Obese in disguise
“I too am Obese in Disguise”
Unfortunately due to the rather judgemental view of most of the modern world (America) Obese people have had to take the initiative and disguise themselves as regular thin people.
How the disguise is achieved[edit | edit source]
They achieve this disguise by use of specially-developed stomach muscles for this purpose, utilising the muscles to effectively "suck in", creating an optical illusion by ripping a hole in the space-time continuum. The average person will then not see an overweight individual, but a lean-figure that is more than often not given a second-glance.
The Problem[edit | edit source]
The only problem with this method of Disguising themselves in this way is if someone can get a close enough look, they will see the excess fat on the body of the disguisee.hi
The Solution[edit | edit source]
Fortunately, Obese people in Disguise have found a way to combat this problem: Using the famous cologne known as Sex Panther (yes made famous by the movie Anchorman).
How Sex Panther Works With OID's[edit | edit source]
As Sex Panther has a rather formidable scent (in fact it smells not unlike pure gasoline), when the average unsuspecting person comes to close to an OID (Obese in Disguise) the Sex Panther will reach their nostrils, causing an extreme burning sensation. They will then seek to move as far away from the OID as possible, before they get a chance to see the truth about the OID. This has been the primary method for achieving secrecy for many years now and has only been found not to work in the extreme circumstance that someone is wearing a gas mask, which thankfully doesn't happen very often in a Post World War 2 community.
Obese Celebrities in Disguise[edit | edit source]
A lot of celebrities are actually OID, Well known people such as Tom Cruise, George Bush and Daniel Johns (Of Australian rock band Silverchair fame) are all secretly Obese in Disguise.
Recent Findings[edit | edit source]
Recent studies have actually found that a high percentage(as high as 90%)of Americans are OID. Does this really "surprise" any dietician? the occupation, by definition, focuses on providing informative counsel essential to healthy living. But they are living the American dream as they have chosen.
The Truth about Models and Dieticians[edit | edit source]
The 10% of Americans that are not Obese in Disguise are models and dieticians, the reason behind this is that these "people" are actually not people, they are visitors from another planet where eating food has not become a favourite pastime. As such these "people" are highly revered by OID's, which is why they are such highly paid professions, especially modelling. It is unusual however that OID's havent realised this curious fact that all models are aliens, because Skinny people can not technically exist in a society such as America.
Skeptics[edit | edit source]
Even though there are OID skeptics, or people who cannot fathom the idea that OID's can exist, it is but a rarely-documented phenomenon that exists in an everyday American community.