Chocolate electricity
Chocolate electricity is an artificial form of energy that was invented in 2003 by the chocolate company Hershey in an attempt to satisfy tree hugging hippies. The production of chocolate electricity generates more than one gazillion times the amount of carbon dioxide coal burning produces. The increase in greenhouse gases will make earth's climate become hot enough to melt lead and tin due to global warming, inevitably (stay tuned) ending all human life.[1]
Kitten and Potato Analogy[edit | edit source]
Many find it difficult to comprehend how this will appeal to tree hugging hippies, as the increase in temperature will result in the combustion of said trees and hippies. The concept is best explain by the kitten and potato analogy.
When a kitten killing maniac goes around killing kittens, the maniac will likely be ignored and said to not exist because people would rather consume potato chips while sitting on couches, hoping that by having a high concentration of chips in their bodies they will be able to emulate the behavior of potatoes. The people who are allergic to potatoes and would rather resort to kitten huffing, however, are disturbed by the murders. They therefore form an elite kitten killing squad and kill all the kittens in the neighborhood in an attempt to get the attention of the potato emulators. The blood splatter from the killings eventually cover up the windows of the dwellings of the potato emulators, who have no other source of light and are now unable to confirm visually that they have become potatoes. As the result, the potatoes decide to frankly give a darn.
Those who still have difficulty understanding may wish to poke kittens using sharpened potatoes while pressing their bodies against trees, though it is unlikely this will actually help.
Potency of Chocolate Electricity[edit | edit source]
Unlike self-transmitting forms of energy such as gravity, chocolate energy must be transferred through a medium such as wires or intestines and, despite being a rather potent energy source, loses most of its potential due to the viscosity of the transmitting medium. Hershey's has tried arming chocolate electricity with light sabers so as to defeat members of the wire or intestine resistance.[2]
Due to the potency of chocolate electricity when it is not being transmitted through a medium, it is often used in plasma grenades, where the energy ideally does not have to move a great distance or be launched with precision. This explains why those who survive plasma grenade explosions will on occasion remember seeing a brown light before passing out.
See also[edit | edit source]
Notes[edit | edit source]
