Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pops

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"Poppy" the mascot for Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pops.

Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pops is a greasy, gooey, heavy snack food made by the Fatty~Foo Food Company Ltd. It is sold across USA, Canada, Australia, Britain, China, most of Europe and New Zealand, but banned in Japan, South Africa, and the Mushroom Kingdom for causing extreme obesity, severe childhood dementia, and addiction to internet forums.

The original Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pop consists of three slices of bacon, two pounds of butter, 6 slices of cheese and one wedge of American cheese stuck on a stick. This is then dipped in one litre of chocolate and smothered in liquid cheese and whipped cream. The Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pop is famous for its unhealthiness, it has been proven that three bites will cause a heart attack, with the equivalent of 27kg (a lot of pounds) of fat in each "pop". Pops are sold individually, in boxes of 6 and sacks of 48. The "Pops" can be eaten cold, cooked or deep fried and are sold in most grocery shops, cinemas, bars, corner shops and brothels. The Mascot for Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pops is a "Pop", named "Poppy", with eyes who encourages kids to sit around and eat the "Pops" while watching Disney movies. With each "pop" comes a badly made plastic toy themed on the latest Disney movie.

History[edit | edit source]

YAY! I eat 3 of them every day till I get Myocarditis and Over 9,000 Strokes!

The first Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pop recipe was invented in Fattfuck, Alabama, by Chuck F. Attass, originally as a opium-snack called "F.Attass Snack" in 1885 to sell to Chinese Opium farmers working to feed the Juice Force. He may have been inspired by the formidable success of European, Angelo Poofterini's "Obesei Retardi Crapi". The snack was originally named Opium-Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pop because, originally, the stimulant mixed in the snack was opium poppies from South America. In addition, the snack was flavored using butter, also acting as the snack's source of fat.

Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pops were initially sold as a patent medicine for five cents a pop at truck stops, which were popular in the United States at the time thanks to new highways. F. Attass claimed Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pops cured many diseases, including morphine addiction, dyspepsia, neurasthenia, headache, and impotence. It in fact caused most of these. The first sales were made at Off ramp 15 truck stop in Atlanta, Georgia, on May 8, 1976, and for the first eight months only nine pops were sold each day, mainly due to customers dying of heart attacks. F. Attass ran the first advertisement for the beverage on May 29 of the same year in Playboy.

On April 31, 1985, Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pops, amid much publicity, attempted to change the formula of the pop. Some authorities believe that New Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pops, as the reformulated snack was called, was invented specifically to respond to its commercial competitor, FATZI. New Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pop were a failure, Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pop management was unprepared, however, for the nostalgic sentiments the snack aroused in the American public. In 1989 Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pop were sold outside USA for the first time, in Mozambique. This was also a failure. Then they were sold in Canada and since then the market has been growing worldwide and over 40,000,000 people eat one every day. Thirty million of them die within the next three days from heart disease.

Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pops have often been compared to a steaming turd in not just taste but appearance and nutrition. The makers dispute this and claim that a steaming turd is much better for you than a Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pop.

Lite Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pops[edit | edit source]

There is a devoted following of Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pops.

The LITE Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pop consists of 3 slices of bacon, two pounds of butter, 5 slices of LITE cheese and one wedge of American LITE cheese stuck on a stick. This is then dipped in one litre of DIET chocolate and smothered in DIETliquid cheese and LITE whipped cream. The LITE Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pop is famous for its extreme healthiness, it has been proven that four bites will cause a heart attack, with the equivalent of 26kg (a lot of pounds) of fat in each "pop".

  • Adding LITE to things is proven to make them healthier

Double Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pops[edit | edit source]

Two Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pops compressed together and put on ONE stick with DOUBLE the grease as the original.

Other Flavours[edit | edit source]

Beer Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pops[edit | edit source]

The original Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pop marinated in beer and vodka. Only sold in licensed shops. ABV = 35%. Tests have shown that it can cause liver cancer in 5 bites.

Froot-Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pops[edit | edit source]

Just like the original except dyed Green and covered in Froot Loops.

  • Fact - Everything green is healthy.

Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pops BLUE[edit | edit source]

Just like the original except dyed blue.

Offal-Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pops[edit | edit source]

Just like the original Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Pop except with added offal. Sold in some areas with snouts and entrails instead of offal.

Drinks[edit | edit source]

Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Milkshake[edit | edit source]

A Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n completely liquefied and added to milk, then shaken. Contains all the goodness of the original. Sold in all good food stores, look in the milk section.

Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n Cola[edit | edit source]

The ingredients of a Choco-Butter-Cheez-Bac'n pop are mushed to a fine paste, then added to each cola bottle along with the cola. 9/10 people surveyed can taste the meatiness.


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