Are we clear? We're not? Here, just take this brochure. It'll explain everything.

Streets of That One City I Was Discussing Earlier[edit | edit source]

Well, that was no help either.

This street that connects to that street is located over there... no this way. It connects to this street, no a little to your left, street which is located there. He lives on that street in that house, no a little to the right, yes that one. That street, does it go this way, or that way? It doesn't matter unless you're over There. Either that or I'm reading that one guide wrong. Either that, or it doesn't matter because all streets lead there anyways.

Highways of That One City I was Discussing Earlier[edit | edit source]

You take that one road, but before you get on that road, you need to go on this other road.

Yeah, this one highway exit connects to that one street over There which connects to that street over here where he lives. That one highway goes from There to That one Place and connects with This Highway at that one interchange located somewhere, no a little to the left. Before that one exit over there, that road intersects with this one highway, no not that one highway, this one highway located somewhere over there.

Environment Around That One Place[edit | edit source]

There's all sorta crazy shit near There. The mountains around There are either very tall or non-existent depending on the height. Lake There, the closest lake to Here, is either very deep or very shallow depending on your point of view. The lake provides the main export of There, "Whatever," a local fish that is either a rare local delicacy or is utter shit, depending on whether you like it or not. Really, I don't know what this stupid guidebook thing is talking about.

That One Guide I mentioned earlier[edit | edit source]

Yeah, everything I mentioned earlier relies on that one Guide I mentioned earlier. That one guy who wrote that one guide could be very intelligent or not so intelligent depending on his intelligence. Since I'm not sure what his intelligence is, I will just assume assume he’s correct.

See also[edit | edit source]