Jelly beans
 | I'll bet you $5 that this is a stub. I bet you can't make it better, but you could try. |
Jelly beans are a type of bean. Jelly beans are not to be confused with the very different and much more hostile "jelly beings".
Jelly bean colors[edit | edit source]
Red jelly beans[edit | edit source]
“It's not that I don't like red jelly beans, it's just that I don't see the use when I have some perfectly good blood to drink.”
Red jelly beans get their color from blood. As of yet, it is currently unknown where jelly bean companies get the blood from. Some have suggested that red jelly beans could be an alternative for the needs of vampires. All attempt to do this however, have ended with the person trying to reach the vampires disappearing without a trace and one new vampire mysteriously appearing. Any attempts to find out where the forementioned companies get all the blood from are ill advised.
White jelly beans[edit | edit source]
“Moo!”
White jelly beans get their color from cow milk. We here at Uncyclopedia personally feel bad for the cows, since we know they're abused. We know because in ads for white jelly beans, the disclaimer says: Some animals were hurt in the making of this commercial. Some people have suggested that white jelly beans are actually made of solid milk. Because of this theory, there have been multiple instances of people trying to get their cows to produce white jelly beans instead of milk. This has generally been met with discontent, especially from the cows.
Yellow jelly beans[edit | edit source]
 | This page is or discusses a loony and/or nutty conspiracy theory Uncyclopedia vehemently denies all knowledge and existence of this page, although that doesn't change the fact that the black helicopters are on their way. |
Yellow jelly beans are actually a secret plot orchestrated by the government to achieve total mind control over the human population. What proof do I have, you ask? I have uncovered substantial proof that-
Blue jelly beans[edit | edit source]
What, were you expecting something special? Too bad.
Black jelly beans[edit | edit source]
Black jelly beans are cursed. They were created by the Wikipedia deity, that's for sure. Just look at some bad things that have happened:
- The creation of Wikipedia
- There are two reasons Wikipedia was founded.
- 1. Because Jimbo Wales made it.
- 2. Because Jimbo Wales lives off of black jelly beans!
- Many people think that Jimbo Wales is inherently evil. This is simply not true. The only reason he's evil is because he lives off of black jelly beans. Just as Uncyclopedia operates because of Oscar Wilde's cat-toast device, Wikipedia operates on a different principle: black jelly beans.
- Hitler starting World War II
- Hitler was known to be addicted to black jelly beans.
Green jelly beans[edit | edit source]
Ew. This green text looks like vomit.