Unknown Artist
“Who?”
“Wait! Why am I on this page?! I'm somebody! People know me!”
“Oh yeah, I know that guy”
“People don't seem to know him”
Unknown Artist (born when he was born or sometime), is the most popular artist in the world. He is known for playing the most diverse styles of any artist that ever existed, ranging from classical to dance to hardcore punk. He began his successful solo career sometime after the invention of the electronic music library in 1990, after acquiring a deal with Windoze Media Player. He was also involved in the huffing incident which occurred in Silicon Valley in 1951, but he got away, blaming This Guy for the incident. He is world-famous for playing in Winamp. It is rumored that the Unknown Artist's real name is John Crosby but only he and Oscar Wilde can really know for sure.
Career[edit | edit source]
Music[edit | edit source]
Unknown Artist probably played in many bands, choirs, orchestras as well as duets and solo performances. He was first introduced worldwide through popular interactive show called 'Audiograbber'. The audience immediately recognized the talent and his popularity grown instantly. Soon afterwards, many renowned artists started to steal his masterpieces, including whole albums and compilations. This lead to Unknown Artist's response by making a deal with the popular chain of grocery stores 'Napster'. Since then, he/she/it expanded his/her's/it's work by making contracts with some of the famous record companies such as E-mule & E donkey (famous for gypsies approach to classical themes), Limewire (an alcoholic beverage), Morpheus (Who gave Kung Fu lessons to all employees) and alike. Today, he is known all over the World by his hit songs, Track 1, Track 2, Track 3, Track 4, Track 5, Track 6, Track 7, Track 8, Track 9, Track 10, etc. However, it continues today to be confusing as to which of his "Track 1"s are indicated when "Track 1" is said.
He presumably briefly used a pseudonym, "unknown artist". Unknown Artist has also won Grammys for his highly successful 1992 debut album Unknown Album, the also highly successful 1993 follow-up unknown_album, and his critically acclaimed fourth album released in 1997, %&Album%&, which was originally released in the Cherokee alphabet as a double disc set. He also won the Grammy for Best Performance in an Unspecified Genre for his hit single, "Track 2". Unknown's current band, "Special Guest," is touring the country putting on live performances.
Painting[edit | edit source]
Many pieces of art are attributed to Unknown, due to 'Unknown's patent on the blank signature. All pieces of artwork that were signed with nothing, are automatically attributed to Unknown. Though litigation has been filed on behalf of all the dead artists who's work has been attributed to the musician, the strong patent on the blank signature will probably hold.
According to Youth Gamer Magazine, Unknown is also a fucking sweet arcade game player, second only to AAA. It must be known, however, that neither have competed in a major tournament yet.
Pornography[edit | edit source]
Unknown artist is a porn legend. With a penis the size and shape of a medium-large haddock she is famed for being completely unbearable to watch.
Facts and Trivia[edit | edit source]
- In Soviet Russia, Unknown Artist listens to YOU!!!
- Unknown Artist can be found on Your computer, too...
- Unknown Artist once did a duet with Elton John.
- Unknown Artist can play many instruments at once, and he can sing in different voices whom may vary from a child of eight to that of an elderly woman. Unknown Artist can also make the sounds of many different types of animals, such as a howler monkey during mating season, and an ant.
- As well as having the vocal range of Elvis backup singer J.D. Sumner to tween-pop sensation Hannah Montana, Unknown Artist's discography encompasses the following diverse smorgasbord of genres: dance-pop, country, grunge, r&b, thrash metal, hardcore punk, country Western, Eurodance, classical, New Wave, indie-pop, Tin Pan Alley, NWOBHM, viking metal, New Age, bubblegum pop, R&B, hard rock, glam metal, alternative hip-hop, sludge metal, industrial metal, post-grunge, Britpop, funk rock, rap metal, sludge metal, post-punk, pop rock, stoner rock, emo, contemporary Christian music, psychedelic rock, death metal, alternative metal, math rock, baroque pop, horror punk, piano rock, experimental rock, acid rock, progressive metal, pop punk, Krautrock, soft rock, speed metal, rap, nu metal, jazz, blues-rock, folk rock, art rock, boogie-woogie, disco, progressive rock, novelty music, surf pop, reggae, ska, scream, salsa, easy listening, wizard rock, urban smooth, black metal, hardbass, gothic rock, crust punk, jungle dnb, breakcore, slam metal, turbofolk, grindcore, mongolian throat singing, goregrind, drone metal, dungeon synth and symphonic metal.
- Unknown Artist is in your Last.fm profile, messing up your charts.
- Unknown artists popularity is still increasing and has been since about 1829.
- Unknown is the child of Anonymous, the most famous author of our time.
- Unknown artist is always behind you.
Discography[edit | edit source]
Every album and song ever produced.
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