Mocherites
Mocherites are followers of the religious leader Colin Mochrie. The Truth of Colin, a non profit organisation based in Toronto, is devoted to teaching the 4 Pillars of Mocherie. Mocherites are often in opposition to Oprahism and believe it to be a corrupt organisation parading as a religion.
4 Pillars of Mocherie[edit | edit source]
There are 4 basic pillars, or tenants to the Mocherites, that are declared the one and only path to enlightenment by Colin Mocherie himself. They are as follows.
Baldness[edit | edit source]
Baldness is key to the Mocherites. Though some feminist groups allege there exists institutionalised sexism, the Mocherites vehemently argue that men are merely more likely to become enlightened than women. Science is inconclusive in this issue, but some do believe that genetics backs up their claim, thus leading credence to the Mocherites. Mocherites believe that baldness allows energy to flow freely from one's mind into the 'Greater Baldness.'
Improb[edit | edit source]
Another key requirement is the art of Improb, or the achievement of three (3) improbable tasks as ordered by the leader of your local Mocherite church. These tasks range in difficulty, but almost always involve finding strange objects and finding uses for them.
Snack Happy[edit | edit source]
Perhaps the most central tenant to the Mocherites is the "Snack Happy" principle. As declared by Colin Mocherie, snacking on low calorie foods is required in one's path to enlightenment. To bolster spirits in this endeavor, Colin Mocherie has been seen in several well publicised TV spots, appearing as the 'Snack Fairy,' a religious symbol to the Mocherites. In these he urges people to escape temptation and stay true to a low calorie diet.
Canadian Citizenship[edit | edit source]
Finally, Canadian Citizenship must be achieved to reach enlightenment. It is believed, with some scientific backing, that the climate of Canada assists in the psychological journey to enlightenment. Some have also claimed similar conditions exist in Russia, however Mocherites dismiss this claim as blasphemy.
Notable Aspects[edit | edit source]
Mocherites have a tendency to be attracted to shiny round objects and are reportedly incapable of rapping. Once a year, Mocherites make a pilgrimage to Toronto, the holy city. Mocherites also believe that those whom the Shiny One favors highly will be visited by his spirit form, the snack fairy.