M&M's

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about M&M's.
A (supposed) M&M.
M&M's come in packages of this shape.

M&M's are a type of candy made by little green men. They have a plastic covering and on the inside there are sweetened diapers and condoms, cut up into small pieces. There is a "m" on the candy, which stands for masturbation.

Wait a second, wrong M&M. The M&M does not masturbate, whoops. The M&M is actually a type of candy from Mars made from aliens. One piece has only 4.7 calories, but given how addicting they are (like Among Us), it accelerates severely.

It was made when Americans got jealous of Spain when they ate candy during a war in 1939. People thought it meant masturbation when it became red, the color of death. Currently, the candy is widely eaten, coming in 6 different flavors.

History[edit]

Well, it began in two factories, Jew Jersey and Tennessee. It was supposed to not melt in your hand but in your mouth, but sadly, people have detected it does melt away your hand, so therefore, they had to stop. It was first used to throw candy at the enemies during World War II, and to carry it in the tropical climate of Africa. Therefore, only the military had access to this military candy. Then came the red controversy. While Red Dye #40 made it seem less deadly, the fact that it was red in the first place was an issue. In 1980, it spread. It hit Canada, Australia and the United Kingdom. They began to be used on holidays, because Easter bunnies turn out to like M&M's. In 1991, people began to get allergic to them as peanut butter was introduced to them. They got crispier in 1999, and from 2005 to 2015, was unavailable in the United States. In 2015 they came back, because people really missed them and begged the government for it back. Caramel ones were introduced in 2001, to attempt to stop the terrorists from doing 9/11. In 2010, they were morphed into pretzels. Chocolate bars were also released, to attempt to stop Hershey. English Toffee, Mexican Jalapeño, and Thai Coconut were introduced in a contest, the first one won. During the coronavirus pandemic, in an attempt to stop the spread, they made it into a fudge bar using delivery service. Ultimately, it failed at reducing the virus.

Marketing[edit]

Quite an effective way of marketing M&M's appears to have it outside Times Square in New York City.

Much like Al Franken had to do heavy marketing to win the 2008 United States Senate election in Minnesota, both before and after Election Day (it was crazy), they also had to do marketing, not to win the Class 2 Senate seat from Minnesota, but to be sold and make money. They made it Extra-Terrestial in 1982, but ultimately stopped it when Ronald Reagan announced we would not be visiting Mars until 2026. In 1990, they actually got $1 million. They made the plain M&M's into chocolate bar ones, because why not. And in 2004, it adopted a 1967 song in TV ads.

But sometimes, the goal is to work together, not create enemies, and this is one of them. Like with Star Wars, Shrek, NASCAR, and even working with other companies like Skittles.

Characters[edit]

In 1954, they had two characters. But then they got up to 6. They make up all the colors of the rainbow except purple, which is replaced by brown, because honestly fuck purple. They used to have other ones that got discontinued too. They were used on TV to advertise it.

Now, because being sexist is bad, female characters were introduced in 1995. She was in Super Bowl 46 back in 2012, and at Super Bowl 52, she transformed into a human finding a lucky penny.

All of them corrispond to different flavors, they really only use it so increase advertisements and, therefore, there money, which is critical. They even have official voiceovers, and some formal ones, so yeah, this is actually kind of a big deal, it began in 1995.

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