Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Whose Line Is It Anyway? is a board game for 2-4 players in which each player starts off with a line of cocaine which they must snort as quickly as is humanly possible with the straw provided.
Then the players must talk shit for the next few hours and attempt to cop-off with the first member of their chosen sexual preference who wanders into view. By doing this, they earn points, which don't matter. That's right, the points are just like the Barclay's Premier League to an American- they don't matter. The winner is the player who manages to mention how much they earn the most times in one night.
How to play
There are a number of exciting different ways to play the game. Rules vary widely from country to country to account for the 'excising' of local 'customs' (see below), but all versions of the game contain:
- An element of audience participation;
- A 'required element' consisting of one of the following:
i) A 3-minute in-depth recollection of a completely irrelevant anecdote you once heard, expressed with animated excitement, embellished with examples and embued with importance, but ending abruptly mid-sentence when you completely forget what you were talking about;
ii) The spontaneous creation and sharing of an outlandish lie about oneself for no reason whatsoever, which, once uttered, must 'become true' for the rest of your life if you are to save face and not appear to your mates to be the compulsive little pants-on-fire bitch that yo is. Extra points are awarded for sheer unbelievability, blatant transparency, and stupidity and pointlessness of the untruth; or
iii) Beginning a lengthy, highly-exaggerated and brutally selective anecdote about how-utterly-fantastic-you-are (thinly disguised as an anecdote about just-how-much-better-than-everyone-else-you-are); before catching yourself blatantly and shamelessly bragging, pausing temporarily, squirming with embarrassment, and then carrying on regardless.
Other aspects of the game shared worldwide include:
- The churning out, and continuous repetition of self-congratulatory nothings;
- The element of surprise; and
- Ryan Stiles.
(NB - If any of these appear to be missing from your box at time of purchase, you should first check that it's not a simple case of 'your brejrin ripping you off'. Storming into your supplier's, shouting your mouth off and accusing them of dishonesty should only attempted by the Biggest and highest of guys with a yearning for some nice, new, fashionable concrete boots. If your mate, your supplier, your partner or that ol' crack fiend, Yo Momma, has syphoned off any of the gear necessary to play the game, or if you have 'lost it', the game must not go ahead as the supplies have obviously been 'cut'. Due to the complexity of the game, and the resultant problems of breathing thru one nostril after a good John Sessions, some bits of the game have to be 'chopped up' before the game can be played on TV, otherwise the contestants won't know their/they're lines.)
The second round
There are eleven modes of play:
- Time Trial
- "Head" to "Head"
- Russian Roulette
- Loser Strips Naked
- Winner Stips Naked
- Both winner and loser strip naked and do it.
- None of them strip naked and watch tv.
- Sudden Death
- The Tony Montana
- Sexy Time!
Although the game is sold and enjoyed across the world, only a British edition and a (later) US version were ever created by manufacturers. There are a few distinct cultural differences between the two editions which should be noted prior to beginning a game:
- Quick-witted, sardonic slapheadedness is NOT permitted in the US version. This is due to the replacement of the original host (dickhead-dust afficianado Clive Anderson), with a fatter model (dickhead Drew Carey) in the American game.
- Sublety, intelligence, nuance, sarcasm, irony, satire and brilliance similarly count for nothing in the US game, being replaced by an over-used, formulaic comedy housebrick repeatedly slapping viewers and players alike around the face until everybody's nose bleeds uncontrollably.
- For the purposes of the game, the following butts of jokes are considered interchangeable:
- France = Canada.
- Northerners = Southerners.
- Smutty innuendo = Feigned homosexuality, esp. when directed at a "100% straight" guy.
- Clive Anderson's receding hairline/diminutive stature/lack of a neck = Drew Carey's fashion sense/glasses/weight/idiocy/pie-eating stature/calling Africa a country/not doing a damn thing.
- The Government = Black people (esp. Niggaz).
- Art & Literature = TV. Or TV's.
- Ryan Stiles = Ryan Stiles.
'Whose Line' World Championship
The Whose Line Is It Anyway World Championship is held in September each year. Kathy Greenwood won the first 10,000 world championships, despite not actually doing anything. The current champion is Ryan Stiles, who beat Drew Carey, Colin Mochrie and Wayne Brady in the 2010 final in Los Angeles. He happily took home the trophy to put with the remaining 53692 WLIIA trophies he has. When he won, he said: "I wish I had an Uncyclopedia article."
“I wish I had an Uncyclopedia article.”
Nick Clegg is the last World Champion, having beaten David Milliband in the final of 2008 by managing to brag continually about his inflated salary, investment returns and his offshore interests for an incredible 9 straight months.
- Popular with Blue Peter presenters, Smart Presenters and other media wankers.
- This game is banned in all countries outside of Colombia.
- Not only is this banned in all countries outside of Colombia, it's also banned in Colombia too.
- Don't listen to the fat man in glasses. The points DO matter.
- A typical episode of Whose Line Is It Anyway can be found at this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOU9qOHSETw