Cotton Candy

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“Chuck Norris is awesome”

~ Jesus on cotton candy

Cotton Candy is a well known treat widely distributed around the world. Packed with calories, cotton candy is know as the spum of sugar and obesity. Wave some to flirt with America.

American Development[edit | edit source]

Cotton candy was a sugary confection made in the American South during the Reconstruction period that followed the Civil War (also known by less educated people as the War Between the States - could you imagine Texas fighting Minnesota in a cage match?). After the war, most of the candy factories in the South were destroyed.

Parallel Developments in the UK[edit | edit source]

The development of Cotton Candy in the States occurred almost simultaneously with the development of said confection in England. The evidence for the variation in design philosophy is clear in the respective names... USA: Cotton Candy; England: Candy Floss.

Whilst in the states the intention was to use the surplus of cotton, that had been produced through intensive over farming of the cotton plant, to fill the void left through manufacturing shortages of sweet confectionery products, in England, with the perpetual dentistry problems, the intention was to create a confectionery product that cleaned the teeth whilst being eaten.

The confusion for the British people came with the addition of the word "Candy" which is totally meaningless on said Island. In order to indicate that the product was indeed a confectionery product, the designer- a Benjamin Disraeli, chose to colour it the obvious shades of pink and blue which at the time were the only possible colours for confectionery products (milk chocolate is in fact a very deep shade of blue and white chocolate an extremely pale shade of pink).

Cotton candy manufacturing[edit | edit source]

Standard method[edit | edit source]

The standard method of making cotton candy is to siphon pink and blue clouds out of the sky at sunrise, sunset, storms, or whenever they can. The biggest "Dark Cotton Candy" factory is in Seattle.

In Scotland[edit | edit source]

In Scotland, wool candy is made by shearing genetically altered pink and blue sheep. This is different from cottom candy in that it is heavier, but is much warmer and helps in the cold highlands.

In France[edit | edit source]

In France, "cotton" candy is made by shearing pink and blue poodles. The stuff is very expensive if you try to buy it, but if you maraud France for it, they just surrender and give it to you.

In the Netherlands[edit | edit source]

In the Netherlands, "cotton" candy is made of human feces, or poop. They than later add the pink colour and form it's fluffy texture.

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